Nicole Richie wins an award
Animal right’s group PETA just named Nicole Richie the world’s worst-dressed celebrity:
“This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones,” notes the animal rights group. “She’s an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match.”
Jesus Christ that is cold. Thank God PETA didn’t find out about my blanket made of purebred golden retrievers. It’s so soft and warm!
Coming in second to Richie was Ashley Olsen:
“Wearing fur does add 20 pounds,” PETA says, “but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead.”
What the fuck? When did PETA get funny? They’re supposed to be throwing paint on fur coats and taking a lackadaisical attitude towards personal hygiene, not making me chuckle while I drink my morning coffee. And how exactly does making fun of celebrities with eating disorders work into their whole ’saving animals’ mission? It’s almost like PETA is trying to steal my job.
Rounding out the top 3 was Eva Longoria:
Opines PETA: “You’d think she’d be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane.”
Oy vey with the PETA joking! Maybe I should give up writing real celebrity stories and just start posting PETA press releases. Here goes:
Community Should Fear for Public Safety, Say Experts
For Immediate Release:
November 16, 2006Contact:
Dan Paden 757-622-7382Millville, N.J. — Today, PETA sent an urgent plea to Cumberland County Prosecutor Ronald J. Casella urging his office to vigorously prosecute Andrew Lopez of Millville. Lopez faces charges stemming from a November 1 incident in which he allegedly deliberately ran over at least 11 seagulls with his car in a Cumberland Mall parking lot. News sources state that seven of the animals were killed-left with broken necks and shattered wings-after they were struck and that four others were critically injured.
On second thought, maybe I won’t do that…
Everybody has to win something!
It’s pretty bad when PETA is making fun of you.
PETA needs to stop hating… The girls look fabulous, and the fugs that work over there are just jealous that they can’t afford that shiznit …. HA BITCHES!!!!!
OMFG. I am a PETA member and I think this is rediculous. These people probably don’t even know what goes on in fur farms so PETA gets pissed at them for not knowing? Well SORRY peta I guess we are all not as smart as you. I love Nicole Richie.
I love PETA. But Nicole Wins this one…