Straight to video
Jennifer Lopez outside the Ed Sullivan Theatre (10/9)
Jennifer Lopez’s career isn’t exactly taking off lately. Not only has Kim Kardashian stolen her title as “that one famous chick with the big ass” but her new album tanked (just 101,000 worldwide album sales in the first week; she normally sees numbers in the 300,000-400,000 range), her new movie El Cantante tanked ($15 million budget; $7.5 million worldwide gross to date), and word is her next film Bordertown is going straight to video. The New York Post says:
Bordertown - where J. Lo plays a reporter probing the murders of female factory workers in Mexico - will hit video stores in January, reports Moviefone. Co-starring Antonio Banderas, the flick was booed at the Berlin International Film Festival. A rep for Bordertown insisted plans for the film are still in limbo. (Source)
I’m not sure debuting a film about Mexican factory workers in Berlin was the best marketing strategy. Those guys are about as tolerant as I am of uppity strippers who act all high and mighty when you squeeze their tits to see if they’re real. And it doesn’t matter if that particular incident occurred at the local Wal-Mart. Stripping’s a 24 hour/day job –God’s work really–you always have to be on alert. Before I get too sidetracked though, is anyone surprised J-Lo’s career is dying? For Christ’s sake she married a guy that looks like Master Splinter. How can anyone possibly take her seriously now? I look at her and I wanna crack a TMNT joke. On the bright side, all is not lost for Lopez. With a baby on the way, she does have a lot to look forward to: sagging tits, stretch marks, and–in around three years–child support.
J-Ho is a talentless piece of trash. May her career crash and burn, and may she gain 60 pounds and never be able to take it off.
You’re quite entertaining.