Mariah out and about in London (11/19)

England's GMTV issued a challenge to Mariah Carey last week to act as batshit crazy as possible before and after her appearance on the morning show. And Mariah didn't disappoint. Host Kate Garraway told the Daily Mail:

"We had Mariah Carey in the GMTV studios last week, where she was pre-recording an interview with Lorraine Kelly. I've heard a lot of rumours about her being a diva over the years and guess what? It turns out it's all true!

"While Mariah was very nice, the amount of people she had in her entourage was hilarious. They outnumbered the entire GMTV crew! She had two people to lower her on to the GMTV sofa, in case her dress got crushed, one person to walk in front of her backwards at all times in case she fell over and several people behind the camera making sure she was going to be filmed from the right angle!

"Have you ever heard anything like it? Oh, and she brought her own toilet roll as well."

Can you really blame Mariah for bringing her own toilet paper? Most bathroom stalls don't hold the six rolls it takes to wipe her ever-expanding ass. And considering Mariah's love of wasting money (she has a separate closet at her Manhattan triplex for her 1000 pairs of shoes), another reason she supplies her own TP is because she likes the exclusivity of using her own special brand -- you know, the brand that has a picture of Independence Hall on one side and Benjamin Franklin on the other.

50 Cent did not beat up Marv Albert

I think that headline is worth repeating: Wait, what? From AP:

Marv Albert said Saturday he was never involved in an altercation with 50 Cent, denying Internet reports of a fight on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

"I couldn't even tell you what the guy looked like or the security guard looked like," Albert said.

Albert said he even read one account that he was punched by 50 Cent, who was the show's musical guest, but insisted they never crossed paths.

"They embellish. It keeps getting embellished more than anything else," Albert said. "What do you say, it's just wrong. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It will be Jimmy Kimmel got punched. I'm sure this will be funny to me in a couple of days. It's not funny to me now, obviously."

Marv's right -- tabloid stories about him are ridiculous, false, and totally blown out of proportion . . . except when they're about forced sodomy. In this case, there is a pretty good chance the story is made up. Because if Marv had really been in a fist fight with 50 Cent, he'd be too busy eating through a straw to give interviews.

Kim Kardashian in a bikini

Kim Kardashian took to her twitter over the weekend to announce (with photographic evidence above) that she has finally reached her goal ("I finally feel I've reached my goal!"). I don't know what exactly her goal is but I think it has something to do with becoming an even bigger attention whore than Paris Hilton. Success!

Later today: Kim dons a skimpy bikini and posts a picture of herself bending over to show everyone "how great" her yoga lessons have been going.

Tomorrow: Kim dons a skimpy bikini and posts a picture of herself bending over to remind everyone to "always stretch" before they work out.

Thursday: Kim dons a skimpy bikini and posts a picture of herself bending over to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

Tara Reid's saggy ass

Tara Reid in St. Barts (Dec. 2007)

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

Helena Christensen, Claudia Schiffer, and Eva Herzigova in the winter issue of i-D Magazine

And then they get naked! *high five* . . . Oh, you thought there was gonna be a joke in this post? My bad. Here's one from co-writer Woody (true story: he told this joke at open mic night and was rewarded with stone cold silence from the audience):

After his wife's water breaks, Jack rushes his wife to the hospital, eagerly anticipating the birth of their first child. After spending what seems like an eternity in the waiting room, a doctor covered in blood sits down next to Jack.

Jack: "What's wrong?!? Is everything OK?!?"

Doctor.: "I'm afraid I have some good news and I have some bad news."

Jack: "What's the bad news?"

Doctor.: "The bad news is I'm afraid we lost the baby."

Jack: "NOOOOO!!!!"

Doctor. "But the good news is you're single!"

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics of Helena Christensen, Claudia Schiffer, and Eva Herzigova nude, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Kate Bosworth

Kate Bosworth outside The Oaks Gourmet Market in Hollywood (11/23)

Michael Jackson performing during the Motown 25 special in 1983

Michael Jackson has never been more valuable. The glove he wore during his famous Motown 25 performance in 1983 fetched $350,000 at an auction on Saturday. From the New York Daily News:

The winning bidder counted himself lucky to be taking home the prize of the auction.

"It was a bargain - we were expecting to pay more," said Hoffman Ma, a Hong Kong hotel executive. "We're going to put it on display in our hotel. It will be free for everyone."

Ma traveled to New York just for the auction but some of his staff bid on other items online - to round out their new King of Pop collection, set for display at his Ponte 16 hotel in Macau.

What a brilliant business decision. I know when I go on vacation, I choose hotels based on random memorabilia they have in the lobby. When I went to China last year, I stayed at a hotel that had an actual piece of gum Zac Efron had chewed on display near the front desk. You better motherfucking believe I got my picture taken in front of that. What I want to know is if this guy really wanted to purchase some memorabilia to memorialize Michael Jackson, why didn't he save hundreds of thousands of dollars and buy a $12.95 pack of underoos? Of course if you think $350K is a lot for money for Michael's glove, just wait until his most valuable accessory goes on sale: his nose.

Paris Hilton out and about in Beverly Hills (11/19)

Paris Hilton's mom Kathy finally has something to be proud of -- her daughter's lack of implants. Oh yeah, and she hasn't gotten her stomach pumped in, like, 6 months. What a freaking princess. From Fox News:

It seems breast implants have pretty much become synonymous with Hollywood, and despite being the ultimate “it” girl that’s one place Paris Hilton hasn’t ventured into - although her mom Kathy Hilton said her daughter almost gave into the Tinseltown temptation.

“At one point she was like ‘I wanna do this and that, I’m so flat!’ but then all of a sudden she was like ‘I love it. I don’t care. I love it’,” Kathy told Tarts at the launch of Paris’s new all-in-one hair tool the Celebrity Styler and the Ultimate Brush at the Thompson Hotel in Beverly Hills on Tuesday night.  “I’m proud of that; I think that’s really nice.”

But according to Ms. Hilton, the thought never really crossed her mind.

“I’m way too scared, I hate needles and I hate blood. I’m a really big fan of the show ‘Nip/Tuck’ so I see how it happens,” she said. “I’m just too scared. I’m happy with the way I am.”

Weird, a TV show also helped my girlfriend decide whether to get implants. Luckily that show happened to be Girls Next Door. Hooray for big fake boobs! Woo hoo!

NOTE: If Paris really was "happy with the way" she looked, she wouldn't apply so much make-up all the time . . . or ABREVA. Bitch has more ABREVA in her medicine cabinet than a Rite Aid.

Christina Aguilera on the set of her new film Burlesque in Piru, CA (11/17)

+ Khloe Kardashian love$ her new husband [Wonderwall]

+ Kate Hudson's *near* nip slip at the AMAs [The Superficial]
+ Pretty much the worst Kelly Clarkson has ever looked [IDLYITW]
+ That one dude from Heroes got stabbed in the eye with a pen [Just Jared]
+ Hayden Panettiere wants you to look at her boobs [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Tom Cruise will hurt you if you're an extra [PopEater]
+ Natalie Portman is classy hot [Popoholic]
+ Katharine McPhee is see through [Hollywood Tuna]
+ The new hottest Victoria's Secret Model [moejackson]

+ Hot, crazy girlfriend smashes Xbox [College Humor]
+ Jude and Sienna are definitely boning again [The Blemish]
+ NFL player flashes his ass on TV [Dlisted]
+ Ashley Greene is my kind of woman [Cele|bitchy]