Eva Longoria’s beauty secrets revealed!

November 21st, 2007

Eva Longoria likes wieners

Finally the day we’ve all been waiting for has arrived. Eva Longoria’s beauty secrets have been revealed! The actress tells this Sunday’s issue of Parade magazine:

“I think it’s a combination of a lot of things. I want to look like Demi Moore when I’m 42. It’s obviously emotional health. And it’s obviously your physical health, but there’s a lot of maintenance involved, and I’m not talking about anti-aging. I’m just talking about general health, getting your checkups and getting your blood tests and making sure you get your mammograms.”

“For me, as far as skin, I’m a big advocate of facials. And I moisturize. And I read my magazines. I listen to good advise from people who really know, and I try to watch what I eat. But it’s diet. It’s exercise. It’s maintenance. It’s checkups. It’s attitude. It’s a lot of things. And I think you just need to be aware of what’s going to work for you.” (Source)

Don’t I feel foolish. I’ve been telling anyone who’d listen that Eva’s beauty secrets were heavy foundation, low lighting, and a PR blitz to convince America that an average looking woman is so much more. If the judge ever gives me my binoculars back, I could find 50 chicks at the local high school hotter than her. College. I meant college.