Wladimir Klitschko

Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko at the Miami Heat game in Miami (3/24)

Us Weekly says Hayden Panettiere might be engaged to her on-again/off-again boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko. And they're only wrong like half the time. So maybe she is. Or maybe she isn't You can take that to the bank!

"Very few people know, and she isn't wearing her ring publicly yet," says a friend of the duo, who first parted ways in May 2011 after two years of dating.

Since getting back together, the actress, 23, and the athlete, 37, have refused to confirm their relationship. Privately, however, the 5-foot-2 knockout and the 6-foot-6 heavyweight champ are eager to legalize their match. Says the source, "Looks like a summer wedding!"

I hope this is true, because it's absolutely fascinating. Wladimir is 6'6" of pure muscle. Hayden is 5'2" and a little squishy. The people who breed chihuahuas with great danes even think they're a weird couple. Their honeymoon is gonna resemble some kind of Joseph Mengele science experiment.

*25 Hayden and Wladimir pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere leaving the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood (1/11)

Hayden Panettiere hooked up with her old boyfriend, 6'6" Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko, again over the holidays and now her friends are starting to throw out the "L" word . . . and I'm not talking about "long." Seriously, what's Wladimir packing down there? A foot? From Life & Style:

Hayden Panettiere's giving her relationship with Wladimir Klitschko another shot! Life & Style can reveal that the Nashville star, 23, is back together with her ex-boyfriend, 36.

"Hayden's so happy," a pal gushes to Life & Style. "They're definitely in love again and tighter than ever ... They have been traveling together. He's even planning to visit her while she films in Nashville."

Damn it, how can I be mean to these two? There're in love, so who am I to judge Hayden and the Frankenstein Monster? It's not as if their relationship is any more or less weird than what George Clooney and Stacy Keibler share, or Woody Allen and Soon Yi Previn, or even Kim Kardashian and the urinals at the Source Awards. It's all about enduring love, people. What is love, you ask? Well, as far as Hayen and Wlad are concerned, love is surviving the pinksocking without needing stitches. Yes, I'm a romantic at heart.

*5 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko in Miami in 2009

If it looks like Hayden Panettiere has been walking sorta bowlegged lately, that's because she's back with her ex, massive boxer Wladimir Klitschko. From Celebuzz:

The 23-year-old blonde beauty  - who just split from NFL star Scotty McKnight - recently traveled all the way around the world to Dubai with Klitschko.

"She was shopping at Mall of The Emirates, and Wlad was with her," said eyewitness Zina M., who asked to keep her last name anonymous. "Hayden even leaned in to peck him. She more like nuzzled him, because you can't really kiss in public in Dubai. They're definitely more than friends. Wlad was sitting down listening to his iPod and she was shoe shopping. No one recognized Hayden, but there are so many Russians in Dubai, so they all recognized him!"

Hey now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out why Hayden is back with Wladimir. She's obviously a huge fan of Ukrainian literature, particularly the works of Taras Shevchenko. As a matter of fact . . . oh, who am I trying to fool? Hayden's back with him because she couldn't replace the Russian Frankenstein's monster custard gun, which looks a lot like a baby elephant's trunk holding a football. Once a girl's been mashed by a world class athlete and his organ grinder, even my impressive package looks second rate. I'm putting little Hayden in the damaged goods section of Celebslam, kids.

*25 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere and Wladimir Klitschko at the 2011 Tribeca Film Festival in New York (4/24)

Leo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli weren't the only big celebrity break-up today. Hayden Panettiere dumped her boyfriend, Ukrainian heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko, too. I guess you can say Klitschko "lost the decision." Get it? Because he's a boxer, you see. From People:

"Even though we've decided splitting up is best for both of us, we have an amazing amount of love and respect for each other and remain very close friends," says the Scream 4 actress, 21.

Klitschko, 35, the reigning IBF, IBO and WBO heavyweight world champion, cites the physical distance as a stumbling block for the couple.

"We had a great time together, but it's not that easy to manage a relationship between two continents," he says. "I have a lot of respect for Hayden as a person and as a friend, and I believe we'll keep our friendship even after the separation."

Panettiere adds that she looks forward to being able to "sit on a chair like a normal person again without using one of those inflatable donut cushions." Because, let's face it, even if Wladiir has a small cock, it's still probably roughly the size of a toddler's thigh.

*11 Hayden Panettiere pictures total in the gallery:

Hayden Panettiere and her boyfriend Heavyweight Champion Wladimir Klitschko leaving Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood (6/21)

When Hayden and Wladimir go on vacation, do you think she has to buy her own plane ticket or is allowed to just sit on his lap? That'd be pretty cool if she didn't have to buy a ticket. That's $1,000 savings!

*21 pics total in the gallery:

*shudders*

As much as I wish it was, that picture's actually not from the annual "Take your Daughter to Work Day" at the local law firm. It's Hayden Panettiere and her boyfriend Wladimir Klitschko leaving the Hollywood premiere of The Perfect Game Monday night. Creepy. Something is just not right about this relationship. Hayden should be dating one of the Jonas Brothers, not Ivan Drago from Rocky IV. I swear to god, if I find out Wladimir's been getting on his hands and knees so Hayden can play "Horsey," I'm calling the fucking cops.

The midget and her handler 

Hayden Panettiere was spotted with her boyfriend, heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko, yesterday leaving Le Pain Quotidien in West Hollywood. These two have been dating 3 months and yet Hayden is still able to walk. Simply stunning. By my calculations, she should look like Christopher Reeve by now.

Maybe the weirdest couple ever

Looks like Hayden Panettiere and 9'6" boxer Wladimir Klitschko are still together. Originally seen together in Miami a few weeks ago, the two were spotted at the "Best of Musical Gala" in Hamburg, Germany on Saturday night. What can Wladimir possibly see in this midget? Without her heels on, Hayden barely comes up to his wai --- ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Touché Wladimir, touché.

Hayden Panettiere bikini pics! (Miami - 12/31)

20-year-old Hayden Panettiere and 33-year-old current IBF, WBO, and IBO heavyweight champion Wladimir Klitschko. What in the hell? The two were seen together in Miami over the weekend kissing and flirting. For those of you keeping score at home, Hayden is a shade over 5' tall while Wladimir is 6'6". Clearly the two haven't had sex yet since Hayden's still able to walk. Either that or Wladimir has an extremely small penis. Again, Wladimir is 6'6" and could pull my spine out through my asshole. Guess what I would never say about his penis?