Wilmer Valderrama

Minka Kelly out and about in Beverly Hills in January

Remember last week how Minka Kelly are the recently-single Wilmer Valderrama started dating again? Wilmer already dumped her. Hit it and quit it. From Us Weekly:
"They stopped dating," an insider told Us this week. The pair, who first dated back in 2012, enjoyed a dinner date at Palms Thai restaurant in Hollywood on Wednesday, August 31.

Another source told Us that the exes started seeing each other about a month prior to their Hollywood get-together. An eyewitness told Us that the pair's August outing definitely "looked like a date."
Purely strategic move by Wilmer. He didn't want to start dating Minka again -- he only did it to set up his next relationship. Imagine what's gonna go through the head of the next woman he dates . . . "Crap, Minka Kelly barely lasted a week with this guy. I better step up my game." TL;DR: Anal.

*10 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Minka Wilmer Done 1
  • Minka Wilmer Done 2
  • Minka Wilmer Done 3
  • Minka Wilmer Done 4
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Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (9/3)

Minka Kelly and Wilmer Valderrama are dating again. The two were spotted together in Cabo San Lucas over the weekend, which seems an unlikely place to randomly run into each other. The two dated in 2012 before Wilmer started dating Demi Lovato. Of course Wilmer and Demi broke up earlier this year, so this is an obvious move by Wilmer. It's like buying a Ferrari and then parking it in your garage for four years so you can take the bus. Oh that's right, the Ferrari is way more fun than the bus. I want to drive that instead.

*10 Wilmer and Minka pictures total in the gallery:

  • Minka Wilmer Back On 1
  • Minka Wilmer Back On 2
  • Minka Wilmer Back On 3
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Wilmer Valderrama and Demi Lovato in New York last October

Sorry about the lack of posts yesterday. Had some technical difficulties, but things should be back to normal today. Now to catch up on some news. Like Wilmer Valderrama and his girlfriend Demi Lovato. They're engaged! Just kidding. They broke up. Demi posted on Instagram over the weekend:
After almost six loving and wonderful years together, we have decided to end our relationship. This was an incredibly difficult decision for both of us, but we have realized more that anything that we are better as best friends. We will always be supportive for one another. Thank you to everyone who has offered us kindness and support over the years.

-With only love, Wilmer & Demi.
Good for Wilmer. People forget that, back in the day, he was neck and neck with the likes of John Mayer, Leo DiCaprio, and Adam Levine in pulling the finest trim across Hollywood. And then he started dated Demi and just sorta faded away. The timing couldn't be more perfect for him. An entire generation of girls who grew up listening to him as the voice of Disney's Handy Manny are just now hitting their 18th birthday. "Hey ladies -- by chance, do any of you have a fantasy about fucking a cartoon repairman?" Like shooting fish in a barrel.

*15 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Demi Wilmer Split 1
  • Demi Wilmer Split 2
  • Demi Wilmer Split 3
  • Demi Wilmer Split 4
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Wilmer Valderrama is officially an afterthought

Congratulations, Wilmer Valderrama: you're officially an afterthought. Here's a screenshot from one of my paparazzi agencies of Demi Lovato and Wilmer leaving an office earlier this week. Wilmer has officially been downgraded to "boyfriend." Sorry, dude, but that's what happens when your girlfriend pays your cell phone bill.

*15 pictures total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Afterthought 1
  • Wilmer Valderrama Afterthought 2
  • Wilmer Valderrama Afterthought 3
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Wilmer Valderrama and a mystery woman in Miami (5/19)

FYI: Wilmer Valderrama probably had sex with this girl he met at the beach in Miami on Sunday. I don't know how this impacts your life in the least, but I just thought you should know. Carry on with your day . . .

*10 Wilmer Valderrama pics total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Bikini Babe 1
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Wilmer Valderrama in Miami (1/8)

Rare photo of Wilmer Valderrama not inside a 22-year-old up-and-coming actress. Is he feeling all right? Aw geez, I hope he's not depressed.

*25 Wilmer Valderrama pictures total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Beach Walk 1
  • Wilmer Valderrama Beach Walk 2
  • Wilmer Valderrama Beach Walk 3
  • Wilmer Valderrama Beach Walk 4
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Wilmer Valderrama and Eva Longoria leaving the funeral of Mexican-American actress Lupe Ontiveros in Pico Rivera, CA (9/3)

It's official: Wilmer Valderrama has banged everyone in Hollywood. Hell, I'm sure even Betty White has sucked him off a few times. From Star:
Just a few days after her split from N.Y. Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, Eva Longoria had already drafted another sweetheart: Wilmer Valderrama! Eva, 37, was spotted canoodling with 32-year-old Wilmer at a play in downtown L.A.

"Wilmer and Eva went in and sat down next to each other - and as soon as the lights went out, she tucked her arm under his and they held hands the entire play," an eyewitness reports. "She kept whispering in his ear and laying her head in his shoulder. They were really the cutest couple."

The pair, who are volunteering together to help encourage Latino Americans to vote this fall, left the performance together after giving Eva's former castmate Felicity Huffman a standing ovation. (Print Edition - 11/12)
There really isn't much of a story here. Being surprised by Fez putting his monster pipe into a battle-hardened veteran like Eva Longoria is like being surprised that the Sun dips under the western horizon every night and returns in the east every morning. It's only amazing to overly dramatic assholes or people who ate paint chips as children. The only thing that's throwing off my spidey sense here is that Eva is laying down for a guy who doesn't have a career anymore. Usually she spreads for guys who are about to become famous so she can swallow their souls and live another 15 minutes -- sort of like a fame-whore black widow. Hey, worked for Madonna.

*10 Wilmer Valderrama and Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Eva Longoria 1
  • Wilmer Valderrama Eva Longoria 2
  • Wilmer Valderrama Eva Longoria 3
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Wilmer Valderrama arriving at LAX airport (4/4)

Wilmer Valderrama has officially hit the "I don't give a shit anymore" level. His cockiness level is so high after nailing so many young, wide-eyed Hollywood starlets (the latest being Minka Kelly, who flew into LAX with him) that he's now openly wearing ridiculous mesh shirts in public. Why? Because he can. And if you make fun of him, he'll fuck your sister and then not call her. He'll do it, man.

*21 Wilmer Valderrama and Minka Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Mesh Shirt 1
  • Wilmer Valderrama Mesh Shirt 2
  • Wilmer Valderrama Mesh Shirt 3
  • Wilmer Valderrama Mesh Shirt 4
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Minka Kelly leaving the Byron & Tracey Salon in Beverly Hills (2/2)

Wilmer Valderrama has a new notch in his bedpost: Minka Kelly. Your move, John Mayer. May I suggest Miss [insert Eastern Bloc country here]? From the New York Daily News:
Minka Kelly is swapping ball players for the Hollywood variety. A source at Beacher's Madhouse on Saturday night spotted Wilmer Valderrama exit the Hollywood club to escort Kelly and her friend inside. "He didn’t need to come outside and get her," said the insider, who added that Kelly, who arrived at 12:45 a.m., could have gained access on her own accord, and that Valderrama had arrived earlier in the evening with Hayden Panettiere and a few others. Once insider Beacher's, where Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus also spent the evening, the actor stayed by the side of Derek Jeter's former squeeze for the entire night. The source adds, however, the pair were careful about appearing too affectionate inside the trendy club. A friend of Valderrama's says the famous twosome "are getting to know each other" right now.
Oh, no. Minka Kelly is getting rutted by Fez? Damn it, I thought Minka was better than this. For those of you not in the loop (which is virtually all of you), Wilmer Valderrama has a legendary hose, and he's a Jedi Master with that monster of his (as he'll gladly tell you). Here's what Minka needs to know about Fez: the price for the promise of multiple orgasms is your soul. It's fine if you don't believe me, but at least look at the evidence. He stabbed Misha Barton in the cervix and the act murdered her career. Ashlee Simpson had the voice of an angel until Wilmer stuck his microphone in her mouth, damaging her vocal cords beyond repair. Wilmer's biggest conquest is still Lindsay Lohan. Do we even need to go over her shenanigans? Minka, you already took his bait, but there's hope. The only way to break a monster hog addiction is by getting a better hog inside you. In other words, I'll pencil you in for sometime in June. I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do.

*22 Minka Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 1
  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 2
  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 3
  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 4
  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 5
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  • Minka Kelly Wilmer Valderamma 20

Wilmer Valderrama outside his apartment in New York (2/8)

Pacific Coast News says that's Wilmer Valderrama in New York yesterday sending "a new mystery girl home in a cab" no doubt after a night of carnal pleasure. Wow, he actually walked her out and hailed a cab for her? The most I've ever done for a chick I hooked up with was let her borrow my bus pass, and that's only because she promised not to tell anyone about the weeping.

*5 Wilmer Valderrama pictures total in the gallery:

  • Wilmer Valderrama Walk of Shame 1
  • Wilmer Valderrama Walk of Shame 2
  • Wilmer Valderrama Walk of Shame 3
  • Wilmer Valderrama Walk of Shame 4
  • Wilmer Valderrama Walk of Shame 5