Victoria Beckham

Paparazzi photos from Friday, April 23

Victoria Beckham at the BritWeek 2010 event in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Salma Hayek at the Christie's Green Auction in New York (pics start here)

Jennifer Lopez leaving The Grove in Hollywood (pics start here)

Jason Segel walking down Bourbon Street in New Orleans (pics start here)

Sarah Silverman out and about in New York (pics start here)

Charlize Theron leaving Nemo Gym in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Miranda Kerr at the Christie's Green Auction in New York (pics start here)

David Beckham leaving Pinkberry in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Isla Fisher leaving a dance studio in Toluca Lake (pics start here)

Jeremy Sisto at Coupa Cafe in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Vanessa Williams attending the after party for the opening night of the Broadway musical Sondheim On Sondheim at Studio 54 in New York (pics start here)

Alyssa Milano at ESPN's Pre-Draft Party at Espace in New York (pics start here)

Zoe Saldana leaving her hotel in New York (pics start here)

Miss Universe Stefani Fernandez at the Green Auction in New York (pics here)

Jessica Biel arriving to Miami International Airport (pics start here)

*137 pics total in the gallery:

The Beckhams dog is richer than you

5-star accommodations, 5-star dining, David and Victoria Beckham's new bulldog puppy is living a serious life of luxury. Oh that reminds me, rent on my studio apartment is due soon. From the New York Daily News:

David and Victoria Beckham's bulldog puppy, K9, just jetted from London to Los Angeles in high style at the bone-crunching price of $3300, according to the Daily Mail Online.

That's the going rate for premiere canine comfort on PetAir, England's top-of-the-line pet transportation company. The price tag includes the ticket, special carrier and chow and a preflight health check for the dog, which was a Christmas gift from Posh to Becks.

Since the new year, K9 had been staying at home of chef Gordon Ramsay, according to the Daily Mail. The lucky dog reportedly enjoyed a tasty pre-flight meal prepared by the pugnacious pot-and-pan handler.

The Beckhams were just named the fifth highest-earning Hollywood couple. Gourmet meals and inflight comforts are tastes of what's to come for the lucky pooch.

"In its very short life, David's dog has already seen the kind of luxury it will enjoy," a friend said. "It's been fed by the U.K.'s leading star chef and has now been in total comfort to L.A."

Isn't this how the French Revolution started? The general populace found out that the pets of the wealthy were living better lives than they were and they decided to revolt? Now typically I'm not one to go around instigating civil unrest, but when a god damn mutt is eating in luxury and I'm stuck stealing salt packets from McDonald's, for a moment -- just a moment -- I can see the appeal of building a guillotine.

Simon Cowell hates Victoria Beckham

I hope Victoria Beckham isn't looking to turn her guest appearance on American Idol into a full-time gig. Because Simon Cowell hates the bitch. From the Chicago Sun Times:

As seemed evident from the ''American Idol'' season debut Tuesday night -- taped in Boston last summer -- various exchanges between 'Posh Spice'' and Cowell were pretty sharp.

"Idol" sources say that was not an act. "The two of them really did not connect at all," a show staffer said Wednesday.

During Beckham's turns as a guest judge in Boston and Denver, Cowell reportedly became less and less impressed with the entertainer's music sensibilities. "He thought her taste was totally in the toilet," said another source close to the action.

For that reason, when a rumor floated online earlier this week -- reportedly from Beckham's own camp -- that she was a candidate for an "X Factor" judging slot, Cowell quickly issued a statement shooting that down. The edgy Brit made it very clear he had not made an offer to Beckham and "had no intention to do so."

Simon's right. Posh shouldn't be a judge for American Idol or The X Factor -- she should be a judge for The Biggest Loser. Picture this: You're a contestant about to step onto the scale for your weekly weigh-in when suddenly you see 74-pound Posh Spice glaring at you. You'd feel so guilty you'd immediately develop an eating disorder and win the show. Of course, if that gig didn't work out, Posh would always be able find work on the Discovery Channel -- as a preying mantis.

Victoria Beckham out and about in London (12/12)

Though this has absolutely no chance of working (a source told ABC News that a divorce is "100% on"), Elin Nordegren is seeking Victoria's Beckham's help to save her marriage to Tiger Woods. From The Sun:

Tiger Woods' wife will pour her heart out to Victoria Beckham at a secret meeting. Friends have persuaded Elin to talk to Posh in the hope of saving her marriage. Victoria's own marriage to David Beckham was rocked five years ago by claims he had an affair with aide Rebecca Loos.

A source said: "Elin should get advice from a person who has been through this sort of thing."

Why would Elin go to Posh for help with her marriage? If she wanted bad advice about men she could pick up a Cosmo or turn on The View. The best way for Elin to get through this whole ordeal is to turn to someone who has been even more publicly humiliated by their spouse. Someone who also cringes every time they see their significant other on television. Someone like Todd Palin.

Victoria Beckham arriving to Heathrow Airport in London (11/15)

I don't want to freak anyone out here, but it appears Victoria Beckham's nipples have started generating their own light-emitting energy. Ha ha ha, fuck you stupid windmills! This shit is way hotter.

Victoria Beckham leaving a hotel in London (7/24)

Could Victoria Beckham be Paula Abdul's replacement on American Idol? Sure, why not. She's already agreed to one guest judging appearance (for a rumored £155,000) and word on the street is it could become permanent. From The Sun:

Billionaire show producer Simon Fuller, who managed the Spice Girls, is in talks to hire Posh, 35, as a judge.

A source said: "Paula's absence leaves a big gap on the judging panel. At least 25 million viewers tune in every week. It needs a big star. Simon Cowell and Victoria have always got on. It would be an incredible coup to get Posh. She was in one of the biggest girl groups in history so she knows what she is talking about. Simon Fuller is now speaking to her."

Victoria Beckham? How . . . boring. Paula needs to be replaced by someone equally as crazy, like Mischa Barton or Amy Winehouse. Holy shit, can you imagine Amy Winehouse as a judge on American Idol? The drinking game possibilities alone would be endless. "Do a shot every time Amy compares someone's performance to the high that comes from shooting up heroin" or "Do a shot every time Amy offers to suck someone's dick for coke."

Victoria Beckham arriving to Wembley Stadium in London (6/10)

Victoria Beckham got a third boob job last month in L.A. -- but not the good kind. She got a reduction from a 34DD to a 34B. Bitch. A source told The Sun:

"Victoria has wanted her implants taken out for a while. She felt that was part of her old WAG image - the big hair, big boobs, fake tan - and that she has moved on since those days. She had the op three weeks ago and is very pleased with the results. After the op she came to London for business then went to France to heal properly in private."

After the surgery was over and her breasts were reduced from a DD to a B, Posh then swore off blowjobs in an attempt to make herself even more unattractive to her husband.

NOTE: Every time I hear about a woman getting a breast reduction, I feel like a part of my soul has been ripped out, raped, and set on fire. *sigh*

Victoria Beckham leaving Claridge's Hotel in London (6/10)

Victoria Beckham put on a little show for the paparazzi while leaving her hotel in London this morning, showing off her razor-sharp nipple. Yikes, that thing looks dangerous. It's like hardened steel. Victoria's had so many breast surgeries over the years, I'm not entirely sure her nipples are made of skin anymore. They actually might be steel. Trying to fuck this chick must be like fighting Wolverine.

NOTE: To see the uncensored pics, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Victoria Beckham and her Hermès Birkin bag at Heathrow airport in London (5/14)

Victoria Beckham has a collection of Hermès Birkin handbags that are worth more than most average people (e.g. bloggers) make in a lifetime. Ha Ha Ha, losers. Oh wait, that's me. Dammit. From the Daily Mail:

It has just been revealed by an American financial website that Victoria has a collection of no fewer than 100 Hermes Birkin bags, worth a total of £1.5 million ($2.3 million).

The only variant between these extravagant possessions is colour, skin and size (the smallest Birkin costs around £2,500 [$4,000]). Oh, and the addition of a three-carat diamond in the silver 'Himalayan' version she owns, which is worth £80,000 ($125,000), and one of only three in the world.

$2.3 million worth of handbags? Only five more million and Victoria will have as much [emotional] baggage as the 2025 version of Britney Spears' kids! With that much disposable money, it wouldn't surprise me if Victoria heats her fireplace with stacks of $100s, wipes her ass with fifties, and keeps David's boyfriends quiet with bills adorning Woodrow Wilson.*

*look it up

The Costume Institute Gala was sexy

Believe it or not, not everyone at the Costume Institute Gala last night dressed like a complete jackass. The list of winners (there's 147 pictures on PAGE 2. This post took me god damn forever to edit and upload so do me a favor and click on some of them):

Miranda Kerr
Bar Refaeli
Kate Bosworth
Blake Lively
Cindy Crawford
Marion Cotillard
Diane Kruger
Heidi Klum
Jessica Biel
Karolina Kurkova
Rachel Bilson
Victoria Beckham
Jessica Alba
Gisele
Selma Blair
Kate Beckinsale
Eva Longoria
Ivanka Trump
Melania Trump
Rosario Dawson

Good god. It reads like a hit list of chicks I routinely beat off to.