Archive: Victoria Beckham

Victoria has really bad posture

Victoria Beckham is a really bad kisser, so claims ex-boyfriend Corey Haim . . . Wait, what the fuck? Corey Haim used to date Victoria Beckham? When did that happen? The Daily Mail says:

Victoria Beckham can’t kiss to save her life, says film has-been Corey Haim, who briefly dated the former Spice Girl before she married husband David. Haim, 36, known in the ’80s for his role in The Lost Boys, claims that Victoria gnawed on his lips and made a strange grrhh sound when they kissed. The pair met in 1995 when Victoria was at a London recording studio with her Spice Girl bandmates. They were ’soulmates’, says Haim, who claims Posh was so serious about him that she took him to her family home - where her parents warned him off visiting her bedroom at night.

“When she kisses she does this little grrhh thing. What did it feel like? Like a girl gnawing on your lip!” says Haim in a recent kiss-and-tell magazine interview. (Source)

Corey’s got it all wrong. When a chick bites your lip, that’s called flirting. When she spanks you on the ass, that’s called foreplay. And when she ties you up in leather, stuffs a ball gag in your mouth, and urinates on you like you’re a fire hydrant, that’s called love.* Is anyone actually surprised Victoria bit Corey’s lip? Look at the bitch — she’s starving!

*According to R. Kelly and Kim Kardashian

[WENN]

David and Victoria Beckham at Via Veneto restaurant in Santa Monica (4/20)

For her 34th birthday, Heidi Klum bought friend Victoria Beckham a “Cupcake of the Week” gift from L.A. bakery Sprinkles. In Touch Weekly says:

The treats will be delivered every Friday for a year — which totals a staggering 170,000 calories! “It will cost Heidi around $2,000,” an insider tells In Touch. “The card said ‘Happy Birthday — expect a dozen every Friday! Love, Heidi.’”

No way in hell Posh eats these cupcakes. We’re talking about the same chick that once donated money to the Feed the Children organization because she thought they’d tell her “those kids totally majuhhh dieting secrets!” You might as well sign Kirstie Alley up for the “Salad of the Month” club.

[WENN]

Victoria Beckham yesterday at LAX and any Word War II era German officer

Bauer-Griffin

Victoria Beckham at LAX on Sunday

More Victoria Beckham pics after the jump…

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Bauer-Griffin

Plastic Spice (aka Victoria Beckham) is finding her transition to Los Angeles going less than smoothly. Because people hate her. People like the management of the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Hollywood. A source told the New York Daily News:

“She always lets the paparazzi know when she’ll be arriving. The Chateau Marmont tries to give celebs their privacy, and they hate her there. They like David [Beckham, her husband], though.”

But surely some people must like Victoria? Perhaps Britney Spears?:

Britney Spears turned up at the Chateau and the only table available was the one next to Posh,” laughs the snitch. “But Britney didn’t want to sit next to her, so she and her friend stormed off to Il Sole instead.” (Source)

Wait, this is Britney Spears the crazy chick who shaved her head and not Britney Spears the housewife from Utah, right? OK, I just wanted to make sure. Because they don’t have feed bags at the Chateau, they have silverware and plates. It’s weird that Britney would be seen there.

NOTE: Maybe Victoria would have had better luck with Britney if she dressed up as an eclair. “Imagonna git u giant eclair!”

Daily Mail

Victoria Beckham’s legs look like something out of a Stephen King novel. Right leg? Completely normal. Left leg? Burnvictimish. Is that even a word? Of course it is.

The reunion we all haven’t been eagerly anticipating is finally here: the Spice Girls are back! The group will begin an 11-city worldwide reunion tour December 7th in Los Angeles. The Daily Mail reports:

The reunion tour, which is set to hit London on December 15 and take in Madrid, Koln, Las Vegas, Sydney, Cape Town and Buenos Aires among others will certainly be lucrative for the Spices. They are expected to pocket about $20 million each. Mel C said of their reunion: “We wanted to say thank you to our fans. It just feels very right for us.” (Source)

I can think of exactly 20 million reasons why these nags are reuniting and not one of them involves thanking fans … unless it’s in the context of “buying t-shirts.” Would it really be that bad to just admit they’re going on tour because they squandered their fortunes on blow, 15-car garages, and for Victoria Beckham: plastic surgery? I heard she had so much work done last year she had to hire eight subcontractors.

Actually her husband, David, has more money than you. But Victoria is certainly doing a bang up job in spending it. In Touch magazine reports on the half-million-dollar closet she designed for her new L.A. home:

It supposedly features a leather floor, Baccarat crystal chandelier, $80,000 Andy Warhol shoe print, a computer that tracks when she wears items of clothing and a camera to give her a 360-degree “cat scan” of her outfit before she steps out. (Source)

$500k! And I got pissed off at my wife last week when she bought Charmin toilet paper instead of the store brand. Don’t get me wrong, that stuff is soft–squeezably soft–but reckless purchases like that means overtime at the mill for you know who. I know I shouldn’t have hit her but that’s how Dad taught me to solve conflicts.

UPDATE: I’ve been getting some hate mail about that last comment. I apologize, I should have been more clear. It was an open-handed slap. Trust me though, that bitch still got the point.

In between her busy schedule of shopping and, umm, shopping, Victoria Beckham revealed to Sky News she hates celebrity gossip bloggers–yes even those with a smile that’s been known to stop traffic:

“I think these people are pretty spineless, the way they hide behind pseudo-names. They don’t really know what’s going on in anybody’s lives. They’re just sad people that sit behind their computers.” (Source)

Spineless? You knock over one old lady during a fire drill and you get a reputation. It’s just unfair. As for that “pseudo-name” nonsense, I’ll have you know “Handsome McGee” is my given name. In all seriousness, I forgive you Victoria. I could never stay mad at such a natural beauty.

David Beckham angered his wife Victoria the other night at Nobu in London. The two were sitting near former muscular tranny model Kelly Killoren Bensimon (above) and David simply couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. According to a witness:

“Beckham was straining his neck to check Kelly out the entire time. Everyone at her table was commenting on it. Finally, Posh got up and left, and she barely ate anything.”

No shit Victoria/Posh barely ate anything. You don’t achieve a weight of 87 pounds by actually eating. Just like you don’t achieve a reputation as a crime-fighting badass without taking out a motorcycle gang or two … I lied, it was four.