Usher

Rihanna arriving to Milk Studios in New York (10/19)

I seriously envy Rihanna's next boyfriend (possibly Usher). All he has to do is be careful not to beat the shit out of her (stick to the verbal abuse) and he'll be seen as Prince Charming. From the National Enquirer:

Usher has been secretly calling and texting the [Rihanna] for the past three weeks, and she's been very friendly, sources tell the Enquirer.

"Usher has been making moves on Rihanna and she seems to like him a lot," revealed an insider. "He calls her at least twice a day and they text all the time -- he tells her how beautiful she is and that he can't wait to show her how a woman is supposed to be treated. Usher even sends Rihanna flowers and includes a cute little quote or song-lyric message."

Despite the mutual attraction, Rihanna wants to take things slowly with Usher.

"Even though they are very interested in each other, Rihanna refuses to be seen in public with him in a romantic setting until his divorce is final because she doesn't want any drama with [his estranged wife] Tameka. Right now she's just enjoying the flirting." (Print Edition - 11/2)

Usher better be careful -- if he keeps flirting with Rihanna like this, Chris Brown might get angry and be forced to do something violent . . . to the nearest 90-pound woman he can find. What exactly does Usher want with a chick that's taken more shots to the face than Jenna Jameson? If he really wants to go after someone whose body has been ravaged by flying fists, he shouldn't pursue Rihanna -- he should pursue Lindsay.

Usher and Tameka Foster in New York in 2007

Even though she almost died last month during a liposuction procedure in Brazil, Usher's wife Tameka Foster is still determined to get the fat sucked out of her. An "insider" told the National Enquirer:

"It was the worst few days of Usher's life -- but now he's frightened to death all over again because Tameka insists she still wants the surgery. She wants to wait a couple of months, and then go through it again in the States. Tameka is still determined to get a full body makeover. Now Usher is desperately trying to convince her that she's beautiful just the way she is. He swears he'll be the one in the hospital if he has to go through the risk of another life and death battle with Tameka." (Print Edition - 3/16)

Newsflash Tameka: Even if you go through with this procedure, survive it, and come out looking ten times better than you did before, your husband's still going to cheat on you with a gaggle -- or is it a flock? --  of 19-year-old groupies. Rather than have the procedure to please her husband, Tameka should just do what most celebrity wives seem to do to these days to make their spouses happy: Ask for a divorce.

Usher speaking before the House Education and Labor Committee (2/25)

Usher's backtracking on the comments he made in which he criticized Chris Brown for taking a vacation in Miami last week. In a statement released late yesterday, he said:

"The comments made during a recent recording session amongst friends were taken out of context and blown out of proportion. I apologize on behalf of myself and my friends if anyone was offended. The intentions were not to pass judgment and we meant no harm. I respect and wish the best for all parties involved." (Source)

You're sorry for taking a stand against the coward that sent his girlfriend to the emergency room? Really? What are you afraid of, that Chris will come after you next? Don't worry, he only beats up things that wear eye shadow. Usher -- and I mean this in the nicest possible way -- you're a fucking pussy.

Chris Brown jet-skiing in Miami (2/25)

In what's sure to score him some points with the ladies, Usher slammed Chris Brown's decision to go jet-skiing over the weekend in Miami. In a video posted by Jermaine Dupri as part of his "Living the Life" series, Usher said: 

"I'm a little disappointed in this photo. After the other photo [of Rihanna's bruised face posted by TMZ]? C'mon, Chris. Have a little bit of remorse, man. The man's on jet skis? Like, just relaxing in Miami?" (Source)

In Chris' defense, his Miami getaway wasn't all fun and games. I don't think the water hit 70 once during the weekend. If you're not careful in water that cold, you can develop a slight chill.