Eva Longoria is definitely possibly pregnant
Is Eva Longoria pregnant? Sure, why not. Longoria's behavior at Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant in Las Vegas over Labor Day weekend definitely confirmed the recent rumors. Maybe. From the New York Daily News:
Eva Longoria Parker added fuel to pregnancy rumors by skipping the silly sauce and raw foods in Vegas on Labor Day. The star instead nibbled edamame and drank water at the opening of Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant and Bar at the Bellagio, and even passed on a round of shots bought by Wilmer Valderama for her table of gal pals. (Source)
[WENN]
Eva Longoria bikini pics! (Portofino, Italy - 7/10)
We finally have an answer to the age-old question of whether a man lacking testicles can still impregnate a woman. According to Eva Longoria's stomach, the answer is yes.
NOTE: 17 more Eva Longoria bikini pics on PAGE 2 (CLICK HERE)
It's not a purse. It's European.
Remember Alexandra Paressant? She was the French model that claimed to have had a two month affair with Eva Longoria's new husband Tony Parker. Turns out she's a lying whore. Dana Kennedy over at the Huffington Post (and People magazine) did some digging and found that Paressant pretty much made up everything:
. . . bewildering holes started to appear in her story. Routine checks by a growing team of PEOPLE reporters assigned to the story showed that bookers at the modeling agencies she'd listed had gotten photos, emails and calls from her - but she never showed up in person. Nobody had ever met her.The photo X17 used to illustrate the increasingly raunchy anecdotes Alexandra was feeding them about Parker appeared to be of a German model named Hana Nitsche.
Even weirder: Alexandra gave me the mobile phone number of her alleged best friend Ornella Irie. When I called "Ornella," the voice that answered was unmistakably Alexandra. "Ornella" was not to be confused with "Olivia Ducreu," a woman Alexandra has called her agent who also is said to be Paressant herself.
Then it turned out that before PEOPLE, there was one small monthly magazine in France called SO FOOT that investigated Paressant. The reporter, Alexandre Gonzalez, was suspicious about Paressant's alleged relationship with Ronaldinho and tracked down Paressant's divorced parents and old friends in her hometown, Le Creusot in Burgundy. Even her mother told Gonzalez that Alexandra always liked to make up stories. (Source)
I knew this story was bullshit. It just didn't add up. Between holding Eva's purse, peeing sitting down, and complaining that the wine cooler he's drinking is too "alcoholy," where does a guy like Tony find the time to bang a French supermodel?
French model Alexandra Paressant
French model Alexandra Paressant is claiming today that she had an affair over the summer with Eva Longoria's husband Tony Parker. The two were first introduced to each other by mutual friend Thierry Henry at Tony and Eva's much-hyped wedding over the summer. After exchanging "steamy" phone calls and text messages, the two finally sealed the deal at the Park Hyatt Hotel in late September while Tony was in Paris. Paressant told paparazzi company X17:
"We had room service. He said that Eva sexually speaking does not want to do certain things. She do not want to make love in front of a mirror, does not like certain position and thinks that sperm gives acne." (Source)
I don't know what's funnier about that quote, the fact that Tony Parker likes to "paint" Eva Longoria's face or the fact that Eva Longoria thinks sperm gives acne. I gotta go with the first one but only because I know from *personal experience* that sperm doesn't cause acne. You've seen Adriana Lima's face, right? Thing's as blemish-free as my college transcripts. Summa cum laude bitch and don't you forget it.
NOTE: I did some digging and found Alexandra's MySpace page. She obviously likes a certain member of the San Antonio Spurs:
You'd think a fancy wedding with hundreds of guests in a historic French castle would drain your bank account? Nope--Eva and Tony Longoria actually profited from it. In addition to picking up a cool $2 million from OK! magazine for exclusive photos from their wedding last weekend, all of the goody bags given to guests were sponsored. From this morning's New York Post:
Those invited to the insanely over-covered nuptials got $700 bracelets from French jeweler Van Cleef & Arpels, along with Bebe bags filled Vitamin Water, L'Oreal products for women and a Cole Haan kit for men. At least the lovebirds paid for their wedding rings and luxurious gifts for each other, but, "They didn't purchase anything for their guests," said our insider. Even the tacky "Mrs. Parker" track suit Longoria sported before hopping on her honeymoon plane was a gift from Bebe, the fashion company she endorses. (Source)
The sponsored goody bags are just the tip of the iceberg--imagine if Eva ever had a baby! "Eva's second cycle of contractions sponsored by Cingular Wireless--Raising the Bar" or "Eva's dilated cervix brought to you by Dell--Dude you're getting a Dell!" ... and the obvious "Eva breast feeding her baby courtesy of the California Milk Processor Board--Got Milk?"
Eva Longoria is officially married to Tony Parker. The two tied the knot today at the 4th district city hall in Paris. Since France is a secular country a civil ceremony is required before a church ceremony can be held. The "real" wedding and reception are being held tomorrow at the Chateau Vaux-le-Vicomte, a 17th-century castle just outside Paris. For today's ceremony, the bride wore a Chanel white tulle and sequin embroidered dress and tulle jacket. The groom's testicles were kept in a matching Chanel quilted tote.
As if nearly destroying his burgeoning rap career wasn't enough, Eva Longoria is now playing into fiance Tony Parker's jealous streak by talking about other NBA players. A friend of the couple revealed:
"Tony has a jealous streak, and Eva plays it for all it's worth. She tells him she's had a crush on Michael since she was a little girl - and says now that he's divorced, maybe she could trade up!" Tony doesn't find the teasing funny, said the friend, but endures it because he's desperate for his Desperate Housewife. (Source)
Wait a minute, Eva's looking to trade up? Shouldn't it be the other way around? For Christ's sake Eva was born in the freakin' 1970s--she's 32 years old! ... in other words well beyond those peak hotness months that usually occur in between a woman's 18th and 19th birthdays. If anything, Tony should be the one looking for another woman. He's young, rich, and has a French accent. Chicks dig French accents. And huge packages. Guess which one I have? HINT: I was born in California and don't have a passport
Tony Parker wants to get married to Eva Longoria on July 7th because he feels the day "7-7-07" holds the most luck. According to Us Weekly, the couple will get married at the Château de Chantilly, a fairy-tale-like castle north of Paris. Longoria, 31, is traveling to France in February to hammer out some of the details. Tony's mother, Pamela, will also be on hand to help with the arrangements. Which is a good thing since...uh..it's her day, too:
"Tony wants her to feel that it's her day as well as his and Eva's," says a source.
Later in the article Parker added, "Some of my friends think it's weird that I breast fed until I was twelve but who has the strong bones now?" C'mon Tony, cut the damn cord. Weddings aren't supposed to be about mothers. They're supposed to be about getting your new wife so liquored up that she'll finally give in to those anal requests you've been peppering her with. Based on my experiences, the breaking point usually occurs around the 8th daiquiri.
