Tony Parker

Life is good

Wow, Tony Parker's new life as a bachelor sounds like it sucks. However does he bring himself to get out of bed and face the world every morning? From the New York Post:

Eva Longoria may have moved on to a new man, but her ex Tony Parker is still enjoying the single life. The San Antonio Spurs star, who spent Valentine’s Day flirting with a brunette at Tao in New York, was out for a boy’s night at Hennessy Black’s NBA All-Star party in L.A. Friday.

A spy told us: "Parker and his pals were definitely celebrating his new-found freedom - he was surrounded by a group of 12 ladies, dancers, and a ‘hot’ bartender."

What a surprise. A world famous millionaire athlete was able to quickly rebound from his divorce and find a gaggle of hot sluts willing to hang out with him. The only thing shocking about this story is that Tony was partying with only 12 chicks. If I was this guy, I'd tap so much ass that I'd have to walk around with an IV in my arm to replenish fluids.

*6 Tony Parker pictures total in the gallery:

Mario Lopez arriving at The Grove in Hollywood (11/30)

Did Mario Lopez break up Eva Longoria's marriage? Sure, why not. From the National Enquirer:

“Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria’s husband Tony Parker cheated on her with up to SEVEN different women, The Enquirer has learned exclusively. But the couple’s marriage was also torpedoed by the basketball star’s jealousy over Eva’s platonic friendship with “Extra” host Mario Lopez and Tony’s frustration that she couldn’t get pregnant, insiders say.

“Eva thought she’d found the perfect man in Tony, but in the end he deceived her, lied to her and broke her heart,” a close source told The Enquirer. Tony was also rumored to be secretly seeing another women in France besides Alexandra Paressant. Despite his cheating, Tony was extremely jealous of Eva’s close friendship with Mario Lopez, insiders say. “Tony never liked or trusted Mario,” said a source. “He called him ‘the pretty boy actor who’s mad that he can’t have my wife.’” (Print Edition - 12/13)

Can you really blame Tony for not wanting his wife to hang out with Mario Lopez? I'm not the jealous type, but if my wife was always palling around with a dude whose abs look like they came straight off of an infomercial, I might just decide to wander off and sleep with a bunch of different woman, too. Then again, if I was a millionaire athlete, jealousy wouldn't cause me to cheat. But an empty bathroom stall might.

*6 Mario Lopez pictures total in the gallery:

Everyone hates Tony Parker

Eva Longoria, his teammates, his coach -- everyone hates Tony Parker. Hell, even his boogers hate him. A source told E!:

"[His teammates on the San Antonio Spurs] are super pissed about it all," the source says about the other players and their feelings regarding Tony's alleged sexting with Erin Barry, the soon-to-be ex-wife of his former Spurs teammate Brent Barry.

The Spurs are known around the league for running one of the premier franchises by drafting and signing good character and chemistry players. This is the kind of thing they try to avoid. Making the situation slightly more awkward is the fact that Parker signed a four-year, $50 million extension with the team last week.

"The Spurs staff is very upset and [Spurs head coach Greg Popovich] would trade him if he didn't just sign that big deal," the source insists.

It's never a good idea to mess around with one of your co-worker's wives. Christmas parties become awkward, you get the evil eye at lunch, and you never seem to get back that TPS report you needed collated. Of course, when you've just signed a $50 million contract, there's only one thing you really care about when it comes to your office mates: their feelings establishing rapport nothing.

*10 Tony Parker pictures total in the gallery:

Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria

Eva Longoria officially filed for divorce today in L.A. County Superior Court. The actress cited "irreconcilable differences" only because "my husband banged his teammate's wife" wasn't an option. From OK!:

After Eva admitted she found text messages from the wife of  a former teammate of her husband on Tony’s phone, a Sports Illustrated reporter is citing a source who says that woman is Erin Barry. She is going through a divorce from Brent Barry, who played with Tony on the San Antonio Spurs.

Reporter Bryan Graham Tweeted: “Have it on good authority from entertainment sources that “former teammate” in Tony Parker-Eva Longoria affair is Brent Barry.”

He also added, “Don’t have much else on Parker/Longoria affair. Source did mention Barry and wife are going through a divorce.”

Extra’s Mario Lopez, a close personal friend of Eva’s, said she told him that she discovered hundreds of text messages from another woman on her husband’s phone, and the woman turned out to be one of his NBA teammates.

I used to think that a bad NBA point guard was one who looked to shoot first instead of creating shots for his teammates, but now that I think about it, secretly banging your wife on off-days is way worse than not passing it to you at the top of the key for an open jumper.

*15 Tony Parker and Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria in Paris (9/21)

OK, this is really starting to get annoying. First Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were splitting up. And then they weren't. And now they are again. From Us Weekly:

Multiple sources tell Us Weekly that Longoria Parker recently discovered that her husband has been exchanging personal texts with a mutual female friend for nearly a year - hundreds in just one month. She plans to file for divorce soon, sources tell Us.

"Eva is heartbroken by the betrayal," says one insider, adding that her husband confessed to the inappropriateness - which took place for nearly a year - after she confronted him. Adds another friend, "Once the trust was lost, the marriage was over."

Nonetheless, the decision to end one of Hollywood’s most affectionate and glamorous romances wasn't easy. "Eva truly thought she was going to grow old with Tony and have children with him," adds the pal. "She’s inconsolable."

Sexy text messages? Really? She's ready to pull the plug on a three-year marriage because of that? Tiger Woods fucked half of Florida and it took his wife 8 months to divorce him. No, I don't think these sexy text messages were the problem. It's pretty obvious that Tony isn't the person Eva is in love with. I think her true love goes by the name of . . . OSAMA BIN LADEN!!! You traitor bitch.

*10 Tony Parker and Eva Longoria pictures total in the gallery:

Are Eva Longoria and Tony Parker divorcing?

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were married in 2007 in a much-publicized ceremony at a city hall in Paris . . . A CURSED CITY HALL! Actually, I'm not entirely sure that's true, but that would be the most interesting explanation as to why Tony filed for divorce yesterday in Texas. Um, maybe. From TMZ:

A rep for Eva Longoria tells TMZ our story that Tony Parker filed for divorce is not true. TMZ reported that Tony had filed for divorce.  Two clerks at the Bexar County Courthouse in Texas had told us the case was filed and sealed by a family law judge. But Eva's rep tells us Tony did not file and does not even have a divorce lawyer.

Another clerk at the courthouse now tells us she's in charge of sealed cases and says no such case has crossed her desk.

And of course, the "exclusive" story posted earlier on TMZ about Eva and Tony getting a divorce has mysteriously disappeared. This is why I really hate the internet sometimes. It's too easy for rumor to turn into fact. This whole situation reminds me a lot of 2004 when Us Weekly said I didn't even place in the "Hottest Buns Daytona Beach" contest. Well then how did I get this fancy ribbon, Us? HOW DID I GET THIS FANCY RIBBON?

*15 Eva Longoria and Tony Parker pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria (and Tony Parker) leaving Katsuya restaurant in West Hollywood (8/16)

+ The hot Kardashian sister in a bikini [IDLYITW]

+ HBO is nothing but tits [Drunken Stepfather]
+ Nudity isn't meant to be bloody [PopEater]
+ Tila Tequila topless (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Jessica Simpson opens mouth, says something ridiculous [Celebuzz]

+ Now that is a rack! (NSFW) [College Humor]
+ Insert Jake Gyllenhaal beard joke here [Socialite Life]
+ Sprite is delicious! [Double Viking]
+ Hugh Jackman will not be selling Avon [I'm Not Obsessed]

LIST OF THE DAY: 25 Hilarious Weatherman FAIL Videos

*18 photos total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria bikini pics! (St. Tropez - 6/3)

I've studied these pics for the past few hours now. I viewed them from multiple angles, different resolutions, and even in black and white. Using the data obtained from my hours of analysis, I constructed a pie chart, a graph, and am employing the use of a laser pointer to point at the pie chart and graph. I've come to the conclusion that yachting seems like something I could really get used to.

Eva Longoria's marriage on the rocks?

Eva Longoria was spotted at a gas station in L.A. on Tuesday without her wedding ring on, leading many to believe that her marriage to Tony Parker is on the rocks. But not me. I'm sure everything's fine. Don't worry Tony, she probably just misplaced it. Perhaps while having sex with another man? Wait, no, you didn't hear that. Wow, I'm really no good at this whole cheering up thing.