Archive: Tommy Lee

Pam and Tommy at a landscaping store in Malibu (6/4)

In 1998 Tommy Lee plead no contest to hitting and kicking his wife Pamela Anderson while she was holding their 7-month-old baby son Dylan. A day after Tommy was sentenced to six months in jail, Pam filed for divorce. Yada yada yada, ten years later, they’re giving it another shot. Rolling Stone says:

We visited Mötley Crüe in their Hollywood rehearsal studio yesterday as they prepped for their summer CrueFest tour. Yes, they rocked, and we’ll have a full report in the next issue of Rolling Stone, but because you’re our pals, we thought you’d want to know one bit of news right away: “Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together . . . We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.” (Source)

800 times? He means that bowling pin they keep under their bed, right? Trust me Tommy, just keep at it and eventually you’ll be able to fit the entire thing up Pam. The important thing is you must keep trying. Don’t give up just because Paris Hilton was first to break the half pin barrier. What if NASA had given up just because the Russians reached space first? We would have never reached the moon. The entire bowling pin is your moon Pam and Tommy.

[Pacific Coast News]

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Remember the joke I made on Monday about getting Kid Rock and Tommy Lee into a ring? Apparently someone was paying attention. From the New York Post:

Vegas lounge impresario Jeff Beacher wants to settle the score between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock once and for all - with a winner-take-all $1 million boxing match between Pamela Anderson’s exes. After the two clashed at the MTV’s Video Music Awards, Beacher decided the time has come for them to lace on the gloves. “We all know that they are fighting over Pam Anderson,” said Beacher. “What better way to settle their differences then to slug it out in the ring!” (Source)

There’s no way this fight gets off the ground. The Nevada Athletic Commission has a strict rule against more than ten STDs in the ring at one time. It’s why Paris couldn’t do that Celebrity Boxing show on Fox a few years ago. Besides, if I actually wanted to watch a fight between two whiny bitches, I’d start paying attention to the Rosie/Trump feud.

NOTE: This has nothing to do with this post but check out the kind of ass Tommy Lee was pulling at Coachella a few months ago (pic here and here). For the sake of her modeling career, that chick should think about getting implants.

For those of you that watched the VMAs last night, remember the joke Jamie Foxx made about Tommy Lee and Kid Rock getting into a fight (”stop all this white-on-white crime”)? Well that wasn’t actually a joke. The two rockers were involved in a minor altercation in the middle of the audience during Alicia Keys’ performance. While Kid was allowed to stay at his seat, Tommy Lee was kicked out and later cited for misdemeanor battery by Las Vegas police. Rap producer Rich Nice told the Associated Press:

“It looked like Tommy Lee initiated it because Kid Rock was ignoring him. And Tommy Lee kind of antagonized him. And then when Tommy Lee stood up, it looked a little weird, like, ‘Yo, what?’ When Tommy stands up is when Kid hit him the first time with a backhand And then Tommy Lee looked like he was trying to get at him to aggressively retaliate and then Kid Rock hits Tommy Lee again—bong. And then security grabs Tommy Lee in a headlock and pulls him off.” (Source)

Though Kid and Tommy are about as tough as Switzerland, we need to get these guys in a ring–fast. I can see it now, Michael Buffer at center stage, “And in this corner, weighing in at 75 pounds, The “Hep C Crusher”, The “Tattooed Horny Dude”, the “Ten Inch Tripod”. . . TOMMY LEEEEEEEE! And in the other corner, weighing in at 315 pounds, The “Has Been Hacker”, the “The Fug Mug”, the “Beer Belly Basher”. . . KIIIIIIIID ROCK! Noooooow let’s get ready to Bitch Slaaaaaaap!” My prediction: 10 years from now we’ll see one of these two (Kid Rock) fighting Dustin Diamond in FOX’s Celebrity Boxing . . . my money’s on Screech.

NOTE: The footage of the actual fight kinda sucks so I put up the above video of a dramatic reenactment, albeit a little bit more brutal.

Splash News

Tommy Lee allegedly had sex with a “blonde party girl” on Sunday night. Which isn’t really news in itself except that it happened on top of a table at Dune nightclub in the Hamptons during the afterparty for P. Diddy’s annual “White Party.” One witness told the New York Post:

“When Tommy walked in, he asked, ‘Is it cool to have sex in here?’ The hostess thought he was kidding, but . . . then he just went to town with this girl. We were trying not to pay attention because it was so disgusting.” (Source)

I hope he at least had the class/couth to hand out goggles to the restraint’s patrons. I mean really it is the Hamptons. On a completely unrelated note, I heard back in Tommy’s High School days he was once challenged by a classmate to see who had a bigger schlong; Tommy’s reply: “I’ll just pull out enough to win.” Or maybe that was Milton Berle . . . either way we can all agree that Tommy Lee has a large, almost novelty-like, penis. There’s a lesson somewhere in this story. I think.

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When you’re as popular as Mötley Crüe was in the ’80s, regular sex just isn’t good enough. Bassist Nikki Sixx explains to Blender magazine:

“For us it was always, ‘Let’s set a goal for something stupid and see if we can do it.’ We would put bounties out on stupid shit, like whoever could sleep with the fattest chick. And managers would start getting involved - one of them said there was a $10,000 bounty out for whoever could sleep with a mother-daughter team. Then that became too easy, so it was a mother-daughter-grandmother team. You couldn’t pay me now to do half that shit. (Source)

Sleeping with three generations of the same family isn’t that crazy. I heard there’s guys scattered around L.A. that have knowingly slept with Paris Hilton and only used two condoms. Now I don’t know if it’s true or not but it gives me cold chills just thinking about it . . . probably the same feeling a buffet owner has when he’s sees Michael Moore waddle through the door. Call me back Motley Crue when you have some better stories. *Yawn*

According to today’s New York Post, Kimberly Stewart and Tommy Lee are dating. The two were reportedly all over each other at last week’s opening of the Pink Taco restaurant in LA–which isn’t really that shocking. When two tens* like Tommy Lee and Kimberly Stewart get together obviously there’s gonna be an attraction.

*scale of 1-100

Rocker Tommy Lee ran into Kid Rock’s Danish girlfriend, model May Anderson, at the Victoria’s Secret party at Tao Beach in Las Vegas last week. And being the great guy that he is, he tried to hook up with her. According to one onlooker:

“He was desperately trying to talk to May. Tommy even sent members of his entourage over to ask her to join him at his table.”

Our source said the leggy lass refused his advances and instead opted for the polite conversation of Heidi Klum and Karolina Kurkova. (Source)

I know Tommy is still pissed about Kid marrying his ex-wife Pam Anderson but c’mon, trying to steal his girlfriend? That’s a rookie move. I’ve always lived by the creed that “living well is the best revenge.” Well that and signing up the person you hate for a shitload of magazine subscriptions. Superglueing their locks works, too. As well as kidnapping their daughter and faking her death. Ohh, that’s the best!

Pamela Anderson used her website to address the rumor about her and ex-husband Tommy Lee getting back together–yes that Tommy Lee, the one who was charged with spousal abuse while the two were married and who Pam was spotted kissing last week (above).

What Pam wrote:

“My biggest concern has always been my boys - they are completely well adjusted and happy and thriving. Their Dad has been in their lives in a productive but small way over the years - I’ve tried to remarry - move on - like any other single mom I’ve tried to create a healthy example for my kids always, that’s why I realized early on that we are better off on our own right now and work on our friendship if nothing else with their father who’s admittedly made mistakes but adores us. People do need time to grow up sometimes. I have faith that we’re heading in the right direction. I’m really not interested in bringing any other men into our lives.” (Source)

What I actually read:

blah blah blah … Tommy is hung like Secretariat and sex with him feels like getting split by a old growth redwood.

Tommy Lee still knows how to party. The rocker was spotted at Tao Las Vegas with Palms hotel/casino owner George Maloof over the weekend. Lee got so drunk he tried to climb a 20-foot-Buddha statue in the club. According to “spies”:

[Lee] came in about 10:30 and “ordered lemon-drop shots and a bottle of Dom Perignon for his table.” During dinner, Lee banged on his turned-over cocktail glasses with chopsticks and then tried to climb the Buddha. “Management told him to get down because the statue was going to crack.” (Source)

Much like Tommy Lee, I love desecrating religious symbols when I get wasted. Just last week I spraypainted a mustache on a statue of the Virgin Mary outside a local church. Like I tried to tell the officer before he so rudely broke two of ribs with his fancy stick, it’s not my fault they put that church so closed to my alley. I love getting drunk in that alley!

Tommy Lee didn’t act like he was famous at all Wednesday night at New York nightclub Home. According to one witness, Lee was “fawning” over a cocktail waitress to the point of obsession, “He just would not leave her alone.” The witness continues:

“He kept telling her about a new line of lingerie for men and his new perfume line. Tommy said that guys need to do more role-playing.” Lee hasn’t gone totally girly, though - our source also saw him tweak the cocktail waitress’ nose.

Someone might want to tell Tommy Lee that he is in fact Tommy Lee. A 12″ dong means you don’t have to fawn over cocktail waitresses. C’mon they have the word “cock” in their job title. Showing them that trick where it looks like you’re pulling off your thumb and reattaching it should be enough to get you laid. It works all the time on homeless chicks.

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