Even though she is insanely rich, Katie Holmes still looks for a deal. On a recent shopping trip, Holmes found just that. According to Mike Walker of the National Enquirer:
Katie Holmes cruised into swanky Marc Jacobs boutique in LA for the big after-holidays sale and beelined straight for the "Clearance" racks, swiftly snaring $30,000 worth of designer duds for just $8,000. Katie boasted to a staffer, "I'm so proud of myself for finding all these bargains!"
Katie's playing the wealth thing all wrong. You're supposed to flaunt your money with crazy things like manservants and personal teeth brushers, not go shopping off the bargain rack. "I can fucking buy and sell you" should become a staple of your vocabulary. And yes, Katie is rich enough to afford a stable of manservants. According to this world fact book I have on my desk, her and husband Tom Cruise's L.A. home represents the 139th largest economy in the world. Main exports include closets, shoe lifts, and crazy glances.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were forced to cut their honeymoon short because of bad weather. The two, along with Baby Suri, were spending time aboard the Yacht Arctic P just outside of the Maldives:
[Suri] was looking very cute as she arrived with her mum and dad at Male International Airport in the Maldives. The family flew home in the early hours in Tom's private Gulf Stream jet, where I'm sure they spent the journey planning another honeymoon.
Tom Cruise at Male International Airport? Are you fucking kidding me? That's almost too perfect. It's like Paris Hilton moving to a city named Whoreville. And who takes a baby on a honeymoon anyways? Honeymoons are supposed to be all about anal, liquor, crotchless panties, and anal.
Let's just hope that Tom doesn't take the rainy weather as a sign from the Scientology Gods that he has to ritually sacrifice Suri when he gets back to Los Angeles. That doesn't make sense? Well neither does this, this, or this.
Despite what you may have heard from every news outlet, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes did NOT get legally married in Italy:
A spokesman for the Church of Scientology for Rome, Fabrizio D'Agostino, said an exchange of vows with a Scientology rite was not legally recognized in Italy, and would have to be preceded or followed by a civil union. Bracciano Mayor Patrizia Riccioni said her office had not received a request to celebrate a civil wedding as of midday Friday.
While frantically waving an aluminum foil space shield above his head, another spokesman for the Church of Scientology stated:
"As is customary for couples marrying outside of the United States, Cruise and Holmes officialized their marriage in Los Angeles prior to their departure for Italy."
What does he mean by "outside" of the United States? Correct me if I'm wrong, but there's no possible way a Scientology wedding is recognized "inside" of the United States either, right? It'd be like me starting a religion called Felinetology where everyone marries their cat. Something tells me the IRS isn't going to let Mittens and I file our taxes jointly (she always gets screwed by those damn capital gains taxes). Why would Scientology be any different?
Residents of Braccianesi, Italy, are pissed that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes snubbed the host city the day of their celebrated wedding. Even though the city of Bracciano went out of its way to accommodate Tom and Katie (Many trashcans were repainted; roads closed; etc.) starstruck residents were left disappointed as Tom and Katie blew right past them on their way to Odescalchi Castle, not even taking the time to stop for a few pictures. Others are pissed that Tom invited the mayor of nearby Rome, Walter Veltroni, but not the local mayor, Patrizia Riccioni (pictured above).
Riccioni said, "They put up with all the inconveniences very patiently including the roads being closed and parking restrictions. It would have been nice if the couple had showed themselves to the public even for a brief moment - maybe at a window or from a balcony." Still, there are no hard feelings. "I have nothing against the couple to who I am very grateful for all the international publicity," she added. "It's likely it was just a slip up by the organizers of the wedding."
This is so like Hollywood to callously snub adoring fans. Last month I went out of my way for Jessica Biel. I shaved my chest, painted a huge heart on it, and knocked on her back door at 2 a.m. holding a bouquet of red roses (only the most romantic time of the night!). And what do I get for my troubles? Some bogus "trespassing" charge and a face full of pepper spray. Well guess what Jessica, there's plenty of woman who DO like my washboard abs and are NOT embarrassed by my chiseled features. The loss is yours.
Hadn't really heard about this, but apparently Tom Cruise had some sort of wedding at a castle in Italy over the weekend:
The windows and battlements of the castle were lit by hundreds of flickering candles and oil lamps. Inside, guests were serenaded by the blind Italian tenor Andrea Bocelli. The bride wore an ivory silk gown designed by Giorgio Armani, who was present at the party with his niece, Roberta. Armani also designed the single-breasted hand-made, navy blue suit worn by Cruise. Best man was David Miscavige, the head of the Church of Scientology.The ceremony followed a form prescribed by Scientology; it took place in the castle's former stables, decorated with white flowers and lasted barely a quarter of an hour, The kiss that sealed the union went on so long that some of the guests shouted "Stop, stop!"
Wow...look at how straight Tom Cruise is. I mean, people had to literally remind him to quit being so heterosexual at his wedding. I feel bad that I ever doubted Tom Cruise's love of vagina. Kind of like when I thought Elton John was gay and then it turned out he was one of the biggest womanizers in Hollywood. Wait...what?If you want pictures from their wedding, check out what I posted yesterday.
Here's the first pictures of the TomKat wedding. I'm gonna go watch football now and eat raw beef to remind myself that I still have a penis.
Note: I didn't know Scientology ceremonies including a ceremonial hacking of the brides feet off. I could have sworn that Katie was taller than Tom....Hmmmmm (thank buhbuh)
My God it's actually happening. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married tomorrow in the small Italian town of Bracciano. Understandably, Cruise and Holmes are keeping the wedding simple and low key, choosing to get married in a ginormous castle that normally costs $50,000 to rent. I say "normally" because the mayor of Bracciano, Patrizia Riccioni, is so happy that TomKat chose her city that she waived the entire rental fee. She also presented the couple with a congratulatory card that read:
"A sincere note in sign of gratitude from the city of Bracciano, for having chosen it as the place where to crown your dream of love." Riccioni has an even bigger honour in store for the couple when they become man and wife: she plans to give them honorary citizenship to Bracciano, "Because they have brought so much to our little village."
Yeah, we'll see how happy this mayor is when the horde of Scientologists sweep through town buying up the entire supply of Reynold's Wrap to make their aluminum foil hats. Because, as any true Scientologist could tell you, only a brand name foil will stop the government from reading all of your thoughts. The satellites will penetrate right through that store brand crap.
Note: That guy in the picture above is Xenu and, if you haven't guessed by now, he plays a prominent role in Scientology doctrine. Seriously.
Last Friday, after “a year and a half of anticipation,” family and friends of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise received a wedding invitation:
Us has learned exclusively that guests were notified late in the day to be free the weekend of November 16-19. The couple's rep, Arnold Robinson, confirms the wedding will take place November 18 in Italy--"All those details are correct," he says--and tells Us "proper security measures are being taken" to keep the vows private.The invites are just the latest detail scratched off the couple's "I do" to-do list. Italian designer Giorgio Armani has confirmed to Us that he will create Holmes' wedding dress. "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart," Armani, who will also whip up Cruise's wedding wear, tells Us. "It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."
This wedding is going to be freaking great! You just know Tom is gonna do something weird like tackle the cake or recite his vows using facial expressions only. If I was a betting man (and this flashy tophat confirms that I am), my money would be on him fighting a baby. Watch out mothers!
P.S. At the bottom of the story, Us Online is asking commenters if they’d rather get married in California or Italy. Strangely, “who gives a fuck” wasn’t an option.
Tom Cruise might be making another appearance on the Oprah Winfrey Show:
"Tom needs to repair his image and Oprah is more than glad to help him," the insider says. "She feels partially responsible for what happened because it all started on her show."
Tom's in a tough spot here. Since he can never truly repair his reputation, the best he can hope for is for some other famous actor to do something really insane to deflect some attention away from him....."Tom really doesn't seem as crazy to me ever since Tom Hanks stole that F/A-18 Hornet from the Navy and rained hell and fire upon downtown Los Angeles. Tough break crashing into the Hollywood sign."
