Tom Cruise and his son Connor leaving CUT restaurant in Beverly Hills (1/17)
Tom Cruise's [adopted] son Connor makes his film debut in the new Will Smith flick Seven Pounds. Rather than show up and support his son at the film's L.A. premiere on Tuesday, Tom chose to stay behind in New York to promote his new film Valkyrie. Via MSNBC:
"It comes as such a surprise," says a Cruise source. "When Connor was filming ('Seven Pounds') Tom was so excited and proud of him. It's sad Tom didn’t fly out for the evening. He could have missed one night of publicity to support Connor and Will." (Source)
Wait . . . Will Smith was at the premiere? And Tom chose not to go? WTF? Are they fighting? Maybe they're in one of those spats where they both snap their fingers in the air all flamboyantly and call each other a bitch and a slut. I don't understand. Didn't Will like those hot pants Tom bought him for his birthday? The only reason Tom would ever turn down Will was if ohhhhhhhh . . . David Beckham was in New York on Tuesday. That explains everything. "Becks, Becks, I have an idea, lets go the gym and you can do squats and I'll stand right behind you as a spotter" . . . "Tom we've already been to the gym seven times today."
Herr Cruise on set
The director of Valkyrie, Brian Singer, is convinced Hitler's ghost was haunting the set after a runaway tank nearly hit Tom Cruise. Singer told the National Enquirer:
"It started rolling on its own. Nothing was stopping it because it's a tank and it's meant to roll over camera crews and other things in its way. A very brave guy crawled in it and worked the brake system and got it to stop. Maybe the ghost of Hitler was in there!"Nice to know the dead can commute. The accident occurred in Cougar Buttes, California. Back in the "real" world, Tom's Nazi assassin flick Valkyrie premed last night in NYC to mostly ho-hum reviews. (Source)
Anyone else get the feeling this story was generated by a desperate publicist for a movie that's about a to bomb? If the producers really wanted to create some surefire buzz and turn Valkyrie into a guaranteed blockbuster, they would have let that tank hit Tom. That, or fuck the historical accuracy and have at least one scene where a topless Jessica Alba is skipping rope or jumping on a trampoline or something. Tits, dude. That's the key to success in Hollywood. It ain't complicated.
Love at first sight for Tom Cruise
Katie Holmes' contract to marry Tom Cruise included a special clause that the actress was to receive a sizable "love at first sight" bonus if she agreed to get married after only one date errrrrrrrrr Tom Cruise bought Katie Holmes an engagement ring after their first date. Wow, creepy much? From Cruise's interview with Tmagazine:
Did Kate tell you that as a young girl, she had a crush on you?"No. I didn't know that until later. As a young girl, Kate said she dreamed of marrying me. And I said I wouldn't want to disappoint her. I knew I wanted to marry Kate when I met her. After our very first date, I was sure. So I bought the ring shortly after that first date. At one point, I thought she was going to ask me to marry her first and I put her off by changing the subject. I wanted to ask her." (Source)
Newsflash: Tom didn't buy Katie's ring after their first date -- he bought it before . . . for Scarlett, Jessica, and Jennifer. Tom was so desperate to get hitched, I'm surprised he actually waited until their date was over to propose. And I love how Tom was worried that Katie was gonna ask him to get married. It actually would have been more appropriate if Katie asked since of the two, she's taller, less effeminate, and still has somewhat of a career.
[BauerGriffinOnline]
Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise in New York (10/14)
Remember Star magazine's story last month about Tom and Katie screwing up their daughter Suri by keeping her away from other kids? Since that story was released, there's been a remarkable turnaround in Suri's development. Tom and Katie are letting her play with other kids, she's making new friends, and has even been invited to a few birthday parties. Nah, I'm just kidding. They're still screwing her up. From the New York Post:
Poor Suri Cruise. The 2-year-old daughter of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise doesn't seem to get much playtime with other toddlers. A local spy who's seen Suri around other children says, "Whenever she sees kids, she gets excited and runs up to them and hugs them as if she never gets to see kids her own age. There's not a lot of socialization there." Indeed, almost every day there are different shots of Suri with her mother - always shopping and always alone. (Source)
News Flash: Suri isn't running up to other kids to say "hi," she's running away from her mother and saying "help me get away from this crazy bitch." I'd feel bad for Suri not having any friends if my only two weren't "Righty" and (on nights when I'm feeling unusually naughty) "Lefty." The best way to get Suri "socialized" with other children from around the world: Drop her off at Angelina's house.
Suri Cruise and Katie Holmes in New York's Central Park (8/17)
Suri Cruise has no friends. According to Star magazine, the two-year-old lives a "shockingly" lonely life, rarely interacting with children her own age. Why? Because her parents are paranoid freaks who don't trust anybody. A source told the mag:
"It's really sad. You can see how much Suri longs for someone to play with."Recently when Katie took Suri to NYC's Chelsea Piers to play in its gym, the girl's only playmate was her 29-year-old mom! "Suri takes a private class in a room in the back of the gym," an employee says. "I have never seen her play with any of the other kids."
On the rare occasions when she is around children her own age, Suri doesn't know how to act. "She does not interact well with them at all," reveals a source. "She doesn't like to share because she doesn't know how to — she never has anyone to share with!" (Source)
Seriously? Are we really worried about how "lonely" a two year old is? Nobody gives a crap about me when I spend the weekend home alone with a jar of Vaseline, my pants around my ankles, watching Golden Girls re-runs (I swear, that Blanche is such a sassy little troublemaker). The moment we all start caring about the feelings of a pampered little kid is the day our society finally collapses -- which coincidentally is the same day we can finally get rid of that whole "age of consent" thing that's always such a nuisance.
You don't even want to know where Tom's left hand is . . .
In an attempt to spend more alone time with him shed his growing belly and love handles, Tom Cruise has enlisted BFF David Beckham to help him lose weight. A source told The Daily Mail:
"David has been round at Tom's house a lot. While Katie and Victoria have been swapping fashion tips on the phone, David has been advising Tom on diet. Tom has a private gym at his home and David has been working out with him. He also gave him diet advice. Tom has been sticking to 1,200 calories a day, mostly grilled chicken and fish with lots of vegetables, salads and fruit. David put together a work-out regime that included the treadmill, weight training and fencing lessons together." (Source)
"Fencing lessons"? I guess that's what the kids are calling it these days. This story has to be fake since there's no way Tom is limiting his calorie intake to only "1,200" a day . . . semen alone is 1000 calories an ounce. The REAL reason Tom's been able to lose the weight: he's become bulimic . . . using David's 11th "finger"
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes leaving their New York apartment (8/24)
Sorry Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, but I think it's pretty obvious that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have the "Sexiest Couple Alive" title locked up this year.
[Splash News]
Tom Cruise's lawyer compares Dr. Drew to a Nazi
In an interview in next month's Playboy, Celebrity Rehab host Dr. Drew Pinksy reveals that, shock, a lot of celebrities are fucked up in the head. Especially Tom Cruise:
"A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that's a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect."
In a response to Page Six, Cruise's lawyer Bert Fields naturally compares Dr. Drew to a Nazi. I mean, obviously:
"This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels." (Source)
Joseph Goebbels was Hitler's Minister of Propaganda and one of the most powerful men in Nazi Germany. His divisive rhetoric led to the death of six million Jews. Dr. Drew is the Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at USC's Keck School of Medicine as well as the Director of the Department of Chemical Dependency Services at Las Encinas Hospital in Pasadena. A lot of people think he has a great smile. Fair comparison? Yes, I believe so.
[Getty]
Tom Cruise has a nice house
Tom Cruise's 10,000+ square foot mansion in Beverly Hills. The actor purchased the home in April of last year for $30.5 million.
NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!
[Splash News]
Tom Cruise and daughter Suri at a park in L.A. (3/26)
Tom Cruise used his daughter Suri as a sort of "ice-breaker" during a recent meeting he had with Disney chairman Dick Cook. A source told the National Enquirer:
"People were very much taken aback. They saw it as a ploy by Tom to soften his image and show that, 'Hey, I'm Disney material, a normal family man.' Naturally, people were curious about her, so she kind of served as an ice-breaker." (Source)
If Tom really wants to make himself more appealing to studio execs, he should do what scores of other Hollywood parents have already discovered is the secret to box office success: not just bring Suri to a meeting but actually sell her to Disney. That way, in 12 years, with accumulated interest, he'll have just enough money to pay for her psychotherapy . . . and subsequent abortion.
