Tom Cruise


Laura Prepon at the premiere of Machete Kills in L.A. (10/2)

A few months ago it was rumored that Tom Cruise was using a Scientology dating service to help him find a new wife to have sex with because that is what straight men do *fidgets nervously*, and one of the ladies he had his eye on was fellow cultist Laura Prepon. A source tells the UK tabloid Grazia that the two are now dating and having sex because that is what straight men do *fidgets nervously*:
"Tom has known Laura for a few years now and they are all in the same social group that includes John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston. He's always been fascinated by her and, since seeing her in 'Orange Is The New Black', that has turned into an attraction. So he bit the bullet and asked her out on a formal date."

Tom, 51, and Laura enjoyed both their first and second dates at a restaurant in The Manor Hotel, a Scientology retreat, and the actor is said to be "smitten" after pulling out all the stops to impress the 33-year-old beauty.

The source continued: "It may seem like an odd choice but it's a top restaurant called the Renaissance serving French/ Californian cuisine. He had her picked up in a vintage car, knowing it was one of her favourites, and had pre-ordered a vintage bottle of 1979 merlot, which was on the table when she arrived. They spent three hours laughing and joking. It's clear Tom is smitten and after the date he was on cloud nine.

"They had their second date at the restaurant too, meeting for Sunday brunch and she then accompanied him a few days later to a dinner party at John and Kelly's home."
Now this is more like it for our Tommy boy. Laura Prepon is already brainwashed by the Star Trek religion, she's hot as shit (or, um, she used to be), and she's a tall glass of water, just like the little guys likes 'em. Most importantly, Laura's career needs an injection of who gives a shit, because having a show on Netflix is just a baby step above fighting for Flavor Flav's affection Wednesday nights at 8 on VH1. Have at it, Tom. My only minor critique is that this whole charade is unnecessary. It's almost 2014. I'm no more inclined to watch one of his terrible movies whether he shows up on the red carpet with a gorgeous model on his arm or a backpack full of black cocks. And hey, the Kardashians are stars because of their backpacks, so it probably won't hurt Tom's career too much.

*20 Laura Prepon pictures total in the gallery:

  • Laura Prepon Date with Tom Cruise 1
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Katie Holmes out and about in New York (10/13)

Tom Cruise's ex-wives Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes are apparently friends now. Sweet. Yeah, I guess Katie wanted to be friends with Nicole during her marriage to Tom, but it just wasn't feasible because of her curfew. From Starpulse:
Nicole Kidman has become friends with Katie Holmes. The actresses - both ex-wives of Hollywood star Tom Cruise - have reportedly been in contact by phone and enjoy gossiping with each other about their families and careers.

A source told the National Enquirer: "[They had] a really nice conversation. They talked a little about what it was like being married to Tom and have stayed in touch ever since. They haven't discussed intimate issues like sex, and mostly chit chat about their kids and what's going on in their lives."
I'm calling bullshit on the source's version of this conversation. Ten bucks says Nicole and Katie were talking about Tom's dick 30 seconds after the initial "hello." And why wouldn't they? Two divorcees shitting on their former better half is as American as apple pie and a lack of health insurance. Look, it's all good for the Messiah because, for every 90-minute bitch session Nicky and Katy share over helpings of commiseration cheesecake, Tom's penis gains an inch. Xenu hath foretold it.

*5 Katie Holmes pictures total in the gallery:

  • Nicole Kidman Katie Holmes 1
  • Nicole Kidman Katie Holmes 2
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  • Nicole Kidman Katie Holmes 5

Tom Cruise is using a Scientology dating service

Tom Cruise is dating again. According to the British tabloid Grazia, he's enlisted the help of a Scientology dating service to find him a new wife. Because when you're a 100% heterosexual stud like Tom Cruise, why play the field banging supermodels across the world when you can lock yourself into a marriage? Makes perfect sense. Via the Daily Mail:
Tom's criteria includes that the new Mrs Cruise must have been a member of the Church for at least five years and be involved in the entertainment industry. The 51-year-old also seeks a "brainy" woman in her mid-to-late 30s.

A source tells the publication, "Tom needs to be strict about his criteria because he wants to avoid a disastrous match and he needs them to understand his hectic lifestyle and all that comes with it."

The father-of-three has already found a potential suitable candidate. The as far "unidentified actor" is known only to be friends with 33-year-old former That '70s Show and Orange Is The New Black star Laura Prepon. Tom is reported to have hit it off with the young lady at a recent gala event at the Scientology Celebrity Centre International in LA - though he's keeping his options open for now.
Who cares about Laura Prepon's friend -- what about Laura Prepon? Laura's damn good-looking, has a decent career, and is a tall drink of water, which is exactly how Tom likes them. The downside? Well, one would assume that if Laura is so smart, then she wouldn't be brainwashable enough to join that goofy "church" in the first place. Another dealbreaker might be the fact that Tom needs to feed her soul to his demonseed so it may live to trigger Armageddon, so sayeth Xenu, so sayeth the almighty, amen. What, too biblical?

*15 Tom Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tom Cruise Dating Who
  • Is Tom Cruise Gay
  • Tom Cruise Scientology Dating Service
  • Tom Cruise New Girlfriend
  • Tom Cruise Boyfriend
  • Tom Cruise New Wife
  • Who is Tom Cruise Dating
  • Who is Tom Cruise Marrying
  • Tom Cruise Secret Date
  • Tom Cruise Dating Laura Prepon
  • Laura Prepon Tom Cruise Rumors
  • Tom Cruise Hands In Pockets
  • Tom Cruise Famous Smile
  • Tom Cruise Clapping
  • Tom Cruise Shoe Lifts

Katie Holmes and Luke Kirby filming Mania Days in New York (5/14)

Katie Holmes is getting pretty close to her Mania Days co-star Luke Kirby, and Tom Cruise is not too happy about. Oh, I'm confused. Is he still married to her? From the National Enquirer:
The hot-to-trot single mom didn't hold back while filming sexually charged scenes with her "Mania Days" leading man Luke Kirby in New York recently.

"Katie put real passion into those kisses - you wouldn't have known they were scripted," said an eyewitness. She looked like she was in the throes of ecstasy. She loved every minute of it, and it's as if she was shoving it in Tom's face!"

Sources say the explicit poses sent Tom into a tizzy!

"He's fit to be tied," said an insider close to Cruise, 50. "This stuff is almost X-rated. He's also angry that Katie never showed that same kind of passion or public displays of affection with him ... Word quickly got back to Katie that Tom was upset over the photos of the sexy scenes, but she doesn't care anymore. She's showing him that he can no longer control her life. They share a child - that's all."
"...and this belongs to me..." - O.J. Simpson to Nicole Brown Simpson (while grabbing her crotch in a crowded bar, late '80s)

Awkward. Is this how Lord of the Multiverse Tom Cruise plans to control the ex, with public sniping and Colombian Neckties? I'd keep my head on a swivel if I were Katie and her fuckstick-of-the-month, Luke Kirby. Don't laugh, height-challenged guys like lil' Tommy are an angry bunch who take no prisoners. Micromanagers such as Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte and NYC Mayor Mike "The Nanny" Bloomberg are just two guys who make up for their shortcomings by being total cunts. Tom is cut from the same cloth (though a much smaller piece). Tom will undoubtedly use all of his Scientology powers to eat Katie's soul, and if that doesn't work, he'll just do what every Hollywood bully does and spread a rumor that she fucked Pauly Shore.

*30 Katie Holmes and Luke Kirby pictures total in the gallery:

  • Katie Holmes Luke Kirby 1
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Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, April 2

Tom Cruise and Olga Kurylenko at a photocall for Oblivion at The Ritz-Carlton in Moscow (pics start here)

Patrick Dempsey in Cabo San Lucas (pics start here)

Natalie Imbruglia leaving Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf in Hollywood (pics start here)

Mila Kunis out and about in London (pics start here)

Shia LaBeouf at the premiere of The Company You Keep at MOMA in New York (pics start here)

Nicole Richie leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Sienna Miller hailing a cab in New York (pics start here)

Amy Smart and her husband, HGTV star Carter Oosterhouse, out for a jog in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Selma Blair leaving a coffee shop in Studio City (pics start here)

Krysten Ritter on the set of Assistance in New York (pics start here)

Monica Bellucci arriving to the premiere of Des gens qui s'embrassent at Cinema Gaumont Marignan in Paris (pics start here)

Tom Hanks and is wife Rita Wilson a the opening night afterparty for Lucky Guy at Gotham Hall in New York (pics start here)

*114 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Olga Kurylenko High Heels 1
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Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise arriving at the Music Box Theatre in New York (1/2)

Apparently Tom Cruise is so worried about Suri Cruise being kidnapped that he's hired a body double for her as a protective measure. Suri's basically now a mini version of Saddam Hussein, you know, except she doesn't use rape as a tool of intimidation. OR DOES SHE? Actually, no. From the New York Daily News:
The News spotted Suri's alleged double as recently as Friday afternoon, after her mom, actress Katie Holmes, picked her up from her Manhattan school and they returned to their Chelsea home. The identity of Suri's alleged double wasn't immediately known and it's not clear if her duties extend to being TomKat's daughter's playmate. But the little imposter is apparently friendly with Holmes, who was photographed talking to her a month earlier.

"Tom wants the names of all the parents of the kids Suri plays with," said a source close to Holmes. "He has to approve them before Suri can go to their houses or apartments alone. He has them investigated and he keeps a file on everyone. He is very cautious when it comes to her."

For reasons unclear, Cruise has stepped up security around Suri in recent months and has met with risk assessment teams and kidnapping specialists, sources said.
Wow, this is pretty fucked up. Does the mother of the young decoy know that her daughter is there in case a sniper gets lazy? I bet she understands now why Tom and Katie gave Suri's little playmate so many shirts and hats with bulls-eyes on them. There hasn't been a mother so willing to destroy her children for the sake of money ever since Kris Jenner woke up this morning. "Psssst, Kim Kardashian authentic report card from the second grade . . .  a thousand bucks and it's yours."

*15 Katie Holmes pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Body Double 1
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Tom Cruise outside The Ed Sullivan Theater in New York before her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman (12/17)

Tom Cruise is dating again. In Touch says he was seen "sweeping" 26-year-old restaurant manager Cynthia Jorge around the dance floor last week at Le Baron nightclub in New York:
The pair first met Dec. 16 at the Lower East Side hot spot Beauty & Essex, where Cynthia works as a manager. As Tom left the restaurant after a meal of sashimi and empanadas with business associates, Cynthia handed the superstar her card, a restaurant insider tells In Touch.

The bold gesture paid off: The next day, Tom called Beauty & Essex at least twice trying to track down Cynthia -- and was "put on hold for a very long time!" according to the insider, who adds that when he couldn't get her on the phone, the insistent actor got a message to her.

Less than 24 hours later, the duo -- along with some friends -- met up at Le Baron, where Cynthia huddled with Tom in a booth when he wasn't pulling her out on the dance floor. "They did the salsa. He took her in his arms and spun her around the dance floor," a witness gushes. "Tom looked like a pro ... At one point, they began grinding together. It was straight out of Dirty Dancing. Tom seemed to be in his own world, completely smitten."
So Tom basically knew this chick for around 12 hours before he called her multiple times at work, leaving "insistent" messages. How come when he does that, it's okay, but when I do that, it's called "stalking" and "a violation of my probation"? I'll tell you why. It's because I'm so handsome (and have an extensive, often times violent, criminal history) and all the judges are intimidated by me. Mom even says so!

*25 Tom Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tom Cruise Date Night 1
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Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise at Brooklyn Bridge park in New York (9/3)

Katie Holmes still feels trapped by ex Tom Cruise, even though he's only like 5'6". C'mon, Katie, you're taller than him. You should be the one doing the intimidating. From the National Enquirer:
"Because of Suri, Katie is tied to Tom for life whether she likes it or not," said an insider. "If I were in her shoes, I'd be looking over my shoulder every step to see Tom's reaction. I know how she must feel. It would be torture almost 24 hours a day. I don't see how Katie would ever be able to relax. However she looks at it - she's trapped."

"The ongoing communications between Katie and Tom about Suri's schooling, visitation, her health or his financial obligations are certain to be a constant reminder of the control that Tom will probably always have," explained a close friend. "There will be a battle over Suri's affection for the holidays. Katie must be fretting over where Suri should spend Thanksgiving and what she should buy her for Christmas. There's always the worry that Tom will outdo Katie and make her feel inadequate as a mother." (Print Edition - 11/26)
I think Katie is over-thinking this situation, big time. Tom seems like a completely sane man . . . for a guy running a religion based on bad 1950's science fiction. OK, maybe Tom isn't so sane, but all is not lost. Katie can still have a life without Tommy Christ watching her every move. The solution is really simple: start dating black guys exclusively. No matter how crazy and intrusive Tom may be, I bet he doesn't want to be labeled a racist. I don't care how much power the Church of Silly Horseshit has, in today's world, the worst thing you can be called is racist. Right, Mel?

*15 Katie Holmes pictures total in the gallery:

  • Katie Holmes Scared Of Tom Cruise 1
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Tom Cruise and Suri Cruise in Manhattan (7/18)

In his bid to win the affection of his daughter Suri, Tom Cruise is creating a little monster. A little monster WHO MUST BE DESTROYED! Well, maybe not. But she is going to be a high maintenance little bitch when she gets older. From the Chicago Sun Times:
From the helicopter trip to pal Steven Spielberg's Hamptons estate for a swimming party, to that private jet down to Disney World for Suri's personal costume soiree as the Little Mermaid, to all the toys and fancy clothes he's gifted her with the past few weeks, Camp Holmes is worried about the impact it's having on the 6-year-old.

"This is not good," said a friend of Holmes from Ohio, where her parents still live. "As if Suri wasn't already spoiled enough, this is only making it worse. ... Now she's demanding only travel on private planes, for God's sake. She's just 6. Can you imagine what she'll be like by the time she's a teenager, if this keeps up? Plus Tom never disciplines her one little bit. Katie is the one who has to do that, and it's not good for that to be so totally one-sided."
Jealous? You should be. Katie Holmes and the rest of you need to understand that the elite like Suri and myself have a certain lifestyle that most can't comprehend. We one-percenters are operating on a totally different Thetan level than the rest of you -- deal with it. Look guys, certain perks have been made available to us by Big Bad Xenu: we don't sit in traffic with the riffraff; we don't pay taxes; and we certainly don't share the sky with ham-and-eggers like you people. Now fetch me my slippers made of the finest Egyptian cotton.

*15 Tom Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 1
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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes reach settlement

What looked surely to be a long, drawn out battle is over just like that. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have reached a divorce settlement. Holmes' attorney Jonathan Wolfe said in a statement:
"The case has been settled and the agreement has been signed. We are thrilled for Katie and her family and are excited to watch as she embarks on the next chapter of her life. This result could not have been achieved without the hard work of my partner Gary Skoloff and our co-counsel Allan Mayefsky, Michael Mosberg and Larry Trachtenberg of Aronson Mayefsky and Sloan and Peter Walzer and Chris Melcher of Walzer & Melcher in California. We thank Tom's counsel for their professionalism and diligence that helped bring about this speedy resolution."
In a joint statement, Tom and Katie said:
"We are committed to working together as parents to accomplish what is in our daughter Suri's best interests. We want to keep matters affecting our family private and express our respect for each other's commitment to each of our respective beliefs and support each other's roles as parents."
People adds:
Sources close to both sides say that Cruise, 50, and Holmes, 33, were working on an arrangement in which Suri lives in New York with her mother and her father is given generous visitation rights.
"Generous visitation rights" -- except during Comic Con, which is where I'm assuming all the Scientologists gather for their annual summit. Sorry, but that is one wacky, strange, and downright unbelievable set of beliefs. I'll stick to the religion where that one virgin chick got pregnant without actually having sex, thank you very much.

Story about John Mayer, Adam Levine, or Wilmer Valderrama banging Katie in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

*10 Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tom Cruise Katie Holmes Divorce 1
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Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: