Recently in Tila Tequila Category

Tila Tequila arriving to Mr. Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills (10/2)

Tila Tequila is roughly the size of a parking meter. I don't know what this means but I just though it was sort of funny.

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: "Something that costs a quarter for every 15 minutes, and a parking meter"

Tila Tequila Mercedes Benz Polo held at Bridgehampton (7/18)

Tila Tequila's boyfriend, NFL player Shawne Merriman, was arrested early Sunday morning after the -- wait, why is she famous again? -- accused him of choking her when she tried to leave his house in suburban San Diego. From CNN:

Nguyen signed a citizen's arrest at the scene, and Merriman was taken into custody on suspicion of battery and false imprisonment, according to the statement. Deputies didn't see any physical injuries on Nguyen, but she asked to be transported to a local hospital, sheriff's spokeswoman Jan Caldwell said. Nguyen's condition was not immediately known.

"Didn't see any physical injuries on Nguyen..." Tila Tequila is 4'11", 93 pounds. Shawne Merriman is 6'4", 265 pounds. Strange that he choked her, yet didn't leave a bruise or mark. Sean must be practicing that new martial art YOU LYING FUCKING WHORE-jitsu. Late Sunday night, Shawne released a statement:

On September 6, 2009 the San Diego Sheriffs Department responded to a citizens complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (aka Tila Tequila). I was taken into custody based upon that complaint.

At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided. We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety.

I in no way caused any harm to Ms Nguyen, however, paramedics were called and she was examined but no injuries were reported. She was released and has since returned to Los Angeles, California.

There have been no charges filed against me.

I want to thank the San Diego Sheriffs Department for their professionalism. I will continue to cooperate fully with the Department and I look forward to clearing my name regarding these false allegations.

I want to put this behind me so I can continue to focus on a successful season for the San Diego Chargers.

Naturally, Tila took to Twitter to mount her defense (the first time in her life she was the one doing the mounting):



Oh hey, guess who's lying again. HINT: She looks like a retarded alien from a planet full of other retarded aliens with big implants and even bigger foreheads. Yep, Tila! Turns out she's actually quite the prolific drinker. Check out the picture she posted hours before she was "choked" by Merriman:



She also did a little drunk twittering over the weekend while in San Diego (the tweets have since been deleted and her account has been made private but you can check them out here; you can run, you troll bitch, but you can't hide!):



The owner of the club where Tila and Shawne partied on Saturday night told the AP she was "visibly intoxicated." Merriman's attorney also claims there were more than a dozen people at Merriman's house at the time of the incident and "witness after witness after witness will back up his story 100 percent." Hmmmmm, it seems like there's a conclusion to be drawn here about someone lying but I'm having some trouble connecting the dots . . .

For lying about being choked and setting the troll rights movement back 20 years, I sentence Tila to 6 months of dating Chris Brown.

Tila Tequila at the "Save the Music" event at My House nightclub in Hollywood (6/17)

Tila Tequila needs to stop being invited to Hollywood events. This is really getting to be quite embarrassing. Her parents must be ashamed.

Random Guy: "I hear you have a daughter. What does she do?"

Tila's Mom: "--she's dead. Yep, definitely dead. Deader than a doorknob."

Tila's Dad: "And if you hear differently, you're mistaken. Because she's dead."

Tila Tequila bikini pics! (Granada, Nicaragua - 6/3)

That's Tila Tequila in Nicaragua yesterday "taking some time away from all the pregnancy rumors" as she wrote on her blog. Boy it must be a relief to finally escape the intense media spotlight that isn't focusing on her whatsoever. I swear, with all those reporters not following her around everywhere she goes and not asking about the pregnancy rumor she started, I thought she was gonna break.

Tila Tequila at Maxim's Hot 100 Party in Hollywood (5/13)

In what I can only hope is a cruel, cruel prank, Tila Tequila twittered last night (since deleted) that she's pregnant:

Before I bounce, and since it’s late...Im gonna tell y’all something REAL FAST, and then delete it ok?

Since nobody is awake...reason why I’ve been feeling sick on and off lately is because yes, I am pregnant! *GASPS******Ok, bye.

According to Tila, she doesn't know who the father is yet but she has narrowed down the zip codes to 90049, 90212, and 91330. Congrats Long Beach. You guys really dodged a bullet.

Tila Tequila (leaving Koi restaurant last month) and Ray J

Two of the biggest no-talent, attention-whoring-ass-clowns in Hollywood are dating. Tila Tequila announced on her blog yesterday that she's dating rapper Ray J (probably most well known as being the other half of the Kim Kardashian sex tape). I'll assume the two met some recent night at a club. I'll also assume formal introductions weren't done until the following morning when they woke up next to each other. From Tila's blog:

SO WHO IS TILA TEQUILA REALLY DATING????

Hey ya'll,

So there have been SO SO SO SO many rumors about me dating P.Diddy, Tyrese, to anyone you could possibly think of!  So I am taking to my blog to clear up all them rumors ok? I am not dating anyone of those guys, although they are all very close friends and I have the upmost respect for them.....however......my secret boyfriend......that I have been trying to keep on the hush hush for soooo long.......is.........are you guys ready????  My real boyfriend is RAY J!!!!!  Yes.....we've been dating for a while but didn't want the media to find out cuz it's nobody's business, but since all these other random rumors starting poppin up that I'm dating so, and so, I finally felt that I needed to tell the world that rumors are NOT TRUE!!!!

My baby is Ray J.....and no man has made me feel so loved and so happy in such a long time.  We really do love each other and I am so happy to have FINALLY met someone who treats me with respect and love.  He is so sweet to me and makes me melt everytime I see him.......I love my baby......so there you have it! Tila Tequila is officially dating Ray J!!!!!! I think we make the cutest couple....dont you?????  And this video that I posted earlier tonight was for him so he would hurry up and come over to see his wifey:

Of course these two are dating -- it just makes economic sense. Why buy your Valtrex at Wal-Mart when you can buy in bulk at Costco and save a shitload of money? But Ray J might want to start rethinking this relationship if Tila's already referring to herself as "wifey." Because over the years I've learned that there is only one thing rappers fear more than condoms and books: committed relationships.

Tila Tequila outside ONE Sunset lounge in Hollywood (4/1)

Tila Tequila's house apparently was broken into and ransacked last night. While in her house at 2 AM, Tila's stalker posted a few messages to her Twitter page:

I just broke into her house, killed her and her dog. Logged onto Twitter to tell you guys. She was signed on already. Tila Tequila is dead.
2 minutes ago from web

Tila Tequila is dead
6 minutes ago from web

Fortunately (or unfortunately if you really hate dumb whores), Tila's not actually dead. At 4 AM, she posted the following messages to her Twitter (her page has since been locked; you can see screenshots here, here, and here):

Im still shaking and crying! My dog in the trunk of the car, house is shattered, everything is smashed! I'm staying at a friend’s house 2nite
about 4 hours ago from web

Then I found my dog locked in the trunk of my car!!!!!!!!!! I've been crying all night. THis is fucked up. I'm sad and shocked and bye
about 4 hours ago from web

I dont want to call police because media will get involved and im an emotional wreck right now and dont media make it worse. Going away
about 4 hours ago from web

They Broke everything in my living room....EVERYTHING IS SHATTERED! I'm so sad right now....this sucks
about 4 hours ago from web

I dont want to talk about this anymore and will be taking some time off as I am sick right now......goodnight and I love u all. God bless
about 4 hours ago from web

Im moving into a different house very soon because I have a stalker who is very much so endangering my life at the moment....I love u all
about 4 hours ago from web

pt.3 too much has happened. I am scared, exhausted and drained but I am ok! Want to apologize to my fans who were worried about me
about 4 hours ago from web

Pt.2 but someone did indeed break into my house. It's been a very scary night for me. it's 4:10am now and have been dealing with it all
about 4 hours ago from web

Pt 1 This is Tila. I am deeply sorry for the earlier post about me being dead. I don't know who logged into my account and wrote that.
about 4 hours ago from web

I know this is a pretty serious situation but you gotta admit, locking Tila's dog in the trunk of her car is pretty damn funny. It's way funnier than drawing wacky faces on the wall with pig's blood . . . not that I've ever done that . . . twice.

NOTE: You know what else would have been funny? Putting a few pairs of panties in Tila's dresser. "Wait a minute, I don't own panties. Aw dammit, am I in the right house?"

Tila Tequila outside ONE Sunset lounge in Hollywood (4/1)

Tila's doing the trenchcoat thing all wrong. I just checked Google Maps and there isn't a high school within two miles of her.

Tila Tequila and Courtenay Semel at the Viper Room in L.A. (11/23)

You know that ugly chick that Tila Tequila always hangs out with that may or may not be her girlfriend? Her name is Courtenay Semel and she is a violent lesbian. From the New York Post:

Casey Johnson - the madcap Band-Aid heiress whose father, Woody Johnson, owns the Jets - is said to be wearing her hair in a short, butch style following a vicious catfight with her ex-girlfriend, Courtenay Semel. "Casey had a fight one night with her current girlfriend," heavily tattooed Lisa Marie Alvarez, a Los Angeles source, told Page Six. "Casey went to Courtenay's house, and Courtenay proceeded to beat the crap out of her, and then she lit her hair on fire. Casey had to be hospitalized." Casey's mother, Sale Johnson, reportedly flew to LA and consulted with lawyer Robert Shapiro. (Source)

Thank god lesbians can't have kids together. Can you imagine that little troll Tila knocking up Courtenay? During the delivery, I think the obstetrician
would either try to push the baby back in or just pass out.

Tila Tequila wants to adopt

I honestly don't know how this is legal but Tila Tequila wants to adopt a baby boy. At her book signing(!) in New York on Monday, Tila told Us Weekly:

"I definitely want to adopt a boy. Sometimes I think, like, let's just run away from Hollywood and adopt a son, and do my own thing. But then I realize, you know what? I want to make at least another billion dollars before I adopt children so I can just focus on them. Like, just move to an island and give them everything." (Source)

I've got a better idea. Find the kid that Tila was gonna adopt. Give him a stick and a parachute. Fly over Darfur and push him out. At least then he'd have a fighting chance at survival. If Tila's allowed to adopt this kid, she'll see him as no more than a fashion accessory to be paraded in front of the paparazzi. Hell, she'd probably keep him in a drawer.

[WENN]