Tara Reid

Tara Reid and Michael Lillelund in Paris in January

Tara Reid got engaged and married -- all in about two hours -- to mystery man Zack Kehayov over the weekend in Greece. Oh fun. I bet alcohol played no role in this whatsoever. The L.A. Times says:

There was initially confusion about the identity of the groom, with Reid's rep mistakenly saying the "American Pie" actress had married Danish businessman Michael Lillelund, a guy she'd broken up with in February after three months of dating.

"If she has married, then she hasn't married me, that's for sure," Lillelund told Starlounge. "If Tara has married, then I'll be the first to congratulate her."

"Just got married in greece I love being a wife!," Reid gushed Saturday.

Kehayov . . . he sounds foreign . . . really foreign . . . like one of those guys whose entire knowledge of American culture comes from a bootleg DVD they found in a dumpster 10 years ago. "I vill one day make Tara Reid, star of hilarious movie American Pie, my bride. She must no doubt be huge rich celebrity in America by now. She will rocket me to big time fame and fortune!"

*25 Tara Reid pictures total in the gallery:

Tara Reid at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio (4/15)

I've never noticed this before, but Tara Reid has no thighs. Weird.

*20 Tara Reid pictures total in the gallery:

Tara Reid at her day job

What in the hell? This is an old story recycled from 1999, right? That's the only way this makes sense. From Starpulse:

Playboy's April issue celebrates the golden age of Hollywood's most beautiful babes by announcing its annual Sexiest Celebrities list in the magazine's Sex and Music issue:

Natalie Portman (actress)
Hope Dworaczyk (model, 2010 Playmate of the Year)
Sophie Monk (singer, actress, model)
Tara Reid (actress)
Brooke Burke (model, author, TV personality)
Anna Paquin (actress)
Kendra Wilkinson (model, reality TV star)
Halle Berry (actress)
Candice Boucher (model)
Arianny Celeste (model, UFC ring girl)
Sasha Grey (model, actress)
Jennifer Lopez (actress, singer)
Kelly Brook (model, actress)
Michelle Williams (actress)
Holly Madison (model, reality TV star)
Beyonce (singer)
Amber Heard (actress)
Kim Kardashian (model, reality TV star)
Pamela Anderson (actress, model)
Jenni "JWoww" Farley (reality TV star)
Angelina Jolie (actress)
Claire Sinclair (model, Miss October 2010)
Crystal Harris (model, Miss December 2009)
Christina Hendricks (actress)
Megan Fox (actress)
Olivia Wilde (actress)
Scarlett Johansson (actress)

Wait a minute, I know how Tara made this list -- she's blowing someone at Playboy. I mean seriously, the only people who find someone like her attractive are dudes with C-section scar fetishes. Sure, Tara may have once been semi-attractive, but too much sun, partying, and cosmetic surgery can only lead to one inevitable outcome: pre-mature aging THIS.

*10 Tara Reid pictures total in the gallery:

Tara Reid is not wearing panties

That's Tara Reid at the Axe Boat Party in St. Tropez last night. While she definitely brought her unquenchable thirst for rum, tequila, and vodka, she unfortunately left her panties and inhibition at home. I know, I was shocked too -- stunned, really -- when I saw these pics. How the hell did Tara Reid afford a trip to St. Tropez? Incredible.

NOTE: To see the uncensored Tara Reid upskirt pictures, click the picture above or any thumbnail with a yellow star on it and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

*14 pictures total in the gallery:

Tara Reid at the Love Festival at the Palms in Las Vegas (5/29)

For the Memorial Day post on Monday, I included a picture of Tara Reid in Vegas over the weekend. The picture was under the heading "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!." Not "Tara Reid looks great" or "Man, I really want to bone Tara Reid," just "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!." Because she's still hideous. So imagine my confusion when Us Weekly started acting like the pics are something that shouldn't force me to go hide in Amish country, free of all internet:

Tara Reid is back in a two-piece. On Saturday in Las Vegas, the 34-year-old actress stepped out in a green bikini -- and for Reid, it was more than just a summertime kickoff. It's the first time Reid has worn a bikini in public since two botched 2004 plastic surgery procedures have been corrected.

Reid told Us Weekly in 2006 that she asked her surgeon for "big Bs...he gave me Cs and I didn't want them." An embarassing wardrobe malfunction on a red carpet revealed what the surgeon had done to her nipples. She said the snaps "devastated her."

The Taradise star also underwent body contouring with the same surgeon. "My stomach became the most ripply, bulgy thing," she told Us. "I had a hernia, this huge bump next to my bellybutton. As a result, I couldn't wear a bikini. I lost a lot of work."

Since then, Reid has had corrective surgery to erase that surgeon's mistakes.

Tara "lost a lot of work" because she couldn't wear a bikini? That's an understatement. The only people who have worked less than Tara over the past few years are Lindsay Lohan, Heath Ledger, and Congress. But if Tara thinks it was her botched surgery that caused her not to get acting gigs, she's sorely mistaken. It has more to do with her horrible acting skills and the fact that most major studios immediately fire you when you request to be paid in mini liquor bottles.

*4 pics total in the gallery:

Tara Reid's stomach seems upset about something . . .

Not so great news fellas! Tara Reid's back on the market! From People:

Four months after she got engaged, Tara Reid says her wedding planned for next month is off. The actress and Playboy model, 34, gave no explanation, releasing only a brief statement saying, "Tara Reid has confirmed that she will not be moving forward with her May 22 nuptials."

After dating for several months, Reid and Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann were engaged in January when he presented her with a ring while having dinner at a Los Angeles restaurant, prompting applause from other diners.

Wait a minute, I know what happened here. Michael finally saw Tara naked. Dammit Tara, I told you to hold out until the wedding night! Once everything's official, it's way harder to dump you.

*30 pics total in the gallery:

Tara Reid and Michael Axtmann in St. Tropez last July

Someone is actually doing it. Someone is actually marrying Tara Reid. What in the hell? From Us Weekly:

Tara Reid is getting ready to walk down the aisle! The 34 year-old actress got engaged to boyfriend Michael Axtmann on Monday, her rep confirms to UsMagazine.com. The couple began dating last year; Reid and Axtman, a web entrepreneur, are reportedly planning an intimate ceremony for summer 2010.

This is a smart move by this Michael fella. You gotta lock Tara up -- she is a hot commodity. Hollywood is knocking at her door night and day right now . . . oops, did I say "Hollywood"? I meant "bill collectors." Seriously, is this dude high?

Tara Reid's Playboy pics

Here's a few pics from Tara Reid's Playboy spread set to hit newsstands next week (props to Playboy photoshop artists for making Tara look remarkably woman-like). Did you know "Spread" was actually Tara's nickname in high school. Now to be honest, I don't know if that's true but it sounds like it should be.

NOTE: To see the uncensored Tara Reid Playboy pics, click the headline pic (or thumbnails) and then click the "Full Size" button located at the top or bottom of the image.

Tara Reid's Playboy cover

And by "all" I mean "none of us." From the New York Daily News:

Despite previous reports the actress would be posing in the buff, Reid says she appears only topless in the pictorial.

"I'm in my 30s now. I feel like I'm at the best age in my life, mentally, spiritually, physically, of how I feel," she told WPIX Channel 11 News. "I'm proud of it."

Hugh Hefner sure does have his finger on the pulse of America. All of 1997 is going to be talking about this issue. What's next? An exposé on the seedy underworld of black and white television repair? Or maybe some hilariously topical jokes about Monica Lewinsky. Did you hear her favorite game to play with Bill was Swallow the Leader. ZING!!!

Tara Reid's saggy ass

Tara Reid in St. Barts (Dec. 2007)