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Tara Reid bikini pics!

Tara Reid in Acapulco, Mexico (Aug. 2007)

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Tara Reid bikini pics!

Tara Reid in St. Tropez (July 2006)

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Top 10 Bad Hollywood Boob Jobs

by Dan the Celebman

Nothing makes shallow celebs happier than a stiff injection of saline solution. But just like with Kevin Costner's acting career, things sometimes go horribly wrong.

NOTE: Make sure you click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.

  • Thumbnail: 10. Audrina Patridge. The Hills has a lot to answer for. This MTV-produced bucket of rotting fish bait was thrust upon our small screens in 2006. Audrina has probably had breast implants, as they look perkier and significantly larger than they used to. However, we forgive her; any girl’s boobs would droop in the presence of Spencer Pratt.
  • Thumbnail: 9. Jewel. Jewel’s musical career has been declining in recent years. A boob job can usually help fix a performer’s esteem at least for the foreseeable future. Unless that boob job leaves you with some bizarre wrinkles that look like your granny’s forehead when she is frowning as you try to explain to her what bukkake is.
  • Thumbnail: 8. Jenna Jameson. Well it’s no surprise to find Jenna on this list. Jenna’s boobs were once a 32DD and currently come in at a more petite 32C. At one point, her boobs looked like they were made from Play-Doh; You could definitely see Tommy Lee’s handprint there. And a bit of his arm (what do you mean that’s not his arm... oh... Wow!).
  • Thumbnail: 7. Paula Abdul. I think it was just wrong of Simon Cowell to put Paula in a microwave. That’s what he did you know. Look at her. She looks like a prune with all the juice sucked out of her. If she got bitten by a vampire she would just explode like a piñata full of dust. Her boobs look like she uses them to weigh vegetables by hooking a balance on nipple rings. Yuck.
  • Thumbnail: 6. Vivica Fox. Vivica Fox had such a bad boob job that “Vivicas” is now a term used to describe breasts that have hardened breast implants. Really, check the Urban Dictionary. Vivica played a hardened killer in Kill Bill Vol 1. No doubt she put her newfound skills to use by pounding the butcher who shoved an old pair of sandals in her chest cavity.
  • Thumbnail: 5. Donatella Versace. The horror, the horror. She’s making my eyes bleed, please, put me out of my misery.
  • Thumbnail: 4. Pamela Anderson. The queen of the boob job. There was a point when Pammy’s breasts were so large that astronauts could seem them from outer space (or rather the dust that collected on top of them). Her boobs have been chopped up so much that her nipples are practically falling off. Pammy is so plastic that when she dies it will take 1,000 years for her body to decompose.
  • Thumbnail: 3. Victoria Beckham. It was hard not to put Victoria in first place, her boobs are not just bad, they’re actually hilarious. Apparently she had them spaced like that deliberately to remind her of home, specifically, the English Channel. At some points, the English Channel is only 21 miles wide, just a bit slimmer than Overtanned Spice’s cleavage. Seriously, are they boobs or neoplastic benign tumors growing out from her armpits from frying her skin too much?
  • Thumbnail: 2. Tori Spelling. Tori is an evil genius. Bad boob job? Of course, but have you seen her face? We’re all too busy staring at her mammary glands to actually realize that Tori looks like that guy you keep seeing down at the market who has nice legs and boobs, but you are sure he is a guy because of his huge hands and chin (and moustache). And you worry because you keep getting a bit of a chubby when you see him/her. But you also secretly like it. You want the man/woman/beast don’t you? And Tori knows that
  • Thumbnail: 1. Tara Reid. Way to go Tara, not easy to push Tori into 2nd place. Remember Tara in “American Pie”? She was cute, sexy, and incredibly hot. Fast forward 10 years and tell me if you had a choice between Tara Reid and a meat grinder, which you’d take home to introduce to your parents? Tara’s boob job is so nasty that she was once used by NASA to scare away a potential alien invasion. The extra-terrestrials took one look at those Hellish mounds and beat a hasty retreat. She is an all-American hero.

Tara Reid bikini pics!

Tara Reid in St. Bart's (Dec. 2006)

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Tara Reid bikini candids!

Tara Reid in St. Tropez (July 2007)

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Tara Reid bikini pics!

Tara Reid in Malibu (July 2007)

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Tara Reid bikini pics!

Tara Reid in St. Bart's (Jan. 2005)

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Rehab Reid in action

Rehab Reid in action

Despite her publicist playing coy, I think I finally figured out why Tara Reid checked into rehab for the holidays. Alcohol! From the Chicago Sun Times:

It sounds like incidents in the Chicago area a couple of weeks ago may have triggered Tara Reid's decision to check herself into rehab. The actress' publicist has confirmed that Reid had entered the famed Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, Calif., a facility long popular with celebrities, including Ben Affleck, Robert Downey Jr., Lindsay Lohan, and Christian Slater . . . a couple of sources indicate Reid was back to her old ways in our area about 10 days before she checked herself into Promises last Tuesday. While the actress' team says it has absolutely no knowledge of her being in Chicago or Northern Indiana recently, I've learned Reid was partying at both the Horseshoe Casino in Hammond and at the bar area of the Hard Rock Hotel downtown.

''She was clearly feeling no pain but didn't do anything outrageous,'' said the BZ spy at the Horseshoe. ''She just seemed like she was having perhaps too good a time with a bunch of friends.''

As for the Hard Rock sighting here in early December, the only ''weird thing'' reported by my source was, ''Tara was showing her little group one of those celebrity magazines -- pointing and laughing about a shot of her in a bikini on some beach. ... What made it weird was ... I think that was part of a spread about bad plastic surgery.'' (Source)

Why is Tara checking herself into a rehab facility for celebrities? Clearly she doesn't qualify. Isn't there some sort of screening process? Her last major role was in the straight-to-DVD-classic Senior Skip Day, rated R by the MPAA for "crude and sexual content, pervasive language, drug and alcohol use -- all involving teens." If that sounds familiar, it's because Tara starred in the same movie in 1999, only it was called American Pie. Hell, Tara's so far down on the D-list these days, I have to blow out all the candles in my room before I even attempt to beat off to her pictures lest I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and break down in tears . . . again. *sigh*

Tara Reid enters rehab

Tara Reid enters rehab

In "five years too late" news, Tara Reid checked into rehab over the weekend. From the Associated Press:

A publicist says Tara Reid has checked herself into rehab. Jack Ketsoyan said Friday that the "American Pie" star went to the Promises Treatment Center. He did not specify what she was being treated for or when she entered the facility.

"We appreciate your respect to her and her family's privacy at this time," he said in a statement. (Source)

Since Tara's publicist wouldn't reveal why she checked into rehab, the only right thing to do in this oh-so-private of a situation is throw out wild guesses. I bet it's crossword puzzles. Ohhhh, they can be so addictive!

Tara Reid can’t throw

Tara Reid bikini pics

Tara Reid at Byron Beach in Sydney, Australia (Jan. 2007)

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[BauerGriffinOnline]