Suri Cruise


Suri Cruise arriving at school in New York (12/5)

Suri Cruise is seven and already flipping off the paparazzi. Go ahead, cross her and see what happens. She may just be seven now, but each day, her dark heart grows stronger, filling with more rage.

*6 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Flip Off 1
  • Suri Cruise Flip Off 2
  • Suri Cruise Flip Off 3
  • Suri Cruise Flip Off 4
  • Suri Cruise Flip Off 5

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise in New York (1/2)

Suri Cruise -- all seven years of her -- has allegedly signed a multimillion dollar deal to come out with her own fashion line. Whatever. I bet nothing fits me. A source told The Sun:
"Suri is only seven but she is incredibly interested in clothes. She has been through a very difficult year and adapted amazingly to her new life in New York, including the upheaval of starting normal school. This is a nice hobby for her, it's certainly not going to take over her life. Most girls dream of being able to make their own clothes, this just means her drawings will now become a reality. It'll be interesting to see how it pans out, there's nothing around quite like it."
Holy Xenu on his rocket pony, I quit. Here I am, busting my hump for minutes a day to scratch out a living, and little Suri Cruise is already inking a multimillion dollar designer clothing deal. SEVEN-YEAR-OLD Suri, mind you. Do you want to know what I was doing when I was seven? Well, I was in therapy because apparently it's considered inappropriate for a first grader to reenact a gang rape in graphic detail using a Malibu Barbie and an entire platoon of G.I. Joes for show and tell. I wasn't doing it to get off, either, think of it as a "The More You Know"-type public service announcement. Do I get credit like Suri? Oh noooo, I get locked in a cage until I'm 18, while the devil's spawn collects a seven figure paycheck. Xenu Christ this is bullshit.

*10 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 1
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 2
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 3
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 4
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 5
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 6
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 7
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 8
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 9
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Line 10

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise arriving at the Music Box Theatre in New York (1/2)

Apparently Tom Cruise is so worried about Suri Cruise being kidnapped that he's hired a body double for her as a protective measure. Suri's basically now a mini version of Saddam Hussein, you know, except she doesn't use rape as a tool of intimidation. OR DOES SHE? Actually, no. From the New York Daily News:
The News spotted Suri's alleged double as recently as Friday afternoon, after her mom, actress Katie Holmes, picked her up from her Manhattan school and they returned to their Chelsea home. The identity of Suri's alleged double wasn't immediately known and it's not clear if her duties extend to being TomKat's daughter's playmate. But the little imposter is apparently friendly with Holmes, who was photographed talking to her a month earlier.

"Tom wants the names of all the parents of the kids Suri plays with," said a source close to Holmes. "He has to approve them before Suri can go to their houses or apartments alone. He has them investigated and he keeps a file on everyone. He is very cautious when it comes to her."

For reasons unclear, Cruise has stepped up security around Suri in recent months and has met with risk assessment teams and kidnapping specialists, sources said.
Wow, this is pretty fucked up. Does the mother of the young decoy know that her daughter is there in case a sniper gets lazy? I bet she understands now why Tom and Katie gave Suri's little playmate so many shirts and hats with bulls-eyes on them. There hasn't been a mother so willing to destroy her children for the sake of money ever since Kris Jenner woke up this morning. "Psssst, Kim Kardashian authentic report card from the second grade . . .  a thousand bucks and it's yours."

*15 Katie Holmes pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Body Double 1
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 2
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 3
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 4
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 5
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 6
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 7
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 8
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 9
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 10
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 11
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 12
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 13
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 14
  • Suri Cruise Body Double 15

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise in New York (11/12)

Separated parents trying to buy a child's love. There's nothing more special around the holidays. From The Sun:
Her mum Katie Holmes has spent more than $48,000 on presents for the youngster, who this year watched Katie and her dad Tom Cruise go through a messy break-up. Suri's biggest present is a Victorian playhouse costing almost $24,000. The small building, which will be set up in the family garden, includes running water and electricity. It's a step up from a homemade treehouse, but probably not as fun. Suri's pressie haul also includes an iPad mini, a $9,600 kids' version of a Mercedes, a Ralph Lauren dress and a Chloe fur coat.
Suffering shitballs on a saltine cracker, can I get on Katie's secret Santa list next year if the Scientology goons don't rub her out? That money sure goes a long way when it's Lord Tom Cruise who earns it, doesn't it? Hell, forget about Suri, you can buy my love for a lot less than $48k. $35k and a handjob every now and again is more than enough to get an "I love you, mommy" out of me this Christmas.

*10 Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 1
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 2
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 3
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 4
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 5
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 6
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 7
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 8
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 9
  • Suri Cruise Christmas Gifts 10

Tom Cruise and Suri Cruise in Manhattan (7/18)

In his bid to win the affection of his daughter Suri, Tom Cruise is creating a little monster. A little monster WHO MUST BE DESTROYED! Well, maybe not. But she is going to be a high maintenance little bitch when she gets older. From the Chicago Sun Times:
From the helicopter trip to pal Steven Spielberg's Hamptons estate for a swimming party, to that private jet down to Disney World for Suri's personal costume soiree as the Little Mermaid, to all the toys and fancy clothes he's gifted her with the past few weeks, Camp Holmes is worried about the impact it's having on the 6-year-old.

"This is not good," said a friend of Holmes from Ohio, where her parents still live. "As if Suri wasn't already spoiled enough, this is only making it worse. ... Now she's demanding only travel on private planes, for God's sake. She's just 6. Can you imagine what she'll be like by the time she's a teenager, if this keeps up? Plus Tom never disciplines her one little bit. Katie is the one who has to do that, and it's not good for that to be so totally one-sided."
Jealous? You should be. Katie Holmes and the rest of you need to understand that the elite like Suri and myself have a certain lifestyle that most can't comprehend. We one-percenters are operating on a totally different Thetan level than the rest of you -- deal with it. Look guys, certain perks have been made available to us by Big Bad Xenu: we don't sit in traffic with the riffraff; we don't pay taxes; and we certainly don't share the sky with ham-and-eggers like you people. Now fetch me my slippers made of the finest Egyptian cotton.

*15 Tom Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 1
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 2
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 3
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 4
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 5
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 6
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 7
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 8
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 9
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 10
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 11
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 12
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 13
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 14
  • Suri Cruise Spoiled 15

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise leaving Chelsea Piers in New York (3/23)

I remember when my parents stopped me from signing a multimillion-dollar fashion contract when I was five. Gosh they were such jerks! From the Chicago Sun Times:
Even though Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's little fashionista daughter has been offered a ton of fashion endorsements — deals a source in the know calls "scary big" financially — Suri Cruise's parents have either turned down or are completely ignoring the offers, at least for now.
Good Xenu, this kid is living the good life, isn't she? The world of high fashion is already fighting over who gets to give her the biggest pile of money to play with, and it's starting to annoy me -- so please allow me to pinch a loaf on her parade. Since little Suri will live her entire life in the lap of luxury, she'll never have to be resourceful or clever. For example, Suri will never know the pride you feel when you successfully wipe your ass with only two sheets of paper and the dispenser, or the satisfaction of pushing a nail through a neighbor's gas tank because they stole your parking spot. And this is something Suri will never hear, even though it made me the man I am today: "If you can't pay your rent this month, you can start working it off by giving me a backrub." Believe you me, my rent is almost never late anymore. And I haven't had a nightmare in months. Wait, what were we talking about again?

*25 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 1
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 2
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 3
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 4
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 5
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 6
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 7
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 8
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 9
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  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 15
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 16
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 17
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 18
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 19
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 20
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 21
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 22
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 23
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 24
  • Suri Cruise Fashion Contract 25

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, and Suri Cruise heading to dinner at Buddakan restaurant in New York (12/18)

Is it "wrong" and "inappropriate" to want to punch a 5-year-old little girl? If you think it is, you may reevaluate your position once you read this story about Suri Cruise's recent trip to the ice skating rink at Rockefeller Center:
[Tom] Cruise shelled out $5,000 to rent out the rink's "Igloo," a VIP-like area where paying customers can bypass the lines and warm up after taking a spin on the ice.

"Tom rented it for an entire session so no one else could use it," the source said.

The admission price for the hour-and-a-half session runs $75 a person. However the Cruise-Holmes clan isn’t your average customer. In fact, the source tells us Suri’s famous parents snubbed the venue’s refreshments and opted to cater their own family day with gourmet treats. TomKat had hot chocolate from Serendipity 3 and sweets from Jacques Torres brought in "especially for Suri," said the insider.
Awe, this must have been a Hallmark moment if ever there was one. In my humble opinion, it's a story straight out of Martha Stewart Living or Blueboy Magazine (depending on your point of view). What's sweeter than Tom Cruise and family big-timing it over the mouth-breathers trying to enjoy a holiday moment? Not inviting Connor or Isabella, for one. What? Who are they, you ask? Those are Tom and Nicole Kidman's rent-a-family. Now that Tom has a real kid and Nicole got some seed to stick, they don't need the accessories anymore. It's a shame when you think about it. I'm sure Connor and Isabella can use a little extra scratch this time of year -- Xenu knows (yeah, I went there) that Suri could use another bellhop or dressing assistant.

*19 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Christmas 1
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 2
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 3
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 4
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 5
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 6
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 7
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 8
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 9
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 10
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 11
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 12
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 13
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 14
  • Suri Cruise Christmas 15

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, August 16

Suri Cruise out and about in New York (pics start here)

Sarah Michelle Gellar filming Ringer in Malibu (pics start here)

Miss Australia Jesinta Campbell at the Australian premiere of Horrible Bosses in Sydney (pics start here)

Michael Jordan and his girlfriend Yvette Prieto out and about in Porto Cervo, Italy (pics start here)

Cheryl Burke (Dancing with the Stars) doing an interview for Extra at The Grove in Hollywood (pics start here)

Rebecca Gayheart leaving a restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Ashley Tisdale heading to a gym in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Robert Redford arriving on a flight at Vancouver International Airport (pics start here)

Vera Farmiga at the premiere of Higher Ground in New York (pics start here)

Keanu Reeves arriving on a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Jack Osbourne out and about in Hollywood (pics start here)

America Ferrera and her husband Ryan Piers Williams leaving the Greek Theater in L.A. (pics start here)

Emma Roberts and Chord Overstreet at Disneyland in Anaheim (pics start here)

*116 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Outfit 1
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 2
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 3
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 4
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 5
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 6
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 7
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 8
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 9
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  • Suri Cruise Outfit 33
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 34
  • Suri Cruise Outfit 35

Suri Cruise leaving Science World in Vancouver, Canada (2/9)

Suri Cruise has accomplished more in 5 years than I have in 30. Kill self? From the New York Daily News:
A younger woman has edged out style mavens Sarah Jessica Parker, Cate Blanchett, Lady Gaga and Nicole Richie, according to Glamour magazine's UK readers.

It's Suri Cruise. She's 5 years-old.

The daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, came in at No. 21 of Glamour UK's Best Dressed Women of 2011. She may not be quite old enough to dress herself but still, she has been spotted sporting a $850 Salvatore Ferragamo purse, Ray Ban sunglasses, Marc Jacobs shoes and a Burberry coat.
If Suri's parents are so concerned with what clothes she's wearing, instead of having a baby, they should have just done what Tom wanted to do in the first place: bought a doll. That way, they could have spent the same amount of money dressing it up in Marc Jacobs shoes and Burberry coats, but Tom wouldn't have had to waste his time jerking off into a turkey baster.

*10 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 1
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 2
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 3
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 4
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 5
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 6
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 7
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 8
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 9
  • Suri Cruise Best Dressed List 10

Suri Cruise in Vancouver (2/3)

+ This week in Showtime boobs [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Zac Efron is banging some hot ass [IDLYITW]
+ Emma Stone was sort of a nerd in high school [Celebuzz]
+ Anja Rubik is topless (NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Miley Cyrus is getting Amy Winehouse's sloppy seconds [Just Jared]

+ The most manly Justin Bieber has ever looked [Dlisted]
+ Another celeb gets naked for PETA [PopEater]
+ Audrina Patridge needs to eat a cheeseburger [Derek Hail]
+ Hah, what a pussy! [Evil Beet]

LIST OF THE DAY: 8 Terrifying McDonald's Commercials You Forgot About

*22 Suri Cruise pictures total in the gallery:

  • Suri Cruise Adorable 1
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 2
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 3
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 4
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 5
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 6
  • Suri Cruise Adorable 1
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  • Suri Cruise Adorable 3
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  • Suri Cruise Adorable 1
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  • Suri Cruise Adorable 6

Would You Rather?

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