Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal out and about in Paris (10/21)

For some strange reason, Steven Seagal was in Paris last weekend. I say strange because there's no Taco Bells in Paris. How did he survive without his fourthmeal?

*5 Steven Seagal pictures total in the gallery:

You might want to get that thing on your lip checked out

Steven Seagal's former "executive assistant" filed a lawsuit against him yesterday, alleging sexual harassment in violation of federal labor laws; illegal sex trafficking; retaliation; wrongful termination; and false representations about employment. False representation? What a monster! From MSNBC:

A 23-year-old former model claims she interviewed with Seagal last February for the position of executive assistant.  Kayden Nguyen says she got the job, but when she showed up for work, she learned, "Mr. Seagal had been keeping two young female Russian 'Attendants' on staff who were available for his sexual needs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

Nguyen alleges in her suit, one of the 'Attendants' had recently quit and it was this job -- not executive assistant -- Seagal intended her to fill.

Nguyen claims the very first night on the job, Seagal treated her "as his sex toy."  Nguyen says in the lawsuit Seagal, pushed his hands under her skirt, tried fondling her breasts and forced his hand down her pants.

Nguyen says she complained the next morning -- unclear to whom -- but nothing was done.

Nguyen says the next day Seagal did it again, sexually assaulting her and forcing her to consume illegal pills.  And she says there were other sexual assaults that followed.

According to the suit, Seagal said, "My wife wouldn't mind if you and I had a sexual relationship."

Nguyen is suing for more than a million bucks.

I'm calling bullshit on this story. Steven Seagal can afford an executive assistant? Yeah right. What year is this, 1992? Kayden might as well have claimed that after he harassed her, Steven flew away on his spaceship made of diamonds and rare paintings.

*10 pics total in the gallery:

Steven Seagal leaving Mr Chow restaurant in Beverly Hills (2/12)

I don't know how this didn't come out sooner but Steven Seagal -- oh wait, that's why, this isn't 1992 -- has been working as deputy in the Jefferson Parish sheriff's office in Louisiana for the past 20 years. And you guessed it, here comes the reality show. From the San Francisco Chronicle:

You can be excused for thinking that "Steven Seagal: Lawman" is another in the action movie star's canon of B-movies. You know, the kind of film where breaking bones with martial arts and aiming to kill (and succeeding) are part of the script.

But for most people, finding out that Seagal has been a real-life deputy for nearly 20 years in the Jefferson Parish sheriff's office in Louisiana might come as a mind-rattling shock. The beefy tough guy is not just a martial arts expert who has helped train officers while being a member of their force, he's also an expert marksman who has worked with the parish's SWAT team.

So, why now? Here's what Seagal said in the A&E press notes: "I've been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people's radar. I've decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana - to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in this post-Katrina environment."

Can you imagine Steven Seagal breaking down your front door and arresting you? You wouldn't know whether to go quietly or double over laughing. The only thing more pathetic than a washed-up actor trying to play policeman is a washed-up basketball player doing the same (CLICK HERE to read more about Shaq!). I will give Steven credit -- he did come up with a foolproof way to get suspects to confess: he forces them to watch Exit Wounds.