Recently in Steve Irwin Category

Turns out that Steve Irwin's "Ocean's Deadliest" will air after all. Reaching up from the grave like Tupac releasing his fifth postmortem album, the movie chronicles everything up to Irwin's death.

Footage in the one-off special was recorded in the weeks and days leading up to Irwin's death, though nothing shot the day of his fatal accident will be included in the documentary.

The fatal accident won't be in the documentary? That's like seeing 95% of a breast, and no nipple -- unsatisfying. You know that everyone would have DVR'd the documentary and fast forwarded all the way to the death scene anyway. It kind of reminds me of that 1,200 page document released on the Clinton impeachment, where no one read shit except the juicy "cigarsex" bits. Props to Irwin's friend and manager John Stainton for respecting Irwin's deeds. Too bad Bindi, his daughter, is about to be pimped out to American media like a virgin Jon Benet.

Just months after his untimely death, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin is being immortalized--in the form of an action figure. The talking Steve Irwin figure, produced by Wild Republic Toys, will make its debut at February's International Toy Fair in New York City:

Retail price of the toy, which will spout some of Irwin's trademark phrases, will be $22. Wild Republic's Toy Fair booth will also feature appearances by Kate and Brian Coulter, members of Irwin's Wildlife Warriors Worldwide charity. His daughter, Bindi Irwin, 8, said in a statement: "We all know that Daddy had an important job. He was working to change the world so everyone would love wildlife like he did. Now it's our turn to help him."

I hope I'm eventually famous enough to have an action figure created in my likeness (but not so famous that rage-filled stingrays try to murder me). The closest thing I have now is this macaroni portrait my 7-year-old sister gave me for Christmas. Dammit, I told that bitch I wanted an iPod! Another Christmas ruined by crap I don't need.

*rips macaroni picture in half as sister cries in the corner*

Steve Irwin's friend, animal expert Craig Franklin, is convinced the Crocodile Hunter died on a high after spending the last month of his life "making secret scientific breakthroughs about the life of his beloved crocodiles." Irwin joined Franklin in trapping and releasing saltwater crocodiles at the Lakefield National Park just before his death:

"He was truly in his element. He was in the Australian bush. He was surrounded by his wife and two children and he was helping make world-first discoveries about the animal he loved the most." Franklin reveals that at the end final four-week adventure in August Irwin told him, "This has been the best month of my life."

What kind of secret scientific breakthroughs can you make about crocodiles--or as I call them "nature's sexiest killing machine." Their life consists of laying around all day and occasionally killing delicious villagers that attempt to refill their water gourd in the river. Really not unlike a hungry Ruben Studdard on safari.

Note: In the spirit of Halloween, instead of posting an actual picture of Irwin, I'm posting this pic of Bill Maher as Irwin. If you don't find this the least bit funny (pretty much the entire Internet is feigning shock and outrage), you officially have no soul.

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin's legacy is living on through his 8-year-old daughter, Bindi, who is currently shooting Bindi, The Jungle Girl, a 26-part wildlife documentary for the Discovery Kids network that is set to debut in January 2007:

"I'm trying to get across the message that don't be afraid of animals, they're just put on this earth to help the environment and everything like that," Bindi tells ABC's Australian Story in her first formal interview since her father's death in September.

And Bindi will not be the only star of the show: Her late father will appear with her in scenes filmed before his death. "We'll never refer to the fact that Steve is no longer with us," says John Stainton, who was Steve's manager. "The way that it works is that Steve plays co-star to Bindi. It's just the little reactions that she gives to her Dad who's, you know, doing sort of silly stuff."

"Bindi the Jungle Girl is really lucky because she lives in a tree-house and she gets lots of animals in and out," Bindi tells Australian Story of her character. "She hangs out with lots of wildlife. She just loves kissing a koala or hugging a snake."

Very interesting. Steve Irwin "accidentally" gets murdered by a stingray and his "so-called" daughter "suddenly" becomes a huge TV star. How very "convenient." And why am I using so many damn quotes when it's clearly annoying the hell out of you? Because quotes indicate mystery and intrigue, that's why. You'd know this if you were as well-versed in 20th century American literature like myself. And yes, legacy is living on through his 8-year-old daughter, Bindi, who is currently shooting Bindi, The Jungle Girl, a 26-part wildlife documentary for the Discovery Kids network that is set to debut in January 2007:

"I'm trying to get across the message that don't be afraid of animals, they're just put on this earth to help the environment and everything like that," Bindi tells ABC's Australian Story in her first formal interview since her father's death in September.

And Bindi will not be the only star of the show: Her late father will appear with her in scenes filmed before his death. "We'll never refer to the fact that Steve is no longer with us," says John Stainton, who was Steve's manager. "The way that it works is that Steve plays co-star to Bindi. It's just the little reactions that she gives to her Dad who's, you know, doing sort of silly stuff."

"Bindi the Jungle Girl is really lucky because she lives in a tree-house and she gets lots of animals in and out," Bindi tells Australian Story of her character. "She hangs out with lots of wildlife. She just loves kissing a koala or hugging a snake."

Very interesting. Steve Irwin "accidentally" gets murdered by a stingray and his "so-called" daughter "suddenly" becomes a huge TV star. How very "convenient." And why am I using so many damn quotes when it's clearly annoying the hell out of you? Because quotes indicate mystery and intrigue, that's why. You'd know this if you were as well-versed in 20th century American literature like myself. And yes, The Hardy Boys is considered literature Mr. Acts Better Than Everyone.

PETA predictably shows no sympathy about the tragic death of Steve Irwin:

Some animal lovers aren't shedding any crocodile tears for Steve Irwin. The Aussie naturalist, known as the Crocodile Hunter, was killed last week by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. But the folks at PETA are neither surprised nor upset by his passing.

"It comes as no shock at all that Steve Irwin should die provoking a dangerous animal," PETA's Dan Mathews tells The Scoop. "He made a career out of antagonizing frightened wild animals, which is a very dangerous message to send to kids." Does Irwin's career as a naturalist impress the animal-rights group? Says Mathews: "If you compare him with a responsible conservationist like Jacques Cousteau, he looks like a cheap reality TV star."

Well now I know why PETA wouldn't grant me an interview when I applied last year (they had an opening for "guy who throws paint on rich peoples' fur coats"). On the application under "career goals" I listed "to antagonize frightened wild animals and send dangerous messages to children" and under "previous experience" I listed "cheap reality star." Oh well. My ninja-like paint throwing skills would certainly have sent me soaring up the ranks of the PETA administration.

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin let it be known that, should his death come before the camera, he wanted the world to see it:

Irwin was filming for a new documentary when he lost his life, and his cameraman shot the moment when the stingray's barbed tail stabbed the legendary conservationist through the heart. The tapes are currently being held by Queensland police - but Irwin's family are determined to respect his last wishes and allow the harrowing footage to be broadcast.

Irwin once insisted, "My number one rule is to keep that camera rolling. Even if it's shaky or slightly out of focus, I don't give a rip. "Even if a big old alligator is chewing me up I want to go down and go, 'Crikey!' just before I die. That would be the ultimate for me." An insider tells British newspaper the Daily Star, "This is exactly what Steve would have wanted. He knew the dangers and was totally up for the cameras to get everything."

Benjamin Franklin used to be my favorite Australian. But then I saw Crocodile Dundee and Paul Hogan knocked Ben off the list (inventing electricity is cool and all but Paul Hogan just has a certain cachet to him). After reading about Irwin's cavalier attitude toward his own death, he's now my favorite Austrian. Right behind Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ignaz Semmelweis. RIP Steve.

Stingray? WTF?