Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb at LAX airport (10/12)

Sofia Vergara's fiancee? Turns out he's just a little bit crazy. He's taking over her life in much the same way her breasts have taken over my imagination. Seriously, it's getting bad. I think I may need therapy. From the National Enquirer:

Sofia Vergara's fiancee Nick Loeb, wants more than her hand in marriage - he wants to control every facet of her life! That's what insiders are saying after the 37-year-old entrepreneur recently went behind the "Modern Family" star's back and fired members of her support staff. They add that Nick's also been pressuring Sofia to make questionable investments as well as alienating her from close friends.

"He fired Sofia's beloved maid a few weeks ago," a source told The ENQUIRER. "He warned Sofia's handlers that her manager is on the chopping block too, because Nick wants to push her more into movies and away from TV. She has no idea the extent to which Nick is trying to take control of her career and finances. He's treating Sofia more like a bank cash machine than a bride-to-be. And Sofia is such a loving, trusting woman that she would never suspect that Nick is using her for her fortune. What's worse is that Sofia's management team members are so afraid of Nick axing them that they aren't speaking up and warning her." (Print Edition - 11/19)

This Nick Loeb person sure has his claws dug deep into Sofia's rockin' ass, doesn't he? Nick's taken over her business and private affairs like a boss, which is odd because he's pretty much a nobody. Nicely done, sir. You've earned your Manwhore PHD via pimping out one of the greatest pieces of ass since I started taking stats.

*10 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, November 3 and Sunday, November 4

Sofia Vergara filming Modern Family in L.A. (pics start here)

Eva Mendes at a screening of Holly Motors at Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood (pics start here)

Zooey Deschanel at a photoshoot at Sunset Hollywood Ranch (pics start here)

Simon Cowell and his ex-girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy at Lancer Dermatology in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Katie Price leaving Mayfair Bar in London (pics start here)

Harrison Ford leaving his son's football game in Brentwood (pics start here)

Kim Kardashian leaving a gun range in Miami (pics start here)

Nicole Scherzinger leaving Nobu in London (pics start here)

Reese Witherspoon shopping at Westfield Century City Mall in L.A. (pics start here)

Kristen Stewart at an AFI Fest gala screening of On The Road in L.A. (pics start here)

Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott leaving a Ducati repair shop in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Ryan Phillippe and his girlfriend Paulina Slagter at his son's soccer match in L.A. (pics start here)

*112 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara at the 64th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at the Nokia Theatre L.A. Live (9/23)

Look, I love Sofia Vergara talking about her rack all the time (see here, here, and here), except when she says stupid shit like she wishes she had Gisele's prepubescent tits. She told the October issue of Lucky Magazine:

"I know [my breasts] have opened doors for me; let's be real. But I so hate when I see Gisele and she is wearing a tiny little tank top with no bra, like, 'Oh, I just threw this on. I look so cute.' If I wore that, I would look like I was pregnant or a fat stripper."

Oh, Sofia. You own a set of the most perfect 32F breasts in the world -- please don't slap God in the face by lying about not wanting them. Do you think that Gisele looks at her mediocre tits and says, "I'm sure happy that I don't have enormous, delicious knockers like Sofia Vergara"? No, she doesn't. Gisele might as well be a 12-year-old boy compared to you (as I'm sure Tom Brady would tell you if you gave him a minute). Trust me when I tell you that if you looked like a fat stripper, the "fat stripper look" would be next summer's hot fashion trend. Trust me, I've stared at your tits for so long that I'm starting to see the future.

*20 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara at Kmart in New York (9/27)

Sofia Vergara appeared at Kmart last week in New York to promote her new clothing line that launches this fall. And what specifically was she promoting? From the looks of it, underwear. Fucking genius. I rarely wear women's underwear and I'm gonna go buy like 10 pairs.

*17 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara at the Hotel Cala di Volpe in Porto Cervo, Sardinia in 2010

Thanks to Sofia Vergara's appearance on Katie earlier this week, we now know that her boobs are 32F. SWEET BABY JESUS. Via the New York Post:

Sofia Vergara isn't going to change her sexy look any time soon. During an appearance on "Katie," the bombshell revealed why she ignored her publicist's suggestion to reduce her bust size in order to land more roles.

You mean "gay publicist"

"I'm very proud of my body and the way I look. I would be ungrateful to be saying, 'Oh, I'm so mad because people just look at me and see my pretty face. I thank God for what he has given me and I take advantage of it."

Vergara's mom persuaded her to leave her natural looks alone, telling her that many women are envious of a 32F chest.

"(My mom said), 'God is going to punish you, you can't chop your boobs out. It's crazy. All the women are risking their life to get boobs.' So I didn't do it."

Sofia Vergara's rack is the reason why we'll have peace on Earth one day. Allow me to explain. For the last decade-and-a-half, millions of men (as well as thousands of female gym teachers and basketball players) from all over the new world learned some Spanish or were at least able to find the local Univision channel in an effort to stare at Sofia's awesome set. If North, Central, and South America can agree to end all squabbles by eye-balling Sofia for a few minutes a day, imagine what we could accomplish in the Middle East with that strategy? Now THAT would be change I could believe in.

*20 Sofia Vergara bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara's Emmys wardrobe malfunction

Sofia Vergara had a little wardrobe malfunction at the Emmys last night when her dress ripped, exposing her ass to anyone who happened to be looking at it at the time. So every guy within two miles, gay and straight. Her ass is so nice it crosses sexual orientation boundaries.

*30 Sofia Vergara Emmys pics total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara on the set of Modern Family in L.A. (9/5)

Nothing to see here, folks, but Sofia Vergara getting her daily dose of potassium. All in one bite. Aw yeah, baby. Take that potassium, bitch. Take it all.

*15 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Wednesday, August 29

Sofia Vergara leaving Good Afternoon America studios in New York (pics start here)

Anthony Edwards and Jacinda Barrett on the set of Zero Hour in New York (pics start here)

Paris Hilton arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Brooklyn Decker watching her husband Andy Roddick at the US Open in Flushing, New York (pics start here)

Emma Roberts stopping by the Ole Henriksen Day Spa in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jessica Simpson leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Anne Hathaway and Adam Shulman on their way to Real Food Daily in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Rumer Willis out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Leslie Bibb leaving an antique shop in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Kat Von D arriving back at her tattoo parlor in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Cameron Diaz shopping in New York (pics start here)

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Camila Alves out and about in New York (pics start here)

*111 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, August 18 and Sunday, August 19

Sofia Vergara leaving Bagatelle restaurant in L.A. (pics start here)

Brad Pitt on the set of The Counselor in London (pics start here)

Emmanuelle Chriqui leaving a coffee shop in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Ashley Tisdale leaving a restaurant in Studio City (pics start here)

Coco at a photoshoot in New York (pics start here)

Halle Berry and her fiance Olivier Martinez shopping in Studio City (pics start here)

Olivia Wilde leaving her home in L.A. (pics start here)

Jessica Alba out and about in Santa Monica (pics start here)

Mischa Barton outside RTE studios in Dublin (pics start here)

Nicollette Sheridan walking her dog in Malibu (pics start here)

Jaime Pressly at the premiere of The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood (pics start here)

Lisa Rinna leaving Beverly Glen Deli in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Rachel Bilson out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane at the Beverly Hills farmer's market (pics start here)

*117 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara leaving a dermatologist in Beverly Hills (8/16)

*15 Sofia Vergara pictures total in the gallery: