Simon Cowell leaving Cipriani restaurant in London (10/2007)
Simon Cowell paid off a woman's $162,000 mortgage yesterday during his appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show. OK! magazine says:
The British judge, whose known for his bitter tongue, decided to take part in Oprah's Big Give program in a big way -- by paying off the mortgage of a couple who are struggling with their daughter's debilitating cancer. Amy and Randy must travel more than 100 miles from their home each day so that their daughter Madeline can receive treatments. In order to lessen the burden on the family, Simon decided to pay off the family's $162,000 mortgage.
"I never knew that doing good could feel so good," said Simon. (Source)
You know what else feels good when you do it? Wearing a t-shirt that fits! You can't imagine how much more comfortable it is when blood is allowed to flow freely to your arms. Now if Simon really wants to take this charity thing to the next level, he can start by giving Paula away. I'm sure she'd fetch a couple bucks in sleazy places like Tijuana or Congress.
I know this has nothing to do with Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy but I thought I should still post these pics of Simon Cowell and his girlfriend in Barbados. Speaking of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy, Simon had this to say:
". . ."
Shit, someone really needs to ask him about that. C'mon Access Hollywood, get off your fat ass.
Like me, you probably missed Paula Abdul's Monday appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman (sexily posted above). Fear not faithful readers, you didn't miss much--except when Paula made fun of nemesis Simon Cowell's penis:
Letterman asked Abdul, "You honestly hate Simon, don't you? He's smug and he's arrogant. And he thinks you want to have sexual activities with him,"
Abdul responded, "You are right about that. But that will never happen - because his nickname is 'Small Ben.'" (Source)
y nickname used to be 'Small Ben' ... when I was seven! But then puberty took over and I've been splittin' pelvises ever since. Incidentally, that last sentence was taken word for word off one of my campaign flyers from back in '98 when I ran for mayor of Sexyville. Population: me.
Simon Cowell has slippery fingers. While “chatting animatedly” with friends at Sushi Roku Restaurant in Santa Monica, a chop stick went flying out of the American Idol judge’s hand onto a nearby table. According to Mike Walker of the National Enquirer:
A stunned quartet of diners quickly smiley-faced when they recognized the "American Idol" judge, who leaped up chop-chop and said: "Sorry about your sushi!" Waving away Simon's apologies, the fans settled for a promise of "Idol" tickets - and kept his Flying Chopstick as a souvenir. (Source)
Have to admit that Simon got off easy on this one. One time a guy did this to me and instead of smiling politely, I totally yelled at him ... though I guess he wasn't technically throwing a chop stick at me so much as he was trying to steal my Jell-O. And to be completely honest, I might have stuck a shank into his neck instead of just yell at him. And there may have been a few pointed remarks about his sister, mother, and grandmother ... OK, OK, and maybe a kick to the groin or three. Hey, no one ever claimed prison justice was clean.
American Idol judge Simon Cowell received a taste of his own medicine recently. While attempting to parallel park his black Jaguar into a particularly tight space, the acerbic Brit was figuratively torn apart by a group of "high school guys." From Mike Walker of the National Enquirer:
"Hey, Simon, what on earth were you thinking?...Who told you that you could drive?...It's painful to watch you do this!...You've got to be the worst driver I've ever seen!" Simon seemed highly amused, actually - but finally took off after one snarky kid hollered: "Sorry, Simon...it's a NO for me!" (Source)
Here we go again, I mean how many times do I have to say it? DON'T FUCK WITH SIMON COWELL. There's a good chance death and/or disfigurement will occur if you taunt this dude. I'd rather dip myself in honey and use a bee hive as a speed bag. Or tape ice cream sandwiches to my body and go running through Rosie O'Donnell's house.
