Simon Cowell

Carmen Electra at the Conair Style360 Launch Party at the Sanctuary Hotel in New York (2/11)

After humping for the last few months, Simon Cowell and Carmen Electra have moved on from each other -- Simon to his fabulous mansion in Beverly Hills, and Carmen, presumably, to her one bedroom apartment in North Hollywood. From the Mirror:

Simon Cowell is looking for love with a British woman -- after splitting with Hollywood beauty Carmen Electra. He dated Baywatch star Carmen, 40, after meeting her when she was a judge on last year's Britain's Got Talent. Now he says they are just good friends - like all the girls who have been romanced by one of Britain's most eligible bachelors.

Simon said: "I'm now a single man. We spent time together and she is so much fun. But I'd like to find a girlfriend. I do particularly like British women but I haven't got my eye on anyone."

Well of course Simon is finished with Carmen Electra. What was he supposed to do, marry her? Please. Carmen was married to Dennis Rodman and Dave Navarro -- her spot on the professional beard hall of fame has been cemented. Getting hitched to another "eligible bachelor" is akin to beating a dead horse. Simon might as well move on to another easy win, and Carmen can rent her services to some other dude with a secret to protect. Bieber, the spotlight is shining right on you, buddy.

*20 Carmen Electra pictures total in the gallery:

Mezhgan Hussainy in St. Barts (1/5)

Simon Cowell has been spotted living it up on a yacht off the coast of St. Barts for the past weeks -- a yacht that's setting him back $430k/week, according to the Daily Mail. I couldn't think of a better way to relax with all your ex-girlfriends. Wait, what?

The music mogul has been spotted languishing on the deck of the 196ft Slipstream yacht, which sleeps 12 and is moored just 200 yards off shore, while he suns himself with his nearest and dearest. While his beloved mother Julie, 85, is being put up by The X Factor USA star in a [$3200]-a-night hotel suite nearby, Simon prefers to spend most of his time on board with ex-girlfriends including Sinitta and Mezhgan Hussainy.

Cowell is thought to hire the same yacht every year for him and his friends, and employs 14 staff to run it while they are there. The star has allegedly spent upwards of [$1.2 million] on keeping both his mother and his on-off girlfriend Mezhgan happy in the Caribbean. According to reports, Simon also paid to fly everyone out to the island paradise, picking up the [$35,000] bill for business class flights to bring everyone together.

Look, there's no need to run the numbers on Simon's vacation -- we all know that he already wipes his ass with Apple stock. I'm just fascinated to see how his exes can't get enough of Daddy Warbucks. You don't understand how big a pimp Simon is, do you? OK, when was the last time all your ex-girlfriends not only tagged along on your vacation in paradise, but went down on each other, hoping to impress you? Come on people, let's not pretend that Simon isn't a freak like that. He's worth half-a-billion dollars -- all the women in his life are more than happy to insert wine bottles into their tacos, including his mom, Britney Spears, and the wardrobe lady who has to coordinate his overly tight t-shirts with the best bras for his B-cup titties.

*30 Mezhgan Hussainy pictures total in the gallery:

Mezhgan Hussainy and Simon Cowell in St. Barts (1/3)

Simon Cowell was engaged to Afghan make-up artist Mezhgan Hussainy back in 2010, but then broke it off after getting cold feet, but there's the two of them in St. Barts yesterday. How great for Mezhgan -- other than the whole no committment thing and Simon being able to have sex with other women at his leisure, it's the kind of relationship every girl dreams of.

NOTE: Click here for more bikini pics from the New Year

*30 Mezhgan Hussainy bikini pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Saturday, December 8 and Sunday, December 9

Simon Cowell and a mystery woman leaving Cecconi restaruant in Hollywood (pics start here)

French actress Zoe Felix at the closing ceremony of the 12th Annual Marrakech International Film Festival in Morocco (pics start here)

Ashley Tisdale arriving at a gym in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Eva Longoria returning to her hotel in London (pics start here)

Demi Lovato arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Minka Kelly leaving Vince Camuto in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Emily VanCamp shopping in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Jessica Alba out for breakfast in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Michelle Rodriguez leaving Fred Segal in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Shenae Grimes and her fiance Josh Beech out for a walk on the Santa Monica Pier (pics start here)

David Spade shopping in Malibu (pics start here)

Jessica Stroup on the set of 90210 in Venice Beach (pics start here)

*116 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Britney Spears on her way to Gelson's in L.A. (10/19)

So apparently Britney Spears has a crush on her X Factor co-star Simon Cowell. Uh oh. Simon better invest in a good deadbolt. And never take the same route home twice. Bitch is crazy. From Star:

There's a new father-figure flame in Britney's life these days: Her X Factor boss, Simon Cowell! "Simon has helped her through a lot of issues lately," an insider reveals. "She feels like he's really on her side and she can tell him anything. It's done wonders for her self-confidence."

And Simon, 53, who broke up with fiancee Mezhgan Hussainy earlier this year, seems to be fanning the flames. "Whenever he congratulates her for doing something well, she giggles like a 12-year-old," add the insider. "She's totally hooked on his approval." (Print Edition - 11/12)

Yeah, Britney sees Simon as a father-figure, alright. Britney might refer to Simon as "daddy," but she probably has two fingers buried in her Federline factory while she does it. Simon is a player -- he knows he can probably shoot the goo into this silly broad any time he feels like it, but the fun is making her beg for it on national TV. Now with Britney being Britney, it wouldn't surprise me if she got on the desk in the middle of some poor slobs X-Factor audition and flashed her taco at Simon and the camera.

NOTE TO SELF: Set TiVo to record X-Factor.

*15 Britney Spears pictures total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell and Carmen Electra leaving Cecconi's in West Hollywood (9/22)

I guess Simon Cowell and Carmen Electra want us to think they're dating or something, because they left Cecconi's in West Hollywood together on Saturday night. The two are friends from when they hosted Britain's Got Talent earlier this year, but maybe there's something to this. This is a match made in heaven. Simon has a ton of money, and Carmen will have sex with you if you have a ton of money. It's like a real life version of The Notebook.

*10 Simon Cowell and Carmen Electra pics total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell vacationing in the South of France (8/8)

Simon Cowell had a secret breakdown over the summer and pretty much shut down for three weeks. For those of you keeping score at home, the upcoming season of The X Factor officially features zero sane people (Cowell, Britney Spears, and Demi Lovato). In other words, it's gonna be awesome. From The Sun:

Simon Cowell suffered a devastating collapse this summer as the strains of his professional and personal life became too much. Author Tom Bower reveals the breakdown in an update to his best-selling book on the star. Respected author Bower, 65 -- who has written books on Bernie Ecclestone, Richard Branson and Mohamed Fayed -- spent months in Cowell's company and a year researching his life. He says Simon had experienced a "crisis" -- caused by "nervous exhaustion".

"Suddenly his immune system collapsed and he was paralysed by tiredness", Bower writes in his update. "After waking in the afternoon, he lay in his bed sensing an emergency. 'It hit me like a wave. My body was saying that I was turning into a weird vampire,'" Cowell told friends.

During the three weeks of recuperation he spent the days watching films, reading books and walking in his garden barefoot for up to two hours at a time.

Now do you see why playing with wild animals is a bad idea, children? Simon was on top of the world just one short year ago, and now he's bedridden like an overwhelmed Real Housewife of New Jersey. Reason? Well, Simon thought he'd be the cowboy that could corral a couple of wild fillies like Britney and Demi by using fire to fight fire, except he overestimated his tolerance for chemical abuse. Simon should have known that his health would be at risk when Britney and Demi's contracts demanded individual Tennessee White Lightning distilleries in their dressing rooms.

*10 Simon Cowell pictures total in the gallery:

L.A. Reid, Demi Lovato, Simon Cowell, and Britney Spears

In what was the worst kept secret in Hollywood, Britney Spears was officially unveiled as the new X Factor judge yesterday at the Fox Upfront Presentation at Wollman Rink in New York. In a somewhat surprising move, Demi Lovato is joining the show as the fourth judge, so there will be no shortage of crazy on the upcoming season. Simon should probably keep a straightjacket under his judge's chair. Also, just to be safe, Britney and Demi's dressing rooms are going to be entirely padded with no sharp objects or chicken wings within reach. This is gonna be fun.

*27 Britney Spears pictures total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell nailed Alicia Douvall 11 times in one night

In an interview with The Sun over the weekend, British model Alicia Douvall revealed that Simon Cowell once banged her 11 times in one night. Whatever, been there done that many tim-- wait, was she conscious? From the tabloid:

Alicia, 32, first met Cowell at a hotel bar in London’s posh Knightsbridge in 2001. The former Playboy TV model said: "On the third or fourth date we ended up doing it 11 times in one night. We went out for dinner and then back to his hotel. We ordered champagne on room service.

"We started having sex and went on through the night. We slept a little bit in between but only for a few minutes. We had sex in the sitting room, the bedroom and the bathroom and kept going on and on. Every time we had sex he would analyse my performance just like a judge on the TV and say how there could be an improvement next time."

Holy shitballs on a stick, Simon Cowell is the man. This is embarrassing to me. At my very best, I can only shoot 7-8 times a night, so what Cowell is doing is damn impressive. Since Simon is old enough to be my dad I'll assume he had chemical help to keep the ol' English taffy up that long, and he probably has one hell of a quick draw. Yeah, I'll go with that. Shit, 11 times? That's 10 more times than Justin Bieber has dry-humped Selena Gomez. "Cooties!"

*23 Alicia Douvall pictures total in the gallery:

Simon Cowell leaving the Arts Club in London (2/23)

Simon Cowell was nice enough to sneak a woman back to his hotel room for a night of slappin' and ticklin', and then the bitch had to go and rob him. So rude. From The Sun:

[Cowell] met the girl in a nightclub and smuggled her back to his hotel. Next day he woke to find her gone — taking his wallet and a laptop full of show secrets. Cowell’s team called in cops, who used security camera footage to trace the thieving girl. She agreed to return the computer — but kept the cash from his wallet. The robbery — after Cowell had downed too many vodka mixes at Drai’s nightclub in Hollywood — happened last October at a time of crisis in his career over The X Factor in the UK and US.

Simon has to look on the bright side. Most people who get robbed don't get to cum right beforehand. So that's sorta nice. It was almost worth it.

*15 Simon Cowell pictures total in the gallery: