"Jazz hands!" Simon Cowell is about to get paid . . . 100 million times over. He's getting at least that much to appear on the next season of
American Idol. That's in dollars by the way, not pesos. 100 million dollars. In related news, I was legitimately excited today when I found a quarter on the ground at the laundromat. From the
New York Post:
Cowell, who reportedly made $36 million last year for judging the hit competition show, has been offered three or four times that amount -- between $100 million and $144 million per year -- by co-producers Fox and 19 Entertainment to stick with "Idol" when his contract expires next May, according to The Guardian, a London newpaper.
Fox declined yesterday to comment about the salary negotiations. While $36 million may seem like a lot of money for five months worth of snarky comments and eye-rolls, it's only a fraction of the estimated $900 million that "Idol" rakes in a year.
If
American Idol actually does make $900 million a year, then $100 million to keep Simon is quite a bargain. Why else do people watch that show? For Paula? Randy? That new chick? No, viewers tune in to see dreamers like William Hung make fools out of themselves and to hear Simon rip that dream right out of their assholes. Now, if
FOX were smart, they'd up his salary by one more million . . . with the understanding that he wear shirts that fit.
Simon Cowell has a nice house Simon Cowell's new home in Beverly Hills
NOTE: “. . . is better than you” is a Friday feature showcasing multi-million dollar celebrity homes in the hopes of generating feelings of jealousy, hatred, and animosity towards said celebrity. When you get down to the entertainment-dollar-spending core of it, you helped buy that home. Sucker!
Simon Cowell leaving a party at The Box nightclub in New York (4/3)
My god, are those car keys in Simon's hand? I really hope he didn't drive home. Not because he's drunk, but because he's in a car. You hit a drifter (as I assuming most people do when they're drunk; I hit four last week) and he's going right through your windshield, potentially injuring your passengers and creating one helluva cleanup. When I go clubbing, I won't drive home in anything less than a Hummer or snow plow. You gotta be responsible.
Simon Cowell at the Dorchester Hotel in London (2/9)
You know how you can tell he's drunk but not totally drunk? He's only down to the third button on his shirt. After his tenth brandy, that's when the fourth button is undone and the chest hair comes out to play. Ladies, you better hope you're not wearing panties when that happens because I guarantee you will lose them.
Simon Cowell in Glasgow, Scotland (1/20)
Fuck, I knew I should have asked for a man servant for Christmas and not a PS3. Stupid thing doesn't even know how to make a decent drink.
Simon Cowell in Barbados (12/22)
I didn't know Simon Cowell
was related to Vanessa Hudgens . . .
Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour in Barbados in 2005
I'm not gay or anything but I'm seriously considering dating Simon Cowell. Cowell gave his ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour $9 million after she broke up with him last month. The couple dated for six years and split under amicable terms. Cowell's rep told Life & Style:
"Terri phoned Simon about six weeks ago and finished it. Simon thinks the world of Terri, and that isn't going to change. He also understands her reason for ending it."According to the magazine, Seymour wanted to marry and start a family, whereas Cowell recently said, "I don't want to marry anyone, because whoever marries me will end up hating me." As for the pile of money Seymour reportedly received: a rep for Cowell says, "this isn't the kind of thing he usually comments about." (Source)
Simon's doing it wrong. Isn't the whole point of not marrying your girlfriend so that when you break up you won't have to pay her for time served? If Simon really wanted to pay someone for fucking him without having to worry about commitment, a better option probably would have been the Mustang Ranch . . . or organized religion.
Simon Cowell outside the Ivy restaurant in Beverly Hills (9/22)
Has he been living on the sun? Sleeping in a fireplace? Holding his breath for four days? Please someone explain to me why he looks like this.
Simon Cowell leaving Cipriani restaurant in London (10/2007)
Simon Cowell paid off a woman's $162,000 mortgage yesterday during his appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show. OK! magazine says:
The British judge, whose known for his bitter tongue, decided to take part in Oprah's Big Give program in a big way -- by paying off the mortgage of a couple who are struggling with their daughter's debilitating cancer. Amy and Randy must travel more than 100 miles from their home each day so that their daughter Madeline can receive treatments. In order to lessen the burden on the family, Simon decided to pay off the family's $162,000 mortgage."I never knew that doing good could feel so good," said Simon. (Source)
You know what else feels good when you do it? Wearing a t-shirt that fits! You can't imagine how much more comfortable it is when blood is allowed to flow freely to your arms. Now if Simon really wants to take this charity thing to the next level, he can start by giving Paula away. I'm sure she'd fetch a couple bucks in sleazy places like Tijuana or Congress.
[BauerGriffinOnline]
Simon Cowell in Barbados (12/17)
I know this has nothing to do with Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy but I thought I should still post these pics of Simon Cowell and his girlfriend in Barbados. Speaking of Jamie Lynn's pregnancy, Simon had this to say:
". . ."
Shit, someone really needs to ask him about that. C'mon Access Hollywood, get off your fat ass.
