Shia LaBeouf's MMA career is over before it even started. The actor was on the losing end of a "brutal ass whooping" last week in Vancouver (video above). TMZ says:
Shia LaBeouf was repeatedly PUNCHED IN THE HEAD by a shirtless, hairy-bellied man on a Vancouver sidewalk last week -- and TMZ has obtained footage of the brutal ass whooping.
It's unclear exactly what provoked the attack -- but we're told Shia originally got into it with the man inside a bar called Cinema Public House ... and after security kicked them both out, the man tore off his shirt and unleashed the fury all over Shia's face.
Oh whatever -- Shia didn't get his ass kicked. He definitely would have won if the bystanders didn't break up the fight. If you watch the video, Shia expertly curls up in a fetal position while the fat guy rains blow after blow down upon his defenseless head. But how long do you think that out-of-shape dude could have kept doing that before tiring himself out? Maybe 15 minutes? And that's when Shia would have made his move! The old rope-a-dope strategy in action, baby! Ali ain't got nothing on LaBeouf!
Selena Gomez's idol is Shia LaBeouf. Yes, that Shia LaBeouf. Oh wow. Via Contact Music:
[Selena Gomez] admits she was recently left "starstruck" when she met her idol, 'Transformers' actor Shia LaBeouf.
She
told Reveal magazine: "I was so happy when I saw Shia. I was so
starstruck. He probably thinks I'm crazy and I probably made a fool out
of myself, but I love him. I have literally been obsessed with him since
I was 15. Shia's older than me, so I look up to him. I don't want to
marry him, though!"
Could this story get any better for Shia? Not
only is a hot multimillionaire teenager infatuated with him, but she
doesn't want anything long term. Sweet! The only way this scenario could be
more ideal for Shia is if Selena was single said this four years
ago. Just kidding, that's gross and disgusting. What I meant to say was five years ago.
Much was made earlier this week about Shia LaBeouf's interview with Detailswhere he pretty much confirmed the rumor that he nailed Megan Fox while the two were working on Transformers in 2009. Was she single at the time? Did she cheat on Brian Austin Green? Not that it matters (What, was he going to dump her? For who, a waitress at IHOP?), but a source who worked on Transformers told Us Weekly that Megan didn't cheat:
"Yes, Megan and Shia hooked up. It was when Megan and Brian broke up. They had a 10-month break before getting back together.
"[Shia and Megan] bonded while filming. Believe me, that was an unhappy set. I think they were drawn together because it was so ugly working [with Michael Bay] on that film."
Jesus, do any of the actors in this movie franchise know when to shut up? Shia should have learned from Megan's mistake that you absolutely DO NOT act "unhappy" on set. Otherwise, you'll end up getting fired and see your career fizzle so badly that you'll end up doing complete losers like Jonah Hex or Brian Austin Green.
*10 Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green photos total in the gallery:
Shia LaBeouf filming Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in Princeton, NJ in 2008
In addition to pretty much admitting to banging Megan Fox in the interview he did with Details, Shia LaBeouf also gave a little hint as to why the 2009 sequel to Transformers sucked so bad. From the article:
[Shia] gave an emphatic thumbs-down to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. "We were flying by the seat of our pants, with an unlimited budget," he says now, noting that they'd begun shooting without a finished script. "None of us had any clue what we were doing."
"We didn't have a script the second time! It was like a two-hour SNL skit with explosions. We were sort of riffing."
Shia's right about one thing, that last Transformers film was a lot like a typical Saturday Night Live skit -- painfully awkward. I mean, the only people that find a machine with metal balls amusing are adolescent boys and pachinko players. Let's just hope this next film didn't require any improvisation because it already has what everyone wanted from the very beginning: a great plot close-ups of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley's tits.
Pretty much from day one of them stepping onto the Transformers set, Shia LaBeouf was rumored to be banging Megan Fox. In 2009, a witness who saw the two together at a party told the New York Daily News:
"They definitely seemed into each other. Shia couldn’t keep his eyes off of Megan: He literally watched her like a hawk all night."
After Megan married Brian Austin Green in 2010, a source told the Chicago Sun Times that Brian was "Plan B":
"She never got over ['Transformers' co-star] Shia LaBeouf. ... Brian has always been her second choice, but he's a good guy and truly is crazy about her. But, I don't think that one-way street kind of relationship will eventually work out, I'm sorry to say."
So I guess Shia's new interview in Details doesn't really come as much of a shock:
Asked if he hooked up with Fox, LaBeouf nods affirmatively. "Look, you're on the set for six months, with someone who's rooting to be attracted to you, and you're rooting to be attracted to them," he explains. "I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen." When I inquire about Fox's status at the time with her longtime boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, LaBeouf replies, "I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. . . ."—repeating the phrase exactly 12 times with various intonations, as if trying to get it just right. Finally, he says, "It was what it was."
I've got to hand it to Shia -- it took some kind of restraint to keep this quiet for the past two years. If I had sex with Megan Fox, I'd run a full page ad in The New York Times. And that ad would tell everyone to watch my commercial during the Super Bowl where I talk about the time I had sex with Megan Fox.
After reading Wednesday's column about the weekend wedding of Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, a friend of Fox's currently in town working on the Ron Howard film called to say she is worried the newlywed's bliss may be short-lived.
"She never got over ['Transformers' co-star] Shia LaBeouf. ... Brian has always been her second choice, but he's a good guy and truly is crazy about her. But, I don't think that one-way street kind of relationship will eventually work out, I'm sorry to say."
Of course their relationship is "one way" -- Megan's one of the hottest pieces of ass on the planet, and the only person in Hollywood who's worked less than Brian this past decade is Chris Farley. I guess there's a chance these two might make it -- but that all depends on whether or not Brian can keep Megan from falling for other has-been TV stars of his caliber from the 90s . . . such as Corky from Life Goes On.
"I'd be watching the news, and they'd play my car crash, and every once in a while Kim Kardashian's sister would jump on TV and preach to me from the red carpet about how to live my fucking life. And I'm so upset, man. I'm so angry. Because this accident was not caused by me. I got hit. I had a green. This fucker ran a red light. And he flipped my truck, and he shoveled it on my hand. And my fingers are in the street… they're off, they're under the truck door, man. This is fake, dude," he says, lifting his newly reconstructed hand. "This is hip bone and the skin that was left over…"
Wait a minute, Khloe was arrested herself for DUI in 2007. And then was sent to jail in 2008 for blowing off her alcohol education classes. She's the last person that should be giving advice to someone on how to live their life. Interestingly, she's the first person that I would go to for advice on gravy.
Hasn't Shia LaBeouf made roughly 7 billion dollars over the past few years? Why is he still dressing like he paints houses? Fuck, I hate financially conservative celebs. C'mon Shia, do something really really stupid with your money. Hire someone to throw rose petals wherever you walk. Get a liberal arts degree from a state university. Just do something.
Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf at the German premiere of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen at the Potsdamer Platz Square in Berlin (6/14)
Megan Fox and Shia LaBeouf have been spending a lot of time together lately while promoting the newest Transformers film, so it comes as no surprise that he probably weaseled his way into her bed. From the New York Daily News:
Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are certainly fanning the gossip fires when it comes to reports they’re an item. The “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” co-stars (whose movie killed the competition with a $201 million five-day opening) sat side by side during a dinner with 10 pals — including director Oliver Stone — at Nobu on Thursday.
"They definitely seemed into each other," says a witness, who told us that when Fox left at 10 p.m., LaBeouf followed hot on her heels. Another spy added that, while partying at a Rose’s bash in West Hollywood earlier in the week, "Shia couldn’t keep his eyes off of Megan: He literally watched her like a hawk all night."
Watched her like a hawk? I've actually had a judge use that same exact phrase right before he handed down my sentence. Yet the Daily News somehow makes it seem cute and innocent. Dammit, I wish they had been writing about my "situation" last year instead of the rookies that work at my local paper. I bet those veterans would have never used such a loaded term as "Panty Bandit."
Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: