Sex Tapes

Hot tongue action!

The biggest winner in the Kim Kardashian nude photoshoot that went viral last week wasn't Kim herself or Paper magazine -- it was Ray-J. The hoopla boosted sales of Kim and Ray J's sex tape Kim K Superstar, and he pocketed an extra $50k. Living the American dream right there. From TMZ:
Ray has been getting around $90K every 3 months, so this is a real ass-tronomical increase. Steve Hirsch, president of Vivid Entertainment, tells TMZ, the most recent spike makes "Kim K Superstar" the biggest selling celebrity sex tape of all time. Until last week, the title holders were Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee.
You gotta hand it to Ray J. One sex tape, and now he's getting huge checks for the rest of his life. He's set. He basically fucked the big-tittied version of Publisher's Clearing House.

*5 Ray J pictures total in the gallery:

  • Ray J Sex Tape Profits 1
  • Ray J Sex Tape Profits 2
  • Ray J Sex Tape Profits 3
  • Ray J Sex Tape Profits 4
  • Ray J Sex Tape Profits 5

Kris Jenner on her way to SoulCycle in Beverly Hills (3/10)

Stop me if you've heard this story before, but one of the Kardashians is being blackmailed over a sex tape. Plot twist: It's the mom. From Radar:
According to a source close to the Kardashian-Jenner family, Jenner was approached over a week ago by an unknown man claiming to be in possession of a sex tape starring the Keeping Up with the Kardashians momager.

"At first she thought it was a joke, because she knew it couldn't be real," the source told Radar. "Obviously she would never allow herself to be taped like that! Initially, she just ignored it."
"Obviously she would never allow herself to be taped like that" in reference to Kris Jenner might be the funniest thing I've ever heard. If the money was right, she would go fuck O.J. in prison and sell the footage to Vivid. There's literally nothing she wouldn't do for money.
But it soon became clear that her tormentor would not let go so easily.

"He called Kris more than one hundred times in the last seven days, from more than 100 different phone numbers," the source revealed. "He uses scrambled cell numbers. He called more than 25 times just yesterday (Sunday) alone! The man has been demanding money from Kris. If he's not paid, he claims, he'll release the tape."
Oh no, Kris must be so stressed. If only there was someone she could talk to -- a daughter-like figure, perhaps -- who was in the same situation in the past, but used it to her advantage to make millions of dollars. Nope, can't think of anybody.
As a result, the insider revealed, "The family has drastically stepped up their security and Kris had no choice but to turn all the information over to law enforcement and to [the family's private investigator] Gavin DeBecker."
In other news, the Kardashian family has a private investigator on staff. They're basically like their own little country. I wouldn't be surprised if they try to take over Malibu like it's Crimea.

*15 Kris Jenner pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 1
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 2
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 3
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 4
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 5
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 1
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 2
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 3
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  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 5
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  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 7
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 8
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 9
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape 10

Kris Jenner out for lunch in Beverly Hills (10/30)

Kris Jenner tells Joan Rivers on her new webseries In Bed With Joan (*shudders*) that she cried herself to sleep when her daughter's sex tape first came out:
"I cried myself to sleep...I don't think anything can prepare you for something like that when it comes to your daughter. I had to go into a room and cry for a couple days and say, 'okay, pull yourself to-fucking-gether because you have to be here for all these kids and your family, and you have to show them as an example how to get through this.'"
I don't doubt for a second that Kris Jenner was in tears when Kim's sex tape came out. I just think it's for a different reason than she's implying. "I can't help but think -- *sniff* --  that I should have negotiated a cut of the backend -- *wipes away tear* -- instead of just a lump sum payment up front. I have failed as an exploitative mother -- *sniff* -- and I can only hope to get better in the coming years."

*15 Kris Jenner Beverly Hills pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 1
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 2
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 3
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 4
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 5
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 6
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 7
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 8
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  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 11
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 12
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 13
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 14
  • Kris Jenner Sex Tape Tears 15

Tori Spelling made a sex tape

Tori Spelling admits in her new book that she and husband Dean McDermott made a sex tape on Valentine's Day back in 2009 that was subsequently stolen off her computer by a friend. Ultimately nothing came of it because it's TORI SPELLING HAVING SEX and no one wants to see that. Via the Daily Mail:
"Dean said, 'We should tape ourselves having sex,'" she writes in her book. "He had a little portable tripod, and he set up his video camera on it. Afterward, I checked my angles and they were good so I allowed him to keep it. He uploaded it to our computer at home... without password protection."

Unfortunately, this proved to be an error, according to Tori, when, two years later, Dean discovered through a friend, that a mutual biker 'friend' of theirs had somehow found the tape on his computer and copied it.

"The so-called friend was attempting to sell it to entertainment shows or anyone who would pay the right price. I was horrified. The incensed couple then sent the man in question some kind of legal letter but he never responded. We never heard from him again, and the incident went away."
Wait a minute, I thought we were all done with the "my sex tape was stolen" malarkey back in 2002, or is this some part of an elaborate plan to bore me to death? Let me guess: her "friend" was able to control*alt*delete past her Windows 2000 firewall and make a copy of a low res video onto 10 floppy disks? You're not fooling me, Tori. At least when Gena Lee Nolin pulled this shit a hundred years ago, Baywatch was still the biggest show in the world, and she didn't have a giant hole in her chest were cleavage should be. Why can't you retire gracefully, like Gena? Oh, she didn't retire? Nobody gives a shit about her either, eh? My bad.

*10 Tori Spelling pictures total in the gallery:

  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 1
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 2
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 3
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 4
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 5
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 6
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 7
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 8
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 9
  • Tori Spelling Stolen Sex Tape 10

Farrah vs. Kim

This week's sign that the Apocalypse is finally upon us:
According to our porn sources, Farrah's 70-minute debut, "Backdoor Teen Mom," lured in more than 2 million visitors in just 12 hours Monday -- annihilating the record previously held by Kim K and Ray J, which attracted 600,000 during the same time frame. (TMZ)
Enjoy your weekend, folks

*10 sex tape pictures total in the gallery:

  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 1
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 2
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 3
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 4
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 5
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 6
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 7
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 8
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 9
  • Farrah Kim Sex Tape Comparison 10

Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham in Santa Monica (4/9)

Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham has finally admitted that she did shoot a "sex tape" with porn star James Deen, and now she wants a shitload of money for it. From TMZ:
The ex-Teen Mom star's reason for shooting the XXX video is simply the best ... telling TMZ she wanted to immortalize her smokin' hot 21-year-old body -- for her personal collection -- so she could look back on it when she's old.

As for the sex vid going public ... Farrah says her lawyer is dealing with a porn company, and she "will not be settling for anything less than a couple million" bucks.
2 million dollars? I wouldn't give her 2 million yen. I would rather watch my own conception 32 years ago than watch a tape of this bolted-on-tits-bitch having sex. Hey Teen Mom, you want a foolproof way to make $2 million? Get a job and work for the next 25 years.

*25 Farrah Abraham bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 1
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 2
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 3
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 4
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 5
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 6
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 7
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 8
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 9
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 10
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 11
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 12
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 13
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 14
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 15
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 16
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 17
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 18
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 19
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 20
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 21
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 22
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 23
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 24
  • Teen Mom Sex Tape 25

Miss Teen Delaware Melissa King

In what many people (e.g. me) are already calling THE GREATEST STORY EVER, Miss Teen Delaware 2012 Melissa King resigned today after a hardcore porn scene she filmed last summer -- three months after she turned 18 -- was discovered on an amateur porn site today. Damn, this bitch is already smarter than Kim Kardashian. There's way more money to be made when you skip the middle man and go directly to the porn site. A rep for the Miss Delaware Teen USA pageant issued a statement:
"I would like to confirm the Miss Delaware Teen USA pageant has received a resignation letter from Miss King's attorney."
This is a bunch of bullshit. Nowhere in the pageant rules does it say that a contestant can't sit on a bed for an interview, get on her knees and give a man oral sex, have sex with that man in the doggystyle position, get on top of the same man in the cowgirl position, and then give the man more oral sex before he finally ejaculates onto her face. You know, I'm just saying if she had done all that in this so-called scene that she shot that I definitely haven't seen because porn objectifies women.

*10 Miss Delaware porn pictures total in the gallery:

  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 1
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 2
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 3
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 4
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 5
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 6
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 7
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 8
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 9
  • Miss Teen Delaware Porn 10

Kelly Monaco has a sex tape

The good news is that Kelly Monaco has a sex tape. The less good news is that it was taped 20+ years ago. The bad news is that we'll probably never get to see it because her old boyfriend is some kind of "gentleman" or something. What a queer! From Star:
Two years before she paved the way for her showbiz career by taking it all off for Playboy magazine, Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars beauty Kelly Monaco had a far more steamy exposure - as the teenage star of a homemade sex video with her longtime boyfriend!

"Kelly was 19 years old, outgoing and fearless by nature, and was very comfortable with our making love in from of the camera," her former boyfriend, Mike Gonzalez, tells Star in an exclusive interview. "Making the video was a mutual decision, and we filmed it at my house. She's never mentioned it, and I still have it ... If I was a bad person, it would have already been released in the last couple of years, and I would have made a mint. But I'd never do that to her." (Print Edition 11/12)
" would have already been released in the last couple of years...but I'd never do that to her." Translation: Mike Gonzalez is releasing a Kelly Monaco sex tape in the near future. What a dope this guy is. He should have released the tape when Kelly won Dancing with the Stars during the Clinton administration. In 2012, this is just another ex-Baywatch babe porno -- and those are a dime-a-dozen, literally (I really did pay a dime for a dozen Baywatch tapes at a flea market last week). My favorite is still Pam Anderson getting impaled on a boat by that tattooed guy. My least favorite is probably the one with David Hasselhoff and the cheeseburger.

*30 Kelly Monaco bikini pictures total in the gallery:

  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 1
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 2
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 3
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 4
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 5
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 6
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 7
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  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 25
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  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 29
  • Kelly Monaco Bikini Pictures 30

Kanye West sex tape being shopped

A sex tape featuring Kanye West and an 18-year-old "Kim Kardashian lookalike" is being shopped around, and Kanye is freaking the fuck out. From Radar:
The tape is nearly 20 minutes long and appears to have been shot in a hotel room with an unidentified female who clearly states at the beginning of the video that she's 18 years old. The woman also confesses to Kanye that she is married and claims, "My husband and I don't have sex anymore... that's why I'm here!"

"The sex tape is being shopped right now and there's a lot of interest, but Kanye is freaking out!" an insider revealed. "He doesn't want this tape out and will do anything to make sure it stays private. If this were to hit the market it would be worth a fortune... there would definitely be a lot of people wanting to see this! Kanye was practically in tears when he heard the tape was being shopped."
Man, this is terrible news for Kim. It must be absolutely heartbreaking for her to know that her significant other was involved in a sex tape . . . wait a minute.

*10 Kanye West pics total in the gallery:

  • Kanye West Sex Tape 1
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 2
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 3
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 4
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 5
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 6
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 7
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 8
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 9
  • Kanye West Sex Tape 10

Minka Kelly on her way to the gym in West Hollywood (7/21)

I've been in love with Minka Kelly for years so you can imagine my delight hearing that a lesbian sex tape she starred in years ago is being shopped around. Just kidding about that "lesbian" part. Christ, how hot would that be? From TMZ:
Minka Kelly is the latest in a long line of actresses to star in a sex tape that is now being peddled to the highest bidder, but there could be a big complication because it's possible Minka was a minor when it was shot.

The tape, which is 30-minutes long, was shot in New Mexico and features Minka with an ex-boyfriend. The tape is shot in a semi-professional manner. The camera is secured by a tripod and hooked up to a TV monitor, so both Minka and the BF can watch the action they create. Minka is very aware of the camera.
I'm a little suspicious of this. This dude made a sex tape with Minka Kelly -- Minka freaking Kelly -- and didn't immediately show all of his friends/neighbors/co-workers/mother/father/grandma/grandpa? How did he have the will power to not release it until years after the fact? Amazing. If I ever fucked Minka Kelly, I would probably live-tweet it.

On top of @MinkaKelly right now. Can't wait to stick it in. #anticipation

I'm in! #rawdog

*10 Minka Kelly pictures total in the gallery:

  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 1
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 2
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 3
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 4
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 5
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 6
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 7
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 8
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 9
  • Minka Kelly Sex Tape 10

Would You Rather?

Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: