Recently in Sean Preston Federline Category

Britney Spears kids Jayden and Sean in Miami (9/3)

At what age do you think Britney Spears' kids will realize that they do not in fact have two black fathers and a Costa Rican mother? 9? 10?

Britney Spears and her son Jayden James at the London Zoo (6/16)

Fuck, the picture gave it away, didn't it? Dammit, I'm such an idiot. From the New York Daily News:

Britney Spears' tots have definitely hit the terrible twos and threes, if their language is any indication. While the singer picked up goodies at a swag suite in L.A. last week, Sean Preston, 3, and Jayden James, 2, shocked guests by repeatedly yelling, "Oh shit!"

"We were all surprised by their potty mouths, but it was actually pretty funny," one onlooker acknowledged.

How did Britney respond to her sons' antics? Said the source: "She was too busy picking out freebies to chastise the boys for misbehaving."

Is anyone really shocked by this story? What's more surprising is that Jayden and Sean haven't completely followed in their parents' footsteps and started smoking, flashing their genitals, or knocking up other toddlers yet. Sadly, a story about these two cursing will one day probably seem quaint. By the time they're teenagers, we'll be reminiscing about the good ol' days when they were "just" swearing and not overdosing, getting blackout drunk, or failing to post bail.

Britney Jayden and Sean in the Bahamas (5/21)

Britney Spears' sons Jayden and Sean left a path of destruction in their wake earlier this month during her tour stop in Connecticut. The boys went rock star (minus the smashed guitar and naked, passed out groupies) on a $2k/night suite at the Mohegan Sun resort. A hotel employee told the Globe:

"The boys pulled down the silk drapes and broke an expensive vase in the living room. They also left crayon marks all over the walls. One of the boys messed in his pants while in the pool — leaving other swimmers horrified."

Wow, this is really poor parenting. Esmeralda -- Britney's maid -- should be absolutely ashamed of herself.

Britney Spears with Jayden and Sean in September 2007

It's official: Britney Spears' kids are gonna be raised by hung-over roadies for the next year. She's bringing both of them along on her worldwide tour, which kicks off early next month in New Orleans. Alternate headline: NO YOU CRAZY BITCH, NOOOOOOO!!! From Us Weekly:

Britney Spears will have her babies on board! The pop star has finally gotten her way after rumors circulated that she threatened to cancel her upcoming tour if she was not allowed to bring her sons.

"Both Sean Preston and Jayden James will, in fact, be joining Britney throughout the duration of her tour," her official website states.

Spears was planning to cancel her upcoming Circus tour if her ex-husband Kevin Federline's lawyers continued to block an agreement that would allow her to take her sons on the road.

For weeks, Spears, Federline and Spears' father Jamie had been privately planning to let the two boys travel with Spears on the tour. According to TMZ.com, the pop star would have homes in three cities -- New Jersey, New Orleans and Los Angeles -- so that the children could stay nearby while Spears commuted back and forth from regional concert venues.

Additionally, the agreement allowed Kevin to receive at least $4,000 each week that Spears is on tour and that he would receive his own home in each of the three predetermined cities as well, reported TMZ Monday. (Source)

Britney threatened to cancel her tour if the kids weren't allowed to come? No wonder K-Fed gave in. It's simple supply-side economics: If Britney doesn't tour, she doesn't make money, which means K-Fed doesn't get paid, which means dozens of Vegas strippers are left homeless without tuition money having to get a job that requires underwear. Frankly, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke should be thanking Britney. Her tour is paying to keep the lights* on in Vegas.

*especially the red ones

INFDaily.com

Who cares if Sean Preston's teeth are a little yellow, he's gonna lose 'em anyways.

Anyone ever notice how much Britney Spears' son, Sean Preston Federline, looks exactly like Gwen Stefani's son, Kingston Rossdale? Take away Sean Preston's physical and emotional scars, cuts, tapeworm, trenchfoot, plague, ten extra pounds from all the Pepsi he's gulped down out of his sippy cup, and they're practically the same baby.

Is it possible to be considered white trash before your second birthday? Poor kid, never really had a chance. Like that New York Times crossword puzzle I did before my first cup of coffee this morning. Nine letters, 11th Century Byzantine ruler. Please. You insult my intelligence.

Sean Preston Federline

Britney plans to bring her son Sean Preston on her comeback tour.

The singer, who is expecting her second child next month, admits she can't bear to be away from him any longer after being locked away in the studio recording her new album.

She says: "I think it will be good to have a sibling there with Sean Preston on tour. I've been going to the studio lately, and we've been trying out different nannies. It's hard to leave Sean Preston... I'm so torn right now."

I can't blame Britney. There wouldn't be much of a difference between leaving Sean Preston with Kevin Federline or a pack of wild baboons. Either way she'd come home to a house with feces smeared on the wall and a family of raccoons living in the guest bedroom. At least the baboons would pick the fleas and ticks off Sean Preston and give him the occasional bath. It'd probably be with their tongue but, hey, it's all about the effort.

[WENN]