Sean Penn

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, July 5

Sean Penn at a beach party in Malibu (pics start here)

Joe Manganiello on the set of White Collar in New York (pics start here)

Elle Fanning at the Chanel show during Paris Fashion Week (pics start here)

Olivia Wilde leaving a gym in L.A. (pics start here)

Brandi Glanville (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) shopping at Cross Creek in Malibu (pics start here)

Kelly Rowland arriving at Noby restaurant in London (pics start here)

English model Agyness Deyn riding her bike in the West Village of New York (pics start here)

Rachel Bilson shopping in L.A. (pics start here)

Robert Downey Jr. and his wife Susan walking on the beach in Malibu (pics start here)

Keith Urban arriving on a flight at Sydney International Airport in Australia (pics start here)

Claudia Schiffer out and about in London (pics start here)

January Jones at a party in Malibu (pics start here)

Jessica Alba and Cash Warren out and about in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

*121 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Sean Penn is a dick

Scarlett Johansson wasn't smart enough for Sean Penn, according to the fantasy world that Sean Penn lives in (population: 1). A source told the National Enquirer:

"It was the last straw when Sean disparaged [Scarlett's] lack of education about politics and urged her to go to school. Scarlett loves him, but she had to end the romance because she felt she had no breathing room."

The May-December romance began to unravel when [Johansson] felt a little out of her depth intellectually when she recently attended a White House gala.

"A little out of her depth intellectually"? Is low confidence why she had sex in a bathroom that night?

That convinced Penn, 50, that the pillow-lipped beauty -- who never attended college -- needed to get more education. Back in 2003, she had applied for New York University's arts program but was rejected.

"Sean suggested Scarlett take a political science course," revealed an insider, "and it rubbed her the wrong way. She's a free spirit and just became fed up with him trying to take over every aspect of her life - from career choices and work habits to people she associated with."

Is this guy actually telling someone else they should study more about politics? Pot meet kettle. That's like Kirstie Alley telling someone they should go on a diet or Lindsay Lohan preaching about AA. Sean Penn's views on politics are so out of whack, Scarlett should consider herself lucky she got out when she did. Otherwise, she'd have found herself becoming a commie or perhaps something even more despised in Hollywood -- a republican.

*20 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:

Sean Penn at the 2011 Cannes International Film Festival in France (5/20)

OK, maybe Sean Penn wasn't cheating on Scarlett Johansson after all at Cannes. He was just getting some rebound sex. From People:

Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn are no longer dating, a source tells PEOPLE. Speculation about the pair began after Johansson did not attend the Cannes Film Festival with Penn for his movie The Tree of Life. The reason for the split wasn't immediately known. Reps declined to comment.

Source say that things began to turn sour in the relationship when Scarlett realized that she was dating Sean Penn. "Wait a minute . . ."

*5 Sean Penn pictures total in the gallery:

Scarlett Johansson walking her dog in New York (5/8)

Well this relationship is going well. Sean Penn was almost able to date Scarlett Johansson for three whole months before rumors emerged that he was cheating on her. From the New York Daily News:

A source at the Cannes Film Festival says the 49-year-old Penn had friends of both the blond and brunette kind in a glass elevator at the Hotel du Cap in Antibes around 4 a.m. [on May 20]. The source tells us that after attending the black-tie amfAR benefit at the hotel and then a private yacht party with Jude Law, Penn returned to the hotel with the two "super-hot" women. The trio then proceeded to the hotel's glass elevator and ascended to one of the three-story property's higher floors.

"They weren't sharing the elevator. They were going up together," our source says.

Penn wasn't going to his room. The actor, who attended the festival with his 17-year-old son, Hopper, was staying on the hotel's ground floor, we hear.

Oh no, Sean's cheating on Scarlett? What is she ever going to do? How will a hot chick in her mid-20s with a huge rack and millions of dollars in the bank ever find another boyfriend? If Sean really is the kind of man she's interested in -- diminutive in stature, hates freedom -- perhaps Scarlett should start looking somewhere with plenty of those types to choose from: China Congress.

*6 Scarlet Johansson pictures total in the gallery:

Fancy meeting you here

Sean Penn already wants to get married. Fuck. From the National Enquirer:

Scarlett Johansson's mega-entrancin' 24-years-older Sean Penn, reassuring pals who worry he's getting too serious too fast that she's "not rushing into anything" after her painful breakup with hubby Ryan Reynolds - but ScarJo confesses she loves sitting at the feet of (so to speak) the…er, aged sage!

"Scarlett says every day with Sean is an education equivalent to a college course - he's so worldly and knowledgeable," reports a friend. "She knows she married Ryan way too fast, but insists she's a quick learner. Even though marriage seems to be on Sean’s mind and he’s pushing things a little fast, Scarlett's doing her best to hold him off at the pass."

Every day is an education with Sean? What the hell could Scarlett possibly be learning from that commie bastard? The only subjects that guy is qualified to teach are "How to Hate your Country 101," "Sympathizing with America's Enemies Parts 1 and 2," and "An Introductory Guide on How to Stop Growing at Age 12." Besides, what does Scarlett need with an education? She has huge tits.

*5 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:

Oh Scarlett, you shouldn't have

Oh god, I feel so disgusting after reading this story and imagining Sean Penn going to town on Scarlett Johansson in a bathroom stall. I just want to scrub myself with steel wool like one of those rape victims on Law & Order. From the New York Post:

Sean Penn caused a stir right off the bat when he wouldn't follow everyone else in putting his hand over his heart as the room stood and sang "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the Hilton International Ballroom. The surly star then spent dinner all over new flame Scarlett Johansson. "She plopped down in his lap, and they were kissing," described a shocked witness. The two left the room for "an hour," sources said, and Penn came back to the table with his tie askew.

Every time I think this America-hating scumbag couldn't piss me off anymore, he goes and does something even more infuriating. I can put up with public displays of affection in inappropriate places, but not giving his full respect to our country and it's National Anthem is inexcusable. As a matter of fact, it makes me so angry that I'll just have to masturbate to images of his girlfriend. *unzips pants* This'll teach that commie!

*25 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:

Sean Penn is a pussy

Sean Penn went paddleboarding over the weekend in Malibu. And I don't know if he was afraid of falling into the water or what, but he stayed on his knees the whole damn time. "But there's fish in the water, and they might bite me!" Sean said afterward, right before he sat down to take a piss.

*26 Sean Penn pictures total in the gallery:

Sean Penn out and about in New York (3/15)

If you would have told me last year that, at some point in 2011, Sean Penn would be dating Scarlett Johansson, I probably would have punched you in the face. Nevertheless, they were seen in Mexico together on a romantic getaway earlier this month. And now we have a "longtime associate" of Scarlett's telling the Chicago Sun Times this:

"There may be a generational gulf there, but trust me, Scarlett and Sean are more alike than you’d think. Both are very cerebral and intense, but more important, the two of them are all about the work. They both are tough, totally career-focused, no-nonsense people. … I also think they were attracted to each other by their innate bitchiness.

"Ryan Reynolds [the husband she’s divorcing] was too nice for her. Plus another thing Scarlett and Sean share: A total, deep-seated hatred for the media!"

I'm not sure what Scarlett finds in Sean, but I'm pretty sure I know what Sean finds in Scarlett: his dick. Sure, the two of them may have a few things in common like hatred for this country the media, but at the end of the day, the only thing Sean's interested in are Scarlett's tits. Those things are more mesmerizing than a mirror to Tyra Banks or recess to Roman Polanski.

*5 Sean Penn pictures total in the gallery:

Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars last Sunday

According to People, Scarlett Johansson went to Cabo San Lucas earlier this week for an overnight trip with Sean Penn (pic here). Wait, what? Really? Who knew the secret to getting into Scarlett's pants was to be a total commie asshole . . .

The pair left on a private jet from Van Nuys airport Tuesday morning, then were spotted having dinner in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, that night, according to sources. Early Wednesday morning, they returned to Los Angeles where Johansson is shooting the film We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon.

On the menu during their Mexican meal? Penn, 50 and Johansson, 26, reportedly enjoyed lobster and, of course, margaritas.

The trip would have been longer but apparently Scarlett realized that she was actually on vacation with Sean Penn.

*33 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:

"Casual Friday" at Jessica White's office

Sean Penn getting embarrassed and hot chicks fighting? It's the most perfect story in the world. From Radar:

Sports Illustrated model Jessica White was arrested over the weekend for assault but her lawyer gave RadarOnline.com the exclusive details behind the incident, revealing White was in the midst of celebrating her recent breakup from Sean Penn.

“Jessica was out with a bunch of friends celebrating her new single status,” her attorney Mark Jay Heller said. “She just ended her relationship with Sean Penn and was celebrating.”

According to reports, White allegedly hit a woman repeatedly in the face and pulled her hair. She was then arrested outside of New York’s Avenue Lounge. She was held in police custody for over 12 hours.

God I love chick fights -- even more when they involve supermodels. If I was the cop responding to this fight, I totally would have been fired.

Me: "Ma'am, are you trying to tell me that you pulled Jessica's hair and called her mom a whore?"

Chick #1: "Damn right I did that fucking bitch!"

Me: *turns to Jessica* "You're not just gonna take that, are you?"

*15 Jessica White pictures total in the gallery: