Recently in Sean Penn Category

Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn at the premiere of Milk in L.A. last year

In December 2007, Sean Penn filed divorce papers against his wife Robin Wright Penn. Four months later, he changed his mind. Last month, Sean filed divorce papers against his wife again. Today, he changed his mind again. Will these two just fucking go away already? From the New York Daily News:

Weeks after filing for legal separation from his wife of 13 years, Penn has withdrawn his motion, pulling the papers from California's Marin County Superior Court.

"It was an arrogant mistake," Penn told the Daily News.

The dramatic change of heart puts the ball in his wife's court. She has 30 days to respond to her husband's April 24 filing. A spokeswoman for the actress, who is a juror at the Cannes Film Festival in France, had no comment.

Clearly this is all Natalie Portman's fault. She hooked up with Sean and then humiliated him by publicly denying that the two were ever more than friends. That had to hurt. In other words, yeah, I think we owe her a fruit basket. Great job Natalie.

Natalie Portman at the Apple Store in New York (4/23)

Natalie Portman is fed up with the lies -- she's denying rumors that I don't have a huge cock. No, wait, that was my sexy imagination typing. She's actually denying rumors (here and here) that she hooked up with Sean Penn. She told Us Weekly:

"Sean Penn is a friend and colleague. The reports that we are romantically involved are completely untrue. I normally do not respond to rumors about my private life, however, this repeatedly fabricated story has forced me to do so."

Amazing that Natalie let this spread for so long before issuing a statement. If I was in her position, I would have been denying these rumors faster than that Ahmadinejad dude from Iran denies the Holocaust. I'd rather have people believe I fucked Al Roker than that commie Sean Penn.

Natalie Portman at the Venice Film Festival last year

Is Natalie Portman at the center of Sean Penn and his wife's recent split? Sure, why not. The two supposedly hooked up in March and, according to Star, they're still together:

"[Natalie] stimulates [Sean] in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally," says a source. "There's a lot more there with Natalie than any of the other girls Sean's been with."

It was Sean's indiscretion with Natalie that encouraged Robin, 43, to stop turning a blind eye to his philandering. "She was furious he was messing around with such a young star," says an insider.

Natalie stimulates Sean in ways no other person has? Either Natalie has an eight-inch tongue or she learned how to recite Chairman Mao's Little Red Book in a Cantonese accent. Frankly, the fact that Natalie's dating a strange guy that's older than her shouldn't really surprise those of us that have seen The Professional Beautiful Girls her last boyfriend.

Natalie Portman and Sean Penn at the Cannes Film Festival in 2008

Natalie Portman, 27, and Sean Penn, 48, were caught making out last week at the Sunset Tower Hotel's Tower Bar in West Hollywood. Wait, that can't be right. Sean's been married since 1996. Maybe Star can help clear up the confusion:

"They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms," an eyewitness tells Star. "They came back about 45 minutes later, and that's when I saw them making out. There's a door outside of the hotel's Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it's semi-private. I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that's when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves." (Source)

Rather than harp on how ugly and disgusting and dumb and gross and wrinkly and smelly Sean Penn is, I'd prefer to look at the bright side of this story. Before they were caught making out, Sean and Natalie were gone 45 minutes doing god knows what with each other. Well that's 45 minutes that Sean spent not talking about Karl Marx. I'd call that progress.

Sean Penn and his shiny new Oscar

So you know how Madonna's new boyfriend looks like he should be getting ready for Junior Prom in a few months? I guess I'm not the only one that has noticed. From UK tabloid The Sun:

Best Actor winner Sean Penn sniped at ex-wife Madonna when they met at an after-show party. Madonna, 50, praised 48-year-old Penn’s winning performance in Milk. But Penn gestured at the singer’s new love, model Jesus Luz, 22, and said: "Thanks. Another kid already?" (Source)

Oh Snap! Madonna got told. Getting called out like that must have made her feel so humiliated and -- who am I kidding? This is Madonna we're talking about here. You could crap on her chest on the fifty-yard-line in the middle of the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl and this chick would still feel no shame. If Sean had really wanted to get under Madonna's skin, he would have made her feel the one way that absolutely drives her crazy: ignored.

James Franco and Sean Penn in Milk

I mean really gets into them. I mean reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaally gets into them. Yes I'm talking about gay sex. From the New York Post:

James Franco says Sean Penn pushed the gay sex scenes in "Milk" further than he expected. "In the original script I read, there was only one real kissing scene," Franco tells next month's Elle. "A month after [director] Gus [Van Sant] asked me to do it, they sent me another script, and on Page 5 there was a full-on love scene. And I was like, 'Gus, what the heck?' He says, 'Well, it was Sean's idea.' " (Source)

Are we supposed to be surprised that a guy that used to be married to Madonna might actually like dudes? And what kind of revisions to the sex scene are we talking about here? If I wanted to see a film with graphic depictions of anal, I'd rent One Night in Paris. I just hope for the cinematic continuity of the film, Sean plays "the pitcher" . . . because it's probably hard to be a "top" when you aren't tall enough to see over the other guy's bottom.

Sean Penn and Hugo Chavez in Caracas (10/19)

For the second time in a little over a year, Sean Penn took a trip down to South America to hang out with America-hating Venezuelan "President" Hugo Chavez. From AP:

U.S. actor Sean Penn is visiting Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez — again. Venezuela's state-run news agency reports that Penn accompanied Chavez during the inspection of a natural gas pipeline on Sunday. Chavez has praised Penn for his criticism of the U.S. war in Iraq, but he did not mention Penn's visit during a televised address. Nor did state media broadcast images of the Oscar-winning actor. It was Penn's second meeting with Chavez. The actor also visited in August 2007, when he went as a freelance journalist. (Source)

Honestly Hugo, you can keep him. We all think he's an asshole anyways. I'll tell you what, let's make a trade: 1 Sean Penn, mint condition, for 1 Aída Yéspica. A guy with an Oscar for a chick with huge cans. I think that's more than fair.

[Flynet]

Sienna Miller broke up Sean Penn's marriage

It was probably Sienna Miller's fault that Sean Penn and his wife of 20 years, Robin Wright Penn, are divorcing. You see, Sienna's a whore and Sean loves whores. A source told the New York Daily News about a recent party both attended:

"Sienna was sitting on Sean's lap. She was dressed very sexily. She had her arm around his neck." That night, claims the source, they stayed up quite late. One Penn friend maintains there was never anything romantic between them. "Sienna is like that with everyone," says the friend. "She's very physical. She drapes herself over people she likes. She doesn't mean a lot by it." (Source)

Weird. Hot blondes sit on my lap and "drape themselves" over me all the time when I visit "Tits and Giggles", and it's never hurt my relationship. Sure when I'm at cocktail parties I sometimes shove $1 bills down random women's dresses and I love glitter more than a 27-year-old male probably should, but what connoisseur of strippers doesn't? . . . Did I mention the smell of coco butter tends to give me wood?

Bauer-Griffin

Actor Sean Penn had a face-to-face meeting with dictator Hugo Chavez last week. In a nationally televised speech the anti-American leader of Venezuela heaped praise on Penn for his vociferous protest against the Iraq war. Chavez said:

"What moves [Sean] is his conscience. He's one of the greatest opponents of the Iraq invasion ... He's well informed about what goes on in the United States despite being in Hollywood." Chavez, who's closing down newspapers and TV stations that criticize his policies, said he chatted with Penn by phone Wednesday and they agreed to meet in Caracas [on Thursday]. Chavez read part of Penn's open letter to the White House in which Penn described Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as "criminally obscene people." Penn wisely did not speak in public. (Source)

He's "moved by his conscience"...? Considering how full of shit Sean Penn is, the only "movement" he should be having is in his bowels. If he really wants to be a Communist, I'm sure Venezuela, North Korea, or somewhere more "Communisty" would love to have him. He just has to leave all of his worldly possessions behind--except the crabs and syphilis (Thanks a lot Madonna!).

Rapper/actress Eve was arrested for DUI early this morning after she crashed her gold Maserati into a center divider on Hollywood Boulevard. According to TMZ, Eve was "visibly upset" as she was handcuffed and led into a squad car (Editors Note: NO SHIT). Around 4:00 AM Sean Penn showed up to the police station to make sure Eve was OK. Wait, Sean Penn?

Hard time couldn't have been that bad for just-busted rapper Eve -- TMZ has learned that she got an early morning celebrity visit from Oscar-winning actor Sean Penn! Police sources said, "He came to see how Eve was doing." (Source)

I guess the obvious question here is how and why a 46-year-old Oscar winning actor is friends with a 28-year-old hip hop artist. That's just odd. What's also odd is that no clothing company has seen fit to design a line of evening wear specially tailored for men with huge upper bodies. Sometimes--when I note that lack of dinner jackets in my closet--I almost wish I wasn't born with such incredible strength. But then I flex in the mirror and those thoughts are tossed aside. God I'm sexy. And modest. "Sexily modest" if you will.