Scott Disick

Kourtney Kardashian shopping in Beverly Hills (5/2)

I know this may shock and surprise you, but another one of the Kardashians is trying to profit on her wedding and has already signed a deal with E!. Wow, a lucrative, contract wedding. It's the thing every little girl dreams of. From In Touch Weekly:

In Touch has learned [Kourtney Kardashian] has selected Casa Aramara — the stunning estate on the outskirts of Puerta Vallarta, owned by Kardashian pal Joe Francis — as the venue for her wedding to Scott [Disick]. "Her family has been friends with Joe or so long," the friend adds. "Kourtney has always considered Joe's home a place where she can really relax."

Of course, Kourtney's reasons for marrying Scott, 28, aren't entirely romantic. "They signed a $1 million deal with E! to get married on TV," an insider reveals to In Touch, who adds that the couple will be announcing their engagement "in an orchestrated, well-publicized manner" to ensure they get as many viewers as possible. Both ambitious, the pair is excited to be raking in this type of money — and that's doing a lot to alleviate the stress between them.

Wait, I know what you're thinking and you're wrong. This time, a Kardashian will have an elegant, classy wedding that will make William and Kate's look like a German shizer film. Aw shit, who am I kidding? The Kardashians would probably star in a German shizer film if you payed them enough, so don't expect a subtle event from this pack of savages. I will tell you that I can't wait to hear Kourtney's wedding vows. It will be only the third time in the history of the world that the words "ass to mouth" will be spoken in a wedding. The first two times of course were said for both of Kim's sham marriages. Khloe choked when it was her turn, In my humble opinion

*17 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kourtney Kardashian leaving Aldik Home in Van Nuys (11/29)

In what's surely another ploy by the family to gain attention, Kourtney Kardashian revealed today that she's nine weeks pregnant with her second bastard child. Jesus, at least hold off on the announcement until the kid has a fully formed head. From Us Weekly:

The E! reality star, 32, took a pregnancy test about five weeks ago -- and woke up Disick, 28 (not a morning person!), around 7.a.m. to tell him the positive results.

"Now I'm nine weeks along," Kardashian tells Us. "You're supposed to wait 12 weeks to tell people, but I feel confident."

The son or daughter-to-be will be the second child for the couple of five years, whose son Mason, nearly 2, was a bit of a surprise. Not so much for baby number two, the happy couple tells Us.

"It wasn't like we weren't trying," Disick, 28, says. "We kind of just said, 'If it's meant to be, it'll be.'"

"It wasn't like we were trying" -- oh STFU. If you're having sex without a condom, you're trying to get pregnant. "I wasn't trying to get into an accident -- I was just driving down the wrong side of the freeway, and whatever happened, happened."

As for what's truly important to the Kardashians, Ford is currently in negotiations to buy the naming rights for Kourtney's pregnancy. "Kourtney Kardashian's First Trimester, brought to you by the all new Mustang" has a really nice ring to it.

*31 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Kourtney Kardashian, Kristin Cavallari, and Kim Kardashian in Miami in 2008

It was revealed earlier this week that Kristin Cavallari allegedly hooked up with Kourtney Kardashian's boyfriend Scott Disick a few years ago, which has caused a rift between Kristin and the Kardashian sisters (they call her a "whore bag"). Judging by what Kristin told Billy Bush on Wednesday, the Kardashians made everything up for publicity (shock!):

"It's 100 percent not true. I just think, what convenient timing for them with their show premiering next week. With everything that's going on for Kim, I feel like they're trying to take the heat off her. When there's a big story like that, they always call you and ask if you want to comment and clearly none of them denied it. It's disrespectful to me and [my boyfriend] Jay [Cutler], and I think it just says a lot about their character."

Ah, the old "deflection" trick. Try to stir up controversy somewhere else to distract from the real issue. It sounds like the Kardashians have been getting their PR gimmicks straight from Wag the Dog. If this whole selling out to the highest bidder thing ends up not working out for the sisters, I'm pretty sure they'll be able to land squarely on their knees feet -- in Washington D.C.

*25 Kourtney, Kristin, and Kim pictures total in the gallery:

Kristin Cavallari shopping at The Grove in Hollywood (11/8)

According to Life & Style, Kourtney Kardashian has banned her boyfriend/baby-daddy Scott Disick from tapings of Dancing with the Stars (her brother Rob is one of the three finalists). So what, does she have something against the Jive or Quickstep? No actually, he banged one of the other contestants. From Life & Style:

In the new issue, on newsstands now, sources reveal to Life & Style that Scott had an affair with Kristin Cavallari, a DWTS contestant until being eliminated in early October and newly single at the time, just before Kourtney became pregnant with her and Scott's child.

"While Kourtney and Scott were on a break, Scott hooked up with Kristin," a friend reveals to Life & Style.

So when both Rob and Kristin were confirmed as contestants on DWTS, "Scott and Kourtney argued about Kristin," a friend confirms. "Kourtney can't stand her now and didn't want Scott at show tapings."

A Kardashian pal confirms that "Scott and Kristin hooked up in Las Vegas during a time [February 2009] that he was on a break from Kourtney ... Kourtney was furious. She and her sisters have called Kristin 'the whore bag' ever since."

I can certainly understand why all the Kardashian sisters are upset about Kristin's dalliance with Scott. When you carry yourself with the utmost amount of class and dignity, you expect to be treated the same in retur-- LOL! I was almost able to type that without laughing.

*25 Kristin Cavallari pictures total in the gallery:

Scott Disick, his boner, and Kourtney Kardashian out and about in New York (9/5)

Question: How excited is Scott Disick to see the paparazzi?

Answer: VERY excited.

*7 Scott Disick pictures total in the gallery:

Kourtney Kardashian arriving at LAX airport for a flight (8/29)

It's been nearly two weeks since a Kardashian had a lavish and profitable wedding, so naturally Mama Kardashian is getting a little antsy. Naturally. I mean, what good are kids if you can't exploit them for fun and profit? It's the American way. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Just when the celebrity world has got over one Kardashian wedding, it looks like another one is looming! There’s word that Kourtney Kardashian and her baby daddy Scott Disick are working with their reality show producers to coordinate the date, the time and the details for their nuptials — which reportedly will net that couple almost as much $$$ as Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries scooped up for their big day.

Of course Kourtney and the producers of the show are planning to "coordinate the time, the date and the details of the nuptials" -- they want it to coincide with the seasons a sentimental time in their family's lives the biggest payday. Frankly, with all of the money Kourtney and Scott are going to be raking in from this event, they shouldn't even call it a wedding. They should call it a retirement party. No, seriously, can you guys please retire? Preferably to a small island in the South Pacific. Without electricity.

*20 Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Scott Disick leaving The Commons in Calabasas (2/11)

Scott Disick -- aka the douche who knocked up the hot Kardashian sister Kourtney -- allegedly made $15,000 from The Chelsea Room in New York last year by getting Kim Kardashian to party there. Damn, I wonder what Kim bought with her half of the money? Oh wait, Scott never told her about the deal. You dick. From the New York Post:

E! producers require that each venue sign a contract stating that no money was exchanged for an appearance or filming there. But Disick arranged a payment from the club beneath the Chelsea Hotel through a quiet deal where he was compensated in cash to bring press-popular Kim. The event last November was a launch party for Amidren: High-T, a male performance-enhancement drug that Disick has been hawking. He promised the club that in addition to an appearance by Kim, the event would be featured on the E! show. The episode aired last month.

But, "Kim had no clue that Scott was promoting her for appearances and making money" on it, a source said. Another source told us, "He doesn't see anything wrong. He thinks he is being a businessman. There's no way he's doing anything for free."

Secretive deals? Women being unwittingly exploited? Cash exchanged under the table? If this whole unemployed houseboy thing doesn't work out, Scott might just have the experience to work in the casting department at MTV. The fact that Scott was taking advantage of these women shouldn't be surprising though -- the only way this guy could be any more slimy and disgusting is if he was Lindsay Lohan's underwear after an Indigo Girls' concert. 

*15 Scott Disick pictures total in the gallery:

Scott Disick leaving Barnes & Noble in Calabasas (1/23)

Yes, that's Kourtney Kardashian's douchebag of a boyfriend Scott Disick getting into his $400,000 Lamborghini Murcielago. I will now go beat my head against the wall.

*15 Scott Disick Lamborghini pictures total in the gallery:

Scott, Kourtney, and their money-making bundle of joy

Meant to get to this charming story last week but, well, things popped up ... *does drinking motion with thumb and pinky* ... From the New York Post:

Scott Disick was trying to cash in on his 1-year-old son, Mason, according to a report. Kourtney Kardashian's charming baby daddy tried to haggle $5,000 an episode for little Mason to appear on "Kourtney & Kim Take New York." Us Weekly says, "E! offered $1,000, but he played hardball. E! was like, 'Are you out of your mind?' " Another insider told the magazine, "He bungled negotiations, so you won't see Mason at all."

Why is anyone surprised by this? Pimping out your children for financial profit is a right of passage in Hollywood. If Mason does eventually wind up on TV, Scott and Kourtney better not be surprised if he grows up to be like most child stars, becoming a sexually-promiscuous simpleton who will do anything for attention his aunt Kim.

*15 Scott Disick and Kourtney Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:

Scott Disick out and about in Beverly Hills (12/1)

Paparazzi in tow (of course), Kourtney Kardashian's douche of a boyfriend Scott Disick gave a homeless man 100 bucks the other day. Wow, that is way nicer than what I normally do to homeless men: drop them off in the middle of my game preserve and hunt them for sport. If they make it out, I give them 50 bucks . . . I HAVE YET TO PAY.

*22 Scott Disick pictures total in the gallery: