Scientology

Lindsay Lohan converting to Scientology?

Like stink to shit or Nick Nolte to a yard sale, Scientologists are all over Lindsay Lohan. Because why wouldn't you want to take advantage of someone when they've hit rock bottom? From IUC:

Once she gets out of the pokey (ed. note: now, 90 days in rehab) look for Lindsay Lohan to accumulate better karma by becoming the newest celebrity Scientologist. This according to a high ranking member who has met with Lilo: “Lindsay is ready to join Scientology once she gets out of jail,” the source said. “For months she’s expressed interest in Scientology. Scientology will welcome her. Hopefully she can turn her life around here and realize her enlightenment with Scientology.”

Considering the fact that Scientology is a "religion" that preys on the incompetent and feeble-minded, it's actually quite a surprise that Lindsay didn't join years ago. If Lindsay's hoping her acting career will soar as a member of Scientology, she better have a talk with Kirstie Alley. The only "rolls" she's getting nowadays have butter on them.

*25 pictures total in the gallery:

Tom Cruise, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith leaving a Scientology meeting

Will Smith and his wife Jada Pinkett Smith were seen leaving a meeting with Tom Cruise Monday afternoon at Saddle Ranch steak house in West Hollywood, once again fueling speculation that, much like Jim Carrey, he's crossed over to the Scientology dark side (see here, here, here, and here). Not that there's anything wrong with that. Plenty of people believe in what Scientology founder/science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard believed in (e.g. intergalactic spacecraft, extraterrestrial civilizations, and alien interventions). They're called 7-year-olds.

*15 photos total in the gallery:

Jim Carrey crossed over to the dark side

If random internet speculation is to be believed -- and really, why shouldn't it be? -- Jim Carrey is a Scientologist. From Hollywood, Interrupted:

CALL ME CRAZY: JIM CARREY OUTS SELF AS SCIENTOLOGIST! In one ill-advised Twitter thread (pics here and here), former funny-man Jim Carrey explains his cosmic drift into cult-induced irrelevance. (note: Carrey’s anti-pharmaceutical ranting and use of the tell-tale Scientology catch-phrase, “suppressive types.”

Sure it's possible Jim Carrey might be a Scientologist. But here's a more reasonable theory: HE'S FUCKING INSANE. I mean, just look at him. Tell me that's the face of somebody you'd leave your kids alone with for ten minutes. I wouldn't even leave my microwave alone with him.

*7 pics total in the gallery:

Could you be any freakier, Tom?

Us Weekly had a spy or something at a huge Scientology rally that went down last Friday in London and there report is about as freaky as you'd expect:

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and daughter Suri reunited with John Travolta and wife Kelly Preston -- plus over 4000 other Scientologists -- at a massive party in England on Oct. 16, Usmagazine.com has confirmed.

The stars were surprise guests at the 25th anniversary of the International Association of Scientologists held at Saint Hill Manor in East Grinsted, West Sussex. During nearly two hours of speeches, Cruise, 47, briefly addressed the rapturous, fist-pumping crowd: "Because we never took our eyes off the ultimate prize, we stand where we are today," he intoned, witnesses tells Us. "We are in this together!"

When a choir took to the stage, the Cruise-Holmes family stood up with the rest of the audience. "Tom was swaying and looked like he was in heaven," an attendee tells Us.  "He was really, really into it. Katie was next to him doing her best to look as enthusiastic. She was clapping along with the song, but was totally out of sync. Suri was standing by, looking a little bemused in a cute little party dress."

After the rally, Cruise and a group of his fellow Scientologists assembled in the local town square where they burned hundreds of books that didn't correspond with Scientology ideology. Oh wait, that was the Nazis in 1933. My bad. I always get those two groups confused.

Later, during a reception, Cruise was overheard chatting with another American man about the protesters outside the venue. "They're squirrels," Cruise said angrily, according to a witness. "Stuck in an electronic incident. It makes me so angry!"

Boy if I had a nickel for every time I've been stuck in an electronic incident . . .