Scarlett Johansson is pregnant
With a rack like that, it's almost a miracle it took Scarlett Johansson 29 years to get pregnant. But multiple sources are claiming she finally is, thanks to the handy work of her fiance Romain Dauriac. From TMZ
Sources close to Scarlett and fiance Romain Dauriac tell TMZ, the "Her" actress is roughly 5 months pregnant. The 29-year-old Johansson got engaged to Dauriac -- a French journalist -- last September, but Johansson's in no rush to get married.
Five months? So that means I only have four more months to make creepy pregnancy boob jokes? Dammit, I feel so cheated . . . speaking of which, you know who's definitely not gonna feel cheated? Scarlett's baby come meal time. Sorry, couldn't resist.*25 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson at the Rome Film Festival last year
Jack Antonof went from dating Scarlett Johansson to dating Lena Dunham. The fuck? That's like going from steak to Spam. How does his penis live with itself? From Page Six
"The craziest thing that ever happen to me, was like, [Tumblr blog ] Old Loves is my passion, I check it, like, once a week," she said. "It's how I kick back on a Friday night is to see what Old Loves has done. And I was going through it and I saw my boyfriend and his girlfriend from high school. Scarlett Johansson. I know I shouldn't spill that in a public forum, but you can Google it."
Jack Antonoff, 29, dated Johansnson, who is the same age, for a year when they were 17, while they were attending the Professional Children's School in New York City. Dunham said she had no issue with the fact that the pair used to date.
"I'm not jealous. It's very sweet. I love looking at pictures of them," she said. "She's beautiful, he's beautiful, but it was just so surreal to be looking through this blog that gives me so much pleasure and then there's my boyfriend. And I was like, "My mind is going to explode. I really did think I was hallucinating. It would be like seeing my parents."
"I'm not jealous" - Lena Dunham, jealous bitch.
Oh, boy. Lena's head must be spinning right now. On one hand, she knows that her boyfriend, Waldo McPoser, has done far, far, far better than herself. On the other hand, Lena can continue to masturbate to Scarlett without feeling so guilty about it anymore. The real winner in this story is Jack. The fact that Jackie can maintain an erection for Lena when he use to ease into a young Scarlett Johansson is either a testament to his virility, or proof positive that ScarJo can burn an impression into any man's mind.
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Scarlett Johansson outside the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York before her appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman
*30 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of Don Jon in New York
Scarlett Johansson admits in the new Marie Claire
that she's down for a little porn. Sweet, so she got that German scheisse film I sent her? Via the Daily Mail
The 28-year-old actress, who is engaged to Romain Dauriac, said: "I think porn, like anything else, can be enjoyed. It can be productive for both men and women."
However, Scarlett did acknowledge that there should be a limit to how much it's watched. Referring to the lead character Jon in her new movie Don Jon, Scarlett said: "If I found out my boyfriend watched that much porn I would be totally flabbergasted, for sure."
Let it be written that 2013 has become Scarlett's long overdue comeback year. Not only has she kept her high beams
on for months, but now we find out that she churns stink butter to the sight of dirty whores getting pounded by freakishly large interracial battering rams . . . well, at least that's the way that I'm seeing it. That Romain Dauriac character should be rewarded for straightening out Scarlett the way he did. I don't know if he should get a Nobel Peace Prize or an Amazon.com gift card, but the man deserves rewards and accolades for his efforts. You know what? Gift card. We'll go with the gift card.*30 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson in the October issue of Interview magazine
+ Arianny Celeste has a professional boob lotion rubber [Hollywood Tuna
+ When did Kelly Osbourne get tits like that? [The Superficial
+ You can afford nothing in the Neiman Marcus Christmas book [Celebuzz
+ Miley Cyrus' porn offer [IDLYITW
+ Cameron Russell in lingerie [Drunken Stepfather
+ Hayden Panettiere in leather pants [Popoholic
+ 5 Hottest at the Scottish Fashion Awards [moejackson
+ Hottest workplace training video girl EVER [Guyism
+ The whores are hitting the pumpkin patch early this year [Dlisted
+ Presenting the beautiful Ashleigh [Caveman Circus
+ Just a bunch of naked pin up girls wearing nothing but milk [Brobible
+ Awww, look at Justin Bieber's baby abs [popbytes
+ Sarah Jessica Parker is not hot [Yeeeah!
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Scarlett Johansson named the Sexiest Woman Alive
For the second time in seven years, Esquire
has named Scarlett Johansson the Sexiest Woman Alive. Congrats, your fruit basket is in the mail. Scarlett told the magazine:
"I'm the only woman to win twice right? You know, I gotta hustle. I'm a 28-year-old woman in the movie business, right? Pretty soon the roles you're offered all become mothers. Then they just sort of stop. I have to hedge against that with work-theater, producing; this thing with Esquire."
I'm confused. I thought Maxim
already decided for all of us that, despite outward appearances, Miley Cyrus is the hottest woman in the world? And now an actual attractive person like Scarlett is trying to claim the title? I think the only way to settle this is to have the two fight to the death. But Scarlett gets a weapon. Something shooty or stabby.
*10 Scarlett JJohansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt at the premiere of Don Jon during the Toronto International Film Festival
Joseph Gordon-Levitt admits to the new issue of Men's Health that the only reason he cast Scarlett Johansson in his new film Don Jon
is because of her bubbly personality. I'm just kidding, it's because he wants to bang her:
"I didn't know Scarlett, but I spent more than a year with the image of her in my head playing this character. She couldn't not do this. Look, Scarlett is a gorgeous, gorgeous woman, but if you just compare purely physical features, plenty of girls are just as gorgeous. But she creates this extra something. It's in her walk, her eye contact. The total package is just off the charts."
"...plenty of girls are gorgeous. But she creates this extra something..."
Tits, it's the tits, stupid. Go ahead and say what we're all thinking, Joey. Scarlett has been busting out the big guns with a vengeance
lately so I don't blame him for wanting to motorboat her. It's not as if every single red-blooded American male who's seen those twins hasn't filled a tube sock or two with DNA evidence in their honor. Ever since Scarlett released the greatest NSFW selfies
of all time, she's been keeping those sweet, sweet knockers in witness protection -- it's only natural that Joe completely lost his shit due to their recent exposure. If there was ever a set of knockers that could turn a flaming homosexual straight, it's Scarlett's. True Story: Osama Bin Laden used to get bullied worse than Kurt on Glee
until he saw Lost in Translation
*30 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson and her fiance Romain Dauriac at the Venice Film Festival
Scarlett Johannson is officially engaged. The actress' rep confirmed the news yesterday after she was spotted wearing a huge diamond ring at the Venice Film Festival. The lucky man is French ad exec Romain Dauriac, who's been tapping that ass since last year. All of us here at Celebslam would like to congratulate Scarlett and Romain and wish them a marriage twice as successful as Scarlett's last one
. So I guess that would be four years.
*20 Scarlett Johansson and Romain Dauriac pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of Under the Skin at the 70th Venice Film Festival in Italy
"Oh yeah, I have huge breasts," Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of Under the Skin
last night in Venice.
Welcome back to reality, Scarlett. We've missed you these past few years.*30 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery:
Scarlett Johansson arriving to the 70th Venice International Film Festival in Italy (9/3)*20 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery: