INFDaily.com
If you have a penis you can go ahead and skip this story. Sex and the City: The Movie spoilers courtesy of the New York Post:
Mr. Big and Carrie definitely tie the knot - and it's no small-time affair. Cast and crew are shooting today from early morning until 9 p.m. at St. Patrick's Cathedral, where the wedding takes place. Carrie and her gal pals will be wearing jewels borrowed from H. Stern. Sarah Jessica Parker even gets a congrats written into the script: "Mazel Tov! I read it in Page Six," reports a woman who played a well-wisher during filming yesterday. (Source)
Sarah Jessica Parker is like 60, right? I thought once women hit that age wealthy guys traded them in for a younger model? I mean, c'mon, it's as American as apple pie and Imperialism. On a completely unrelated side note, how many times a day do you think Matthew Broderick contemplates suicide?
Splash News
Those feet belong to Sarah Jessica Parker (in New York over the weekend filming the new Sex and the City movie). It's too bad the years have had their way with her body. My great grandpa's dad tells me she was quite the looker back in the Roaring 20s.
NOTE: Her hands are worse
Splash News
Is Sarah Jessica Parker trying to promote her new perfume or catch flies? WTF? It's not like some intrepid photographer caught Sarah at a bad moment either--check out the other pics. She looks like my grandma after she went down to Mexico for that facelift.
Sarah Jessica Parker is going into the fashion business. The former star of Sex in the City revealed some of the details of her new Bitten line during a private lunch for fashion editors and New York's swanky Indochine eatery Tuesday. From the New York Post:
Our source says Parker plans to sell the line to Steve & Barry's - a low-priced chain with a store in Manhattan Mall - for somewhere between $1 million and $5 million. The label will include jeans, lingerie, casual wear and accessories priced from $7.98 to $14.98. (Source)
I wonder if this company needs investors. Because if I know anything about women it's that they love two things in this world: repeated remarks about how attractive you think their mom and baby sister are; and sub-$10 lingerie. You see, buying cheap lingerie leaves more money to spend on aprons and cleaning supplies.
What the hell? Are these things even real? They look like something you'd find stumbling around a haunted house. Don't go in that room, dude, Sarah Jessica Parker's hands are in there--they'll haunt your soul.
According to The National Enquirer's Mike Walker, Sarah Jessica Parker has it written into every contract that "no matter where in the world she's filming, the New York Times must be delivered to her door daily...no matter what the cost." The only reason I mention this boring story is because Walker also wrote that Barbra Streisand used to demand that flower petals be scattered into the toilet bowls at the hotels she was stayed at when she toured. That's right folks--flower petals into the toilet. I learned in health class that the only thing that should ever be put into a toilet is human waste, and maybe torn up love letters from my ex-girlfriend. Will I ever be able to love again? My mind says yes, but my heart keeps telling me no. Coincidentally, the judge that issued the restraining order also said no. Dickhead
