Recently in Samantha Ronson Category

Samantha Ronson and Wilmer Valderrama leaving the Chateau Marmont hotel in Hollywood (11/2)

Do you think these two swap war stories about dating Lindsay Lohan whenever they see each other?

Wilmer: "By the time we broke up, I could easily fit a grapefruit up Lindsay. It was really something. She's a total circus freak."

Samantha: "Wow that must have been a long long time ago. A few weeks ago, I actually slept in her vagina."

ALTERNATE HEADLINE: "Pictured: One of the biggest cocks Lindsay Lohan has ever slept with and Wilmer Valderrama"

Samantha Ronson at the Charlotte Ronson Fashion Show at Fashion Week in New York (9/11)

+ Holly Madison will do pretty much anything for cash [The Superficial]

+ Megan Fox likes to eat girls. Wait, what? [IDLYITW]
+ Sophie Monk. In spandex. [Drunken Stepfather]
+ I would dance with Charlize any day of the week [OK! Magazine]
+ How to completely humiliate yourself in public [Holy Taco]

+ Jamie Lynn Spears at her most jailbaitiness [College Humor]
+ Kanye's girlfriend gets nude for Complex magazine [Hollywood Tuna]
+ Eva LaRue is proud of her tits [moejackson]
+ When did Hilary Duff get cleavage? [Popoholic]
+ A little something for the ladies [I'm Not Obsessed]

+ Animals humping other animals. Funny. [CityRag]
+ Kelly Osbourne talks drug abuse [A Socialite's Life]
+ Paula Abdul mocks Ellen Degeneres on VH1 [Yeeeah!]
+ Amy Winehouse attempting a comeback? [popbytes]

Lindsay Lohan leaving her hotel in New York (9/10)

Lindsay Lohan was kicked out of her hotel last night after getting into an epic fight with a door. Is a fourth trip to rehab right around the corner? Sure, why not. From Hollyscoop:

Inside sources tell Hollyscoop that Lindsay Lohan was kicked out of the Bowery Hotel in New York City last night after a blow-up fight with Samantha Ronson. Police were called to the scene after Lindsay reportedly "threw a room-service tray at what she thought was her girlfriend's door" during a heated fight. The only problem was…she threw that tray at the wrong door. As a result Lindsay was kicked out of the posh hotel, with authorities escorting her off the premises.

The same source claims Lindsay’s friends and family are planning on staging an intervention to get her back in rehab for the fourth time!

I'm sitting here at my desk absolutely shocked -- no, stunned -- I just, I never, I mean, I, I, I'm blown away, I am blown away . . . Lindsay Lohan can afford room service!

Lindsay Lohan leaving the Arcade Store in West Hollywood (8/10)

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson were acting hot and heavy over the weekend in Chicago awww who the fuck cares. From the Chicago Sun Times:

Lindsay and Sam sat side-by-side throughout [Samantha's birthday dinner at Hub 51], occasionally leaving the table for smoke breaks and to steal kisses outside.

"They kept smiling at each other and holding hands," a source tells Star. "It was very sweet. Not only did Lindsay make a toast to Sam, but because Lindsay was so caught up in the moment, she Twittered a special message to Sam to let her know how happy she was.” The lovebirds capped off the meal with Martha's Carrot Cake, and Lindsay went nuts with the whipped cream, licking it off her fingers. “I love it on everything!” she said.

Following dinner, the group headed to Crimson Lounge, where Sam had a deejay gig from 10:30pm-1:30am and Lindsay watched from a nearby booth.

“Whatever happened during their separation did wonders because Sam and Lindsay were completely different people,” the source continues Star. “Not only were they totally at ease with one another, but this was the first time Lindsay wasn’t constantly clinging to Sam while Sam was working. As for Lindsay, this was the first time I have seen her calm and not freak out the second Sam goes into the DJ booth. It was like Lindsay felt secure with their relationship, so she let Sam do her thing.”

I guess the old adage is true: absence does make the fist grow fonder. The fact that Lindsay licked whipped cream off Sam's finger might have been sexy if Sam's finger hadn't been tickling Lindsay's spleen just a few hours prior . . . and if the thought of Sam turning Lindsay into a hand puppet didn't make my stomach turn. For those of you wondering what it looks like when Lindsay and Sam have sex, here's a re-enactment.

Vanessa Minnillo leaving The Wiltern Theater in LA (6/1)

In their latest issue, the National Enquirer implies that Sam Ronson and the newly-single Vanessa Minnillo may be scissoring each other:

Former Lindsay Lohan galpal Samantha Ronson deejayed the Reebok Easy Tone Footwear Celebration party held at a private Beverly Hills estate on June 23 and was seen chatting for a long time with newly single Vanessa Minnillo. Hmmmm...

It's a well known fact that the way to seduce a young Hollywood starlet is with either money, looks, or power. Since Sam has none of those qualities, there can be only one explanation for her recent success with some of Tinseltown's hottest ass (of course I'm talking about the 2006 version of Lindsay Lohan): incredibly long fingers a tongue like a snake wizardry. Don't believe me? Just ask her how many goals she scored in last week's Quidditch game.*

*Oh my God! The new Harry Potter movie premieres tomorrow!!! *squeals*

Lindsay Lohan leaving a beauty supply store in Hollywood (7/8)

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson called a locksmith (who was probably enjoying dinner with his wife and kids before being interrupted) to Sam's house a few nights ago after being locked out. And then stiffed him. Bitches. From TMZ:

As the locksmith did his thing, Lindsay found an open window and told the locksmith he could stop. The locksmith asked for his $39 fee, but Lindsay refused, offering $20 instead. The locksmith tells us, Sam then told him to move his car away from the property. He obliged, but when he came back, Lindsay and Sam had locked themselves in the house and didn't pay him a penny.

Of course Lindsay didn't cough up the dough, she's broke. Besides, she doesn't usually pay for services rendered with money -- she pays with her mouth. The fact that Lindsay was able to break into the four sided structure so easily shouldn't really surprise anyone though -- it wasn't the first time she's forced her way into Sam's box.

Lindsay Lohan is pitiful

Lindsay Lohan set a new personal record low outside Sam Ronson's house Friday morning. For those of you keeping score, Lindsay's rock bottom has now reached a depth of 984 feet. Go Lindsay! Pacific Coast News says:

A distressed Lindsay Lohan is finally let into ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson's home at 3am. The troubled young actress had reportedly been in tears in her car as she waited outside the property for the DJ to return home. Samantha made Lindsay wait for a while on her doorstep before finally relenting and letting her in.

In other news, Sam Ronson's front door kinda sorta looks like a vagina. No wonder Lindsay wants in so bad. Must be like lesbian Disneyland in there.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson arriving back to Sam's house in the Hollywood Hills (6/11)

Lindsay Lohan got dumped again. The split happened Monday night after Ronson had dinner with the Palestine to Lindsay's Israel Nicole Richie. From E! Online:

"Nicole refuses even to be in the same room as Lindsay," says a source, noting that just last week Nicole invited Sam to a mutual friend's birthday party at Bar Marmont with the stipulation that she not bring Lindsay. "Sam went to the party, and it really upset Lindsay," says the source.

After Sam had dinner with Nicole at Izakaya last night, a source says she gave Linds the kiss-off.

You can't really blame Nicole for meddling in other people's affairs. She has a lot of free time on her hands since she DOESN'T DO ANYTHING AT ALL WHATSOEVER. Regardless of how Nicole feels, I think Sam will ultimately see that she made a mistake and not just get back together with Lindsay, but marry her. When you have a chance to lock up a sexually-confused, potentially-insane, unemployed alcoholic, you do it. Because you are not getting a second chance. It's not like that type of chick grows on trees. In gutters and strip club dressing rooms maybe, but not on trees.

Lindsay Lohan leaving Sam Ronson's house in the Hollywood Hills (6/11)

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have taken their newly-repaired relationship to the next level and are now wearing parts of each other's body around their respective necks. Gee, how romantic. From the Chicago Sun Times:

If anyone cares: Frequent Chicago-visiting DJ Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan are quietly back together -- wearing locks of each other's hair in leather lockets around their necks.

Who wants to guess where that hair came from? Fine, I'll go first: their nether-regions armpits knuckles. I'm actually a little surprised Lindsay and Sam aren't wearing little vials of each other's blood around their neck (a la Angelina and Billy Bob) . . . especially since they're probably both on the same cycle. Wow that was disgusting. Either way, it's nice to see these two were able to fist and make up.

Lindsay wants to marry Sam

Since Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have seemingly reconciled (see here and here), you knew it was only a matter of time until the marriage rumors started again. Lindsay supposedly wants to convert to Judaism to "please" Sam's family -- yes, the same family that tried to take out a restraining order against her. An insider told the National Enquirer:

"Lindsay says Sam’s promised she’ll persuade her family to accept this, and they won’t wait to see if California changes their gay marriage legislation, but will travel to one of the states where it is legal to say their I do’s."

Converting to Judaism might actually be a blessing for a pseudo lesbian like Lindsay. As a Kosher Jew, she'll finally be able to put an end to all of her "porking". Of course, under Judaic tradition one of these two will have to crush a glass once the wedding ceremony has been concluded. My suggestion: Lindsay should do it -- she seems to know a thing or two about smashing things.