Salma Hayek at the "Rock the Kasbah" gala in Hollywood (10/23)
Outside of bumping into you at a ski resort, if I ever catch you wearing an outfit that covers 97% of your body again, I will punch you in the face. Christ, at least give me a little ankle. Trust me, I can beat off to that.
[Flynet]
Salma Hayek nip slip!
Good news for those of you that have always wanted to see a tiny sliver of Salma Hayek's nipple. Salma appeared on the German TV program Wetten Dass over the weekend wearing a one-size-too-small dirndl. The Daily Mail says she lost a bet with an audience member and was forced to don the classic German outfit. Good job horny German guy in audience! You know that whole World War II, millions dead, half of Europe leveled thing? We're cool.
[WENN]
Salma Hayek at 2008 Crystal + Lucy Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel (6/17)
Salma, when God has blessed you with such, ahem, talents, dressing up like a modest Quaker is tantamount to slapping him in the face. Do you want to slap him in the face Salma? Luckily, God speaks to me when I take more than four Vicodin at a time and he told me you can do penance to make up for your sins . . . and by penance he means "recreate the opening scene of Baywatch wearing only body paint." It's true, he told me.
[Flynet]
Salma Hayek
Salma Hayek at "Global Green USA's 5th Annual Awards Season Celebration" in Hollywood
Salma Hayek's personal photos stolen
I really, really, really, really hope Salma Hayek is as fond of digital video as Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Pam Anderson. The New York Post says:
The new mom, who gave birth to daughter Valentina Paloma Pinault in September, reported the computer's theft during a recent trip abroad. Included on the hard drive are thought to be personal photos of the sexy Oscar-nominated actress with friends, family, and of course, baby Valentina. Salma is desperate to get the computer back and worried that the images could fall into the wrong hands. Police are investigating. (Source)
I've lit candles during liturgy, attended Church on Sundays, and said 1000 Hail Mary's every night just to see Salma's rack. God must have finally heard my prayers! Or maybe it was the fact that I pledged my first born. Either way, it'll be worth it! Now, if there is any justice in the universe, a sex tape of Salma, Penelope Cruz and this chick will be released just in time to be my "date" for Valentine's Day.
PICS: Salma at the premiere of Ask the Dust in 2006
Is it just me or did Salma Hayek gain some weight recently? Compare how she looks here to how smoking hot she looks in these pictures from Bandidas. On the bright side, her breasts are still outrageously huge. If she pulled her top down, I'm sure you'd see the words "Spalding" and "National Basketball Association" printed on them somewhere.
More of Salma after the jump...
Salma Hayek
Salma Hayek at a press conference for her television show Ugly Betty
Here's some pictures of Salma Hayek from her new TV show 'Ugly Betty'-- though a better name would be 'Holy Christ, look at Salma Hayek's Massive Cans'. The only reason these pictures are newsworthy is....well....they're actually not newsworthy at all. But who cares! Look at those sweater-puppies. I haven't seen someone with funbags this huge since I spent last Saturday night photoshopping a screen-cap of DJ Tanner on Full House.
OK, OK, I admit I wrote this to see how many euphemisms for "breasts" I could work into one article. One more: 'Jello on Springs'
