Ryan Reynolds

Blake Lively (and Ryan Reynolds) arriving in Venice, Italy (9/2)

After dating for around a year, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married Sunday night at Boone Hall Plantation in Mt. Pleasant, S.C. But don't worry, it hasn't been a working plantation since the 1800s. Having slaves work your wedding would be pretty damn racist. People has the details:

The reception took place in a white tent at the plantation on Sunday evening. Florence Welch (of Florence and the Machine), a good friend of the Gossip Girl star, performed three songs live, and there was also a deejay who spun tunes. PEOPLE also confirmed that a cake was being driven down from Virginia for the event. Lively's mother and sister were also spotted in town, and a source told PEOPLE that the two had dinner in Charleston with Bette Midler earlier in the weekend.

And Ryan Reynolds continues to do the exact opposite of what I would do if I looked like Ryan Reynolds. Screw marriage -- if I looked like Ryan, I'd go back to college for another degree. I'd start out at San Diego State. Then I'd transfer to Arizona State. And then Florida State. Catching the theme here, folks? Pussy.

*18 Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Ryan Reynolds leaving a supermarket in Bedford, New York (6/14)

That's Ryan Reynolds (and his girlfriend Blake Lively, in the gallery) leaving a supermarket in Bedford, New York last weekend (Blake bought a house in the area). If you look carefully, you'll see some frozen pie crusts in his bag. Yes, frozen pie crusts. To recap, Ryan has gone from Hollywood to the suburbs, and no-strings-attached sex with hot 18-year-olds to baking some of the tastiest apple pie this side of your grammy's oven. Blake Lively's hot, but what the fuck? Even Martha Stewart thinks this guy's a pussy now. "Give me your lunch money, fag!"

*30 Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Ryan Reynolds out and about in New York (4/14)

Home decorating and thrilling trips to Restoration Hardware. Such is the new life of Ryan Reynolds. Blake Lively better give the best BJs ever or this is just pathetic. From the New York Daily News:

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds could be a few home improvements away from saying, "I do." A source in Bedford, N.Y., where Lively purchased a $2.3M property last month, tells us the lovebirds have been working hard to turn her country house into a cozy home. Lively and Reynolds have frequently been spotted combing the aisles at Bedford Hardware together. According to the source, they've also been shopping to decorate their love nest's interior.

The insider notes that Lively loves the upscale interior design company Restoration Hardware and has been spotted at funky-but-chic Anthropologie in Westport, Conn., with Reynolds in tow. "It's kind of cute how he goes on all these shopping trips with her," the Bedford bystander says of Lively's abs-fabulous beau.

Geez Ryan, did you get a chance to buy your tampons, too? Good God man, I had no idea that you're such a sub. I totally understand letting your mother overprotect you since she bought your first Ab Roller, but why are you being such a squishy little twink to Blake Lively? Remember your first marriage? You got dumped for Michael Moore's commie hero, Sean Penn. Why? Because women don't respect weak men, Ryan.
 
"Women have cobwebs between the ears, and sometimes you have to shake them out with a gentle-yet-stiff pop in the mouth every once in a while."
 
Do you know who gave me that solid bit of advice, Ryan? Sir Sean Motherfucking Connery. A real man's man if ever there was one. Do you ever see him carrying his old lady's handbag? Damn straight you don't.

*10 Ryan Reynolds pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds at Comic-Con in San Diego in 2010

Blake Lively is having mom problems. Specifically, Ryan Reynolds' mom Tammy. During a recent visit with Ryan to his parents' house in Vancouver, Blake got into it with Tammy and ended up gutting her like a fish with a dull butter knife. OK, not really. But I bet she would have if it was legal. From Star:

"Tammy would like to see Ryan with a women who's not in the movie business because she feel that, ultimately, actresses put their careers first," says the source. "And she thinks Blake is pressuring Ryan into settling down before he's ready. He [also] rushed into his first marriage, with Scarlett Johansson ... [Tammy] says when they have kids, Blake and Ryan should raise them in Canada because it's safer. Blake refuses to even consider that, saying that she has to be in New York for work."

The mama drama came to a head during a May 6th dinner at the Reynolds family home.

"When Tammy started grilling her, Blake left the room and had a meltdown," says the source. "She told Ryan she wanted to stay at a hotel for the rest of the trip ... Tammy says it proves she's right: Blake's a diva. Ryan is torn between them - and in an impossible position."

Blake needs to be really careful, here. Mother dearest Tammy wants these two solid B-listers to give up their careers and move to Vancouver, B.C. Do you know what that means? It means that Tammy is a raving lunatic who has no problem killing Blake and leaving her dead body in the snow for the moose to devour. Tammy will not accept her baby boy having his heart broken again, that just won't do, eh. And that leaves Blake with one choice: She must dump Ryan and then have sex repeatedly with me. Yup, it's a foolproof plan. Especially if you're me.

*13 Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively on the set of Gossip Girl in New York (3/27)

I don't know why Ryan Reynolds wants to play house again just a year after his divorce from Scarlett Johansson. Blake Lively's vagina must be that awesome. I bet it smells like lavender. From Us Weekly:

Blake Lively and boyfriend of six months Ryan Reynolds want to live together and "have been looking around different areas of Connecticut" for a house, an insider tells Us Weekly. The couple had domesticity on the brain April 12, when they strolled through the upscale town of New Canaan (located an hour away from NYC). "They checked out a lot of home decor stores," says an onlooker of the pair.

Reynolds put the L.A.-area home he shared with ex-wife Scarlett Johansson on the market in February and now spends much of his time at Lively's pad in NYC.

"Ryan is practically living with her already," says one insider. "When he's at her apartment, it feels like home."

Hey, are all Canadians this squishy or is this a Ryan Reynolds problem? Now I understand why Scarlett dropped him like a used tampon and hooked up with a complete toolbag like Sean Penn -- she needed to be treated a bit rough and talked down to. Ryan, believe it or not, your ticket to Tom Arnold Island hasn't been punched yet. You can still sorta recover from the "I was breastfed until I was 16" look you're sporting these days. Come on, brother. You need to man-up before Blake humiliates you and decides to start taking loads from Steven Seagal.

*20 Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively at "A Tribute To Pedro Almodovar" at the Museum of Modern Art in New York (11/15)

Ryan Reynolds might want to slow it down just a tad with Blake Lively. Dude, you look like Ryan Reynolds. Blake's not going to leave you anytime soon. Well, unless she has no soul like Scarlett Johansson. Which is a distinct possibility. From the Chicago Sun Times:

That fast-track romance between "Gossip Girl" star Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds continues in high gear. Not only have the coosome twosome [ed. note: whoever wrote that should be beaten into a coma] been spied locking lips a lot, but a good New York real estate source tells me the couple are seriously shopping for fancy new digs they will share in the Big Apple. A key requirement: a high-rise home that will not have easy, nearby access for pesky paparazzi.

I think I've officially given up on Ryan Reynolds. I tried to get him to man up a little bit, but he's only getting worse. Now he wants to settle down and buy a house with a chick he pretty much just met? I wouldn't be surprised if he's sharing a double dildo with Blake, too (Requiem for a Dream, anyone?).

The reason why Scarlet had to cut this punk loose is becoming clear: Ryan Reynolds is a smothering girlie man. I never thought I'd say this before, but he needs to act a little more like Charlie Sheen around women. This whole situation is really tragic -- Ryan's a young guy with years of banging starlets ahead of him and is just wasting his time with relationships. Hell, at least Harrison Ford had the good sense to get into his 60s before he starting shooting estrogen.

*12 Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively at the Gossip Girl 100th episode celebration at Cipriani Wall Street in New York (11/19)

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are acting exactly like you'd expect a new couple to act . . . which is news I guess. From People:

Ryan Reynolds took girlfriend Blake Lively on an old-fashioned date in Connecticut Friday night, where the two held hands and shared ice cream out of the same cup.

The same cup!

After strolling around the holiday festival [in Ridgefield] for a bit, Reynolds, 35, and Lively, 24, stopped into Deborah Ann's Sweet Shoppe, where they "tried a few samples of ice cream off of those little spoons," says an eyewitness at the ice cream parlor.

"They picked their own flavors, English Toffee and Chocolate Fudge Brownie, but put them in the same cup and shared it. They left holding hands. They just blended in. They seemed very happy together. They were very excited about the ice cream."

Ryan, I know you're probably still hurting from being dumped by Scarlet Johansson, but you're gonna have to tone down this new "I'm sensitive and in touch with my inner pussy" version of yourself. Dude, you don't have to do this sugary horse-shit -- you know that Scarlet is pissed off.  Don't do that to yourself, and don't raise the bar for the rest of us. Listen, you and I are basically cut from the same cloth. We have the charm and abs that separate us from the rest of the chop meat. I'm not saying you have to be Chris Brown, but you shouldn't be Pete Wentz, either. Now stand up, take off the sundress, and in front of Blake and all the Saints announce that "Ryan Reynolds is back, and this time my balls are included."

*15 Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively on the set of Gossip Girl in New York (12/1)

Mentioned earlier that Scarlett Johansson is livid that her ex-husband Ryan Reynolds is now dating Blake Lively. And now here's Blake sporting a nice hickey on her neck on the set of Gossip Girl yesterday. Oh man, Scarlett is gonna be pissed. I bet she dunks Blake's head extra hard into the kiddie pool of chocolate pudding they're gonna wrestle in. Wait, that is how they're going to settle their feud, isn't it? You know, I just assumed . . .

*10 Blake Lively pictures total in the gallery:

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds on the set of R.I.P.D. in Boston (10/23)

OK, that headline may be a bit dramatic, but I bet if Scarlett Johansson ever ends up behind bars with Blake Lively, she at least tries to shank her with a rusty spoon. From Us Weekly:

A source tells the new issue of Us Weekly that Scarlett Johansson is fuming that her ex-husband, Ryan Reynolds, has moved on with Gossip Girl's Blake Lively -- even though Johansson ended their two-year marriage one year ago.

"Scarlett is pissed that he's not under her spell anymore," the source tells Us. "She realized what a great catch Ryan was .. Ryan would have gotten back with her. He was so totally in love, but then she flaunted Sean [Penn] right after their split, and he was done."

Adding insult to injury for the Iron Man actress? Lively, 24, is sticking around as things get more serious with Reynolds.

"Things are great [for Blake and Ryan]," says the source. "They haven't had a fight yet!"

Oh no, I never thought I'd see Scarlett Johansson do the grovel-walk of shame so early in her career (I'm looking right at you, Demi Moore). It appears that Agent Romanov found out the hard way that no aging commie douche-nozzle (aka Sean Penn) can satisfy you as well as an 8-pack of smarmy Canadian steel (aka Ryan Reynolds). Who says that Canadians aren't worth conquering? Well, myself and Scarlett Johanssen, apparently.

*11 Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds pictures total in the gallery:

Scarlett Johansson addresses nude pic scandal

In the new issue of Vanity Fair, Scarlett Johansson opens up about those nude pics of hers that leaked to the web a few months ago, and how they were specifically for her husband at the time, Ryan Reynolds . . . whore!:

Scarlett Johansson does not seem the least bit ashamed when discussing her recent nude-photo scandal with Vanity Fair contributing editor Peter Biskind. "I know my best angles," she says with her trademark insouciance.

Insouciance? Seriously, fuck you Vanity Fair.

"They were sent to my husband," now ex Ryan Reynolds. "There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not like I was shooting a porno." She adds saucily, "Although there’s nothing wrong with that either."

Interestingly, in the interview Scarlett didn't address how her email account was "hacked" and the nude pics stolen because the "hacker" simply guessed her password. Seriously woman, would it kill you to mix in a number or uppercase letter?

*10 Scarlett Johansson pictures total in the gallery: