Archive: Russell Simmons

Russell Simmons’ daughter is attractive

Russell Simmons is robbing the cradle
Russell Simmons in Miami Beach (4/1)

Oh how I envy Russell Simmons. On vacation, just him and his daughter, without a care in the world. No wife, no girlfriend, no media spotlight, just some solid daddy-daughter bonding. Too often in today’s world — especially with celebrities — the father-daughter relationship is seen more as a . . . What’s that? That’s actually his girlfriend? . . . all together now: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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[BauerGriffinOnline]

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I was wrong

Denise Vasi and Russell Simmons
Denise Vasi and Russell Simmons in South Beach (12/6)

I was wrong about two things yesterday: Russell Simmons’ new girlfriend is not Porscha Coleman, it’s Denise Vasi. And it wasn’t math homework Denise had yesterday, but history. So typical of Mr. Johnson to assign homework over winter vacation. What a jerk!

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Russell Simmons has a girlfriend

Russell Simmons and Porscha Coleman
Russell Simmons and Porscha Coleman (12/5)

Russell Simmons was in South Beach with his new girlfriend Porscha Coleman today. After doing yoga for a few hours on the beach, the couple took a short dip in the ocean before retiring back to their room because Porscha had “like a ton of math homework.”

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Being rich totally sucks

Russell Simmons is rich and depressed

According to Russell Simmons–the billionaire co-founder of Def Jam Records–money doesn’t buy happiness (that’s what all the rich people say to keep us poors at bay). Simmons wrote in his just-released memoir Do You:

“If I know 15 billionaires, then I know 13 unhappy people. These people’s lives might be filled with mansions and yachts and private jets, but their medicine cabinets are also filled with antidepressants.” (Source)

So you can tell how rich someone is just by looking in their medicine cabinet? Interesting … I guess the empty bottle of designer cologne, anti-itch cream, and fungal lotion puts me firmly into the “one hundredaire” category (don’t let the expensive cologne throw you off-that’s where I hide my food stamps). On a completely unrelated note that really has nothing to do with the story but I wanted to tell you anyways because I think you and I have that type of relationship now, my last girlfriend/hooker/cleaning lady’s suggestion that bleach would clear up anal warts was not entirely accurate … although I do look a lot better in some of my more recent drunken homemade porn movies “art films”

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