Russell Brand

Happier times

Well that was quick. After splitting from wife Katy Perry a few weeks ago, Russell Brand's already dating a new chick and already wants to move in with her. WTF? Unless this new bitch has a vagina made of pure sugar, dude needs to slow the hell down. Via the New York Post:

Russell Brand has allegedly already started seeing other women in the wake of his split from wife Katy Perry, a report claims. According to Us Weekly, not only is Brand dating -- but he has already found someone special. A source tells the magazine, "He told her he wanted her to move in with him after the divorce is final."

According to Us Weekly's source, Perry is allegedly aware that Brand is dating.

"She discovered through friends. One of the women told a friend of hers, and it got back to Katy," the source claims. "It's gotten ugly ... Katy doubts she'll ever be able to trust a guy again."

Geez, this Russell Brand guy is a clingy little parasitic twat, isn't he? He dumped Katy Perry because she came to her senses before Mr. Potato Head could ruin that body of hers, so he moved on to another host to extend his fame for another 15 minutes. He infected Europe, now he's spreading his horseshit here in God's country. Think of Russell as a talent-draining disease. There's no cure, but you can protect yourself from him by avoiding all contact. If you're lucky you'll live in fear for awhile, but hopefully your name won't appear on any quilts.

*15 Russell Brand pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry arriving at LAX airport for a flight to Singapore (1/16)

Since things went so well the first time around, why wouldn't Katy Perry want to get back together with Russell Brand? It seems completely logical to me. From the Mirror:

Russell Brand has flown to Los Angeles for an ­emotional meeting with wife Katy Perry, the first since their split. The couple have agreed to see each other one last time to discuss details of their separation. But sources close to singer Katy, 27, say she has not yet given up on her 14-month marriage to the ­British film star and comedian.

"He has agreed to meet her one last time. He wants to sort things out and finalise the divorce," said the pal. "Removal trucks have been moving his things out of the house they lived in and into a new place that Russell is renting. He needed to be in LA for the Globes too, so it was an ideal opportunity to meet. He is determined to move on. But Katy says she is still in love with him and she still has hopes they might get back together."

Well, I guess that settles it. Katy Perry can't get enough of that unclipped English meat hammer. How else can I explain it? She dumped Russell (I still refuse to believe that he dumped her) because he's a douchebag -- does she really think anything changed? Katy really is out of his league, but she isn't thinking with her head right now. Katy is probably feeling the draft left by Russell's pipe. I believe it was Gandhi who said "you can get away with anything, as long as your hang-low is bigger than your forearm."

*17 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry and Katy Perry's boobs

You've probably heard by now that Katy Parry and Russell Brand are divorcing. In fact, Katy's so broken up about losing her husband of a year that she was *barely* able to have a great time partying over the New Year. Just barely. From the New York Post:

A happy looking Katy Perry celebrated New Year's Eve by partying with friends and flirting with a mystery man at Soho House in West Hollywood. The superstar didn't let husband Russell Brand’s divorce filing stop her from celebrating, and she spent the night dancing and laughing with friends.

One spy told Page Six, "Katy was in a private room with a group and she seemed to be in a great mood. She spent most of the night dancing and laughing with friends. One wouldn’t have ever even known that her husband had just filed for divorce. At one point, she was talking to a guy with long hair down to his shoulders in the hallway. They were talking for a while. She was smiling and leaning up against wall. After midnight Katy and a male friend got on the dance floor, twirling each other around and dancing holding hands. She looked like she was having a great time."

So Katy Perry finally came to her senses. Katy, Russell Brand is the English version of Dane Cook. In other words, he's a douche that thinks he's edgy and funny -- he is neither. Literally anyone is a better catch. Did you see him in Arthur? Good God did Brand pinch a vegetarian loaf on the ghost of Dudley Moore. At least you figured it out before Russell could infect you with a giant-gummed un-hip baby. I'm being serious, you can do better. My dating schedule is pretty much locked until 2015, but for you and those melons, I'm sure my secretary can work you in.

*26 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Russell Brand files for divorce from Katy Perry

It's official. Just a day after being spotted without his wedding ring, Russell Brand officially filed for divorce today from Katy Perry. Um, Happy New Year Katy. From Us Weekly:

In papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court Friday, Brand, 36, cited "irreconcilable differences." No other specifics were provided in the documents, though Brand is asking that each party pay their own attorney fees and that their property rights be determined.

"Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage," Brand tells Us Weekly in a statement. "I'll always adore her and I know we'll remain friends."

Wait a minute, Russell filed for divorce from Katy, and not the other way around? What the fuck? Unless she has a Venus Flytrap instead of a vagina, I really don't see how that's possible. Russell Brand looks like he should be leading a drum circle at Burning Man, not divorcing hot pieces of ass like Katy Perry. Fuck this guy.

Russell Brand is not wearing his wedding ring

Adding fuel to the rumor fire that the two split up (she spent Christmas in Kauai, while he was 7,000 miles away in the UK), Katy Perry's husband Russell Brand was spotted in London today without his wedding ring.

Let's not jump to conclusions here. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. For example, perhaps Russell likes having sex with other women besides his wife? See? Suddenly doesn't seem so bad when you think about it like that.

*29 Russell Brand pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry's ghost at the 2011 Coachella Music Festival in Indio, CA (4/16)

Damn you complex search algorithms and your ability to systematize massive amounts of information, DAMN YOU TO HELL! From Contact Music:

Pop star Katy Perry made a New Year resolution to quit searching for stories about herself on the internet after she read about husband Russell Brand's planned marriage proposal before he'd popped the question. The I Kissed a Girl hitmaker revealed last year that funnyman Brand's proposal in 2009 came as no surprise as she'd received a Google alert about it weeks before.

Perry tells The Sunday Times Magazine, "I'm four months Google-free. I don't Google myself any more. That was my New Year's resolution. I don't read papers. I don't even look at reviews. I have a good team around me so if anything pops up that's really good or bad I'll know about it. Generally I feel much better being able to live my life like a normal person and not read yesterday's news."

Katy thinks that just because she isn't Googling herself that that means she's living her life "like a normal person"? Sorry Katy, most normal people don't have millions of dollars in the bank, worldwide fame, and tits that have caused more stiffness than rigor mortis. The truth of the matter is that since Katy has still never taken a nude photo, she's probably not the only person that's stopped Googling her name. Seriously, don't be such a prude.

*11 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry and Russell Brand's marriage is not going to last

Russell Brand told The Sun earlier this week all sorts of romantic things about his new life with Katy Perry -- like how he misses having sex 20 times a week with random chicks and how this "lifetime" vow thing sounds really hard. Oops, did I say "romantic"? I meant the exact opposite:

"I can't believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I'm married. But now I'm a bloody good gardener ... It's difficult getting used to one person and being in the same house every day.

"I take [marriage] one step at a time - like with drugs, like with alcohol. Don't look at things as in 'rest of life'. Of course marriage is for life and that's what I wanted but anything for the rest of life can be daunting."

"My peak was probably five a day. It was a bit much. I was always respectful though. I don't think she knew the extremes of it because I wasn't famous in America."

I'd be pretty worried if I was Katy. I don't care how awesome her tits are (pretty damn awesome) -- you show me the hottest chick in the world and I'll show you a man who eventually grew sick of her shit. Why do you think Jessica Alba went all crazy and had to be committed back in '98? She thought we were going to be together forever.

*5 Katy Perry and Russell Brand pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry is changing her name

I guess Katy Perry really is serious about Russell Brand -- she's changing her last name . . . to Brand. Damn, I thought this marriage thing was just an elaborate practical joke. From the Huffington Post:

Perry taped an appearance on 'The Ellen Degeneres Show' set to air on Wednesday, and when asked by the host if she was going to change her last name to her husband's, the name brand icon said that she was already, "in the process," of doing so.

She's called Brand, she told Ellen, "sometimes when people try to get my attention. Like if I'm at an event or something like that and they want special attention. They go, "Mrs. Brand!" and I go shwoosh [looking back]."

Of course this wouldn't be the first time Katy changed her name. Back when she was a Christian singer she went by the name Katy Hudson, but changed her last name to "Perry" to avoid confusion with the actress Kate Hudson (even though no one would ever confuse the two because Katy has awesome tits and Kate has yet to go through puberty). Now that I think about it . . . changing your name sounds like a great idea. Sure that restraining order says "Nick" has to stay 1000 feet away from cheerleading practice at the local high school at all times, but it says nothing about RICK!

*15 Katy Brand and Russell Brand pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Tuesday, November 23

Russell Brand on a driving lesson in Los Feliz (pics start here)

Clara Alonso at GQ magazine's Annual "Men of the Year" awards at the Palace Hotel in Madrid, Spain (pics start here)

Ashley Greene leaving a gym in Studio City (pics start here)

Maria Menounos at the premiere of Faster at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood (pics start here)

Katie Holmes on the set of Jack & Jill onboard Royal Caribbean's new ship "Allure of the Seas" (pics start here)

Nicole Richie leaving a gym in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Jessica Simpson leavinf Sirius Radio Networks in New York (pics start here)

Isabel Lucas leaving Nature Mart in Los Feliz (pics start here)

Michael Douglas and his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving their apartment in New York (pics start here)

Natalie Portman outside The Ed Sullivan Theater in New York (pics start here)

Paris Hilton and Nicky Hilton shopping in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Kelly Osbourne out and about in L.A. (pics start here)

*111 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Rod Stewart and Russell Brand are fighting

Did you know that Rod Stewart and Russell Brand hate each other? Me neither! Do you care? Me neither! From the San Francisco Chronicle:

Rod Stewart has reignited his war of words with Russell Brand - he's once again cast doubt on the British funnyman's sexual prowess. The "Maggie May" hitmaker famously clashed with Brand at an awards ceremony in London in 2006, when he forced the comic to back-track over boasts he bedded the rocker's daughter, Kimberly. Stewart told Brand it was wrong to brag about his womanizing, and goaded the "Get Him to the Greek" star to admit he "never touched" Kimberly.

Now Stewart has taken another swipe at the self-proclaimed Lothario's sex boasts - insisting Brand's claim to have slept with 90 women in a month is impossible.

Talking to Piers Morgan for his "Life Stories" TV show, Stewart says, "Get out of here. Not true. You can't bed two or three women a day."

"You can't bed two or three women a day"? Bollocks! Maybe at your age, Rod. At my age, that's called "college." Just last semester I averaged four chicks a night. Now *technically* I was studying abroad in Thailand and I did pay for every one of those cheap whores, but I was still pretty proud of myself.

*15 Russell Brand pictures total in the gallery: