Archive: Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr has a sex tape

The unsexiest story of 2008. From Roseanne Barr’s blog:

My Sex Tape…

The fired intern from Myspace (not Joey) has also stolen my private sex tape. I am offering $25,000 for it’s return (unless someone would like to distribute it - then I am willing to deal). (Source)

On the bright side, I think I may have finally found a solution to the teen pregnancy epidemic. Just replace all the textbooks in Health class with a printout of this story. Because there is no way a guy could get an erection after reading that. I basically just committed assault against my penis by writing about this.

[PIC: INFDaily.com; STORY VIA : Gabby Babble]

Roseanne Barr

And now a very special Christmas message from Roseanne Barr (posted on her blog RoseanneWorld.com on Christmas day):

Happy birthday Jesus!

hope you like the gift we got you: war, hatred, christian inquisition, muslim holy war and jewish jihad, mass materialism, poisoning the planet, locking every one up and letting working class people go broke and move to tent cities, starvation, and more billionaires than ever, and the pope forgiving child molesters, and screwing their victims out of settlement money! Just what you wished for right? Great, we thought so!!! enjoy our gifts in good health! (Source)

I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?!? Now I know it wasn’t the Grinch that stole Christmas–it was Grimace! But seriously, I’m sure the only reason Roseanne was so upset was because her blood sugar was low . . . which tends to happen when she doesn’t have a delicious pumpkin pie in one hand and an IV full of glucose in the other.

Britney Spears enjoying some ice cream on Sunday

Former celebrity Roseanne Barr put down a pastry she was probably holding on Friday to rip Britney Spears on her blog, saying she is “no better than a crack whore on the street.” Her rant:

The judge is trying to teach you a lesson, shut your mouth and learn it! You are a bad mother, and so is your mother! Get your shit together and take care of your kids!! Your mom needs to lock your spoiled ass in the basement or wherever it is that you cannot get anymore drugs. Stop drinking immediately too! If you are too weak to do that, then you are no better than a crack whore on the street, and your mom should stop pimping your ass and do what mom’s do…lock up your kid, and sit there with her for as long as it takes to get her right!!! Get guards around her to sober her up! SIT WITH YOUR KID, MOM! AFTER YOU AND HER DAD PIMPED HER OUT LIKE JON BENET, SIT THERE WITH HER AND STRAIGHTEN HER OUT…THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! (not even hers, but yours, put pimpng out your other daughter on hold til you make your grown one better). (Source)

“Alley” Roseanne, Britney is no better than a crack whore “in an alley.” If you wanna play in the big leagues, you have to get that straight.

Roseanne rips Britney Spears

According to sources who know more than me, Roseanne Barr has emerged as the early favorite to take Rosie O’Donnell’s vacant spot on The View. Barr’s rep told the New York Post that, despite the speculation, her client has not yet been approached about the job. Other considered “host-worthy” include Connie Chung, Joan Rivers, Whoopi Goldberg, and Kathie Lee Gifford. Regarding Roseanne, the source reveals:

“She’s a piece of work, she’s a character, she says what’s on her mind and she’s funny.” Another staffer close to the situation told the Post: “They’re missing strong personalities on that show, and that’s what they’re going to need if they want to keep it going.” (Source)

You mean fat chicks, they’re missing fat chicks. Star’s gone. Rosie’s gone. There’s no one left to hover over the chef on the cooking segments. It’s just not the same without that!