Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster outside Soho restaurant in London (11/26)
Do you think when Rod's been a good boy, Penny gives him piggyback rides?
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Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster aboard their yacht in Capri (6/22)
Rod doesn't actually know that woman. That's how they greet people now in Italy. Kidding, that's his daughter wife Penny. The creepiness factor of these pics are enhanced tenfold when you realize that when Penny first started developing those boobs in puberty, Rod was already 40.
Rod Stewart likes to take his pants off when he gets drunk. There I said it. Just two years ago at the River Cafe in New York City, Rod exposed himself after getting blitzed. Though he was supposedly "banned for life" from the restaurant, Rod came back a few weeks ago "and got totally wasted again." According to a source:
"He danced a number of jigs and sang folk songs," says a source, including one remembered as "You Can't Put Grandma on the Bus" - though if a song by that name exists, it would be news to Google.The source says management laughed it off the second time and that "he's welcome any time, as long as he keeps his pants on."
I can't tell you how many times someone's said that to me. The pub down the street, the gym next to my work, my son's daycare center, I'm sick of people hassling me about my damn pants! Just because I like my guys down there to get a little air doesn't make me weird. OK technically it does make me a sexual deviant but that's not the same as being weird.
I used to think the only people that caught liver disease at age 27 had last names like 'Anheuser' and 'Coors'. Well, according to Rod Stewart, his 27-year-old daughter Kimberly has "liver disease due to too much heavy boozing." He has to be wrong about this, right? Doesn't liver disease require at least 20 years of heavy drinking? According to my calculations......lemme see here.....Kimberly is 27 years old......carry the 1......etc, etc,.....Kimberly would have had to start drinking at like 2 years old. The only way that happened is if her parents gave her a wine cooler to settler her nerves before the first day of school. Or maybe if they told her about the legend of the Captain Morgan's fairy who leaves little girls a special surprise for a lost tooth.
I had my money on Kimberly catching tetanus.
Rod Stewart gave his daughter Kimberly some sage advice when she was asked to tour with Cisco Adler's rock band Whitestarr: get your own hotel room and a return flight ticket. The blonde socialite was asked to accompany her pals on tour and went to her dad to ask him if he thought it was a good idea.
Rod tells men's magazine Blender, "I said, 'That's OK, darling. But make sure you get your own room and a return flight. You don't want to end up sharing a bed with someone you don't know.'"
Uhhhh, he is talking about Kimberly Stewart right? The only person who'll be sharing a bed with her is someone who's blind or that just lost a bet. Or even better, a blind man that just lost a bet. Blind kids are the easiest marks. Money in the bank!
Rod Stewart says if his daughter's good friend, Paris Hilton, was 20 years older, he'd probably be tapping that ass:
Rocking Romeo Rod admits the blonde singer/actress would have been at the top of his list of lovely ladies if she had been around when he was enjoying the fruits of his labour. Stewart, who first met Hilton when she was 14, tells men's magazine Blender, "She was very attractive then... I happened to notice. She would have definitely fallen into the right parameters."
Boasting that you could nail Paris Hilton is like me bragging I could beat a handicapped kid in a footrace. It's satisfying—hell, it's damn satisfying—but not exactly much a challenge. Unless they have a wheelchair. Damn cheating cripples haven't heard the last of me!
