Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart doing a Q&A with the audience of Jimmy Kimmel Live! (6/14)

Finally, some Twilight news. I was beginning to think the media was ignoring them. /sarcasm -- From Life & Style:

Robert Pattinson has had enough of Kristen Stewart's negative attitude and finally called it quits, Life & Style has learned. In fact, we can reveal that Rob broke things off with Kristen earlier this year. "When Rob was back in the U.K., he was totally fed up with Kristen and over it. He told her, 'We're done,'" an insider tells Life & Style. "Rob says she complains about everything and is such a downer. But when he meets up with her they start flirting again and get caught up in all the romance." But impulsive hookups aren't enough. Unlike his character, Edward, Rob feels he hasn't found his soul mate and is keeping his options open.

There. That last sentence. That's it. The gayest analogy in the history of human communication. Continuing...

The magic may have drained from his and Kristen's relationship, but Rob clearly hasn't given up on his fairy-tale ending. "There are still a lot of people in the world who desperately want to keep real romance alive," Rob has said. "It sounds lame, but it's the truth."

Of course Kristen isn't Rob's "soul mate" -- she doesn't have the one thing he's looking for in a partner: a positive attitude an adam's apple. The reality is that if Rob's ever going to find true love, he's going to have to start looking in the right places . . . places where drinks comes with a tiny umbrella and the tables are adorned with Cloisonné vases and the most adorable little doilies -- *squeals* -- wait, I mean . . .um . . . how 'bout that National Basketball Association professional game on Wednesday night! Boy that Kobe Bryant sure is a . . . tall guy. Am I right fellas!

*27 pics total in the gallery:

Robert Pattinson hates vaginas

I mean, right? There's no way to spin the phrase "I really hate vaginas" that doesn't make you look like a raging homosexual. From the New York Daily News:

His vampire alter ego may be prince charming, but "Twilight" star Robert Pattinson does not worship women in quite the same way. In fact, he is downright repulsed by some of their parts.

In a new interview with Details magazine, in which Pattinson was photographed with several scantily-clad female models, the British actor reveals why the shoot wasn't exactly his cup of tea.

"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina," he tells Details. "But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours."

Pattinson says he was thankful he was hungover during the ordeal, presumably because he had an excuse for not conversing with the models.

*Warning* -- Grossest joke of the year ahead: You'd think a guy who's most famous for playing a vampire would LOVE vaginas . . . at least once a month. Aw dammit, I'm really sorry you had to read that. I'm a horrible horrible person.

Robert Pattinson mobbed by fans on the set of Remember Me in New York (6/15)

Twilight star Robert Pattinson was almost killed this morning in New York. After emerging from Strand Bookstore, the actor was basically attacked by a group of teen girls (boy If I had a nickel...). RadarOnline has the rest:

It was pouring rain as [Pattinson's security team] tried to hustle him quickly across the busy street to the safety of his trailer.

Some of the teen girls were hysterical and Rob rushed across the road. As he did so, a taxi grazed him. The cabbie slammed on his brakes as soon as he realized what had happened.

It appeared as if the cab hit Rob in the hip. He stood there for a moment looking stunned. The bodyguard next to him checked if he was okay and then screamed at the fans: "You see what you did, you almost killed him!"

Would it'd be ironic if Robert had died? Through some crazy turn of events, his biggest fan -- the person least likely to do harm to him -- actually ends up killing him. Reminds me a lot of that hooker I dumped in the desert last year.

Megan Fox at the premiere of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in Tokyo (6/8)

Megan Fox is definitely single. She confirmed her status to Australia's Daily Telegraph:

"I am not in a committed relationship right now. I really don't know anything about being single yet, really. I've been reading a lot and listening to music and trying just to work on myself. I was with someone from the time I was 18, so I've never been forced to take care of myself. I've always had someone doing that for me.

"Right now there's no space in my head for who's going to be next or how I need to fill my time. I'm just trying to be comfortable with who I am before I get into another relationship. (Otherwise) I will be Elizabeth Taylor by the time I'm 60 and I don't want to do that.''

E! is reporting that Twilight's Robert Pattinson may be to blame for Megan calling off her engagement to boyfriend Brian Austin Green. Pattinson supposedly tapped that ass last year:

A knowledgeable and well-established source who worked extensively on Jennifer's Body with Megan claims that M.F. was running her mouth about how she "hooked up" with Robert Pattinson. Interpret that how you will. Supposedly, this was around the time Meg and Bri had called off their engagement.

"Megan was totally into [Rob] and thought he was really cute," snitches our high-up, on-the-set sleuth. "But nothing ever went further than one night they were together. He totally blew her off."

And now there's rumors that Pattinson is dating his Twilight costar Kristen Stewart (the chick that constantly looks high). He chose that bitch over Megan Fox. Incredible. Robert could walk around San Francisco with a rainbow-colored dildo that shot fireworks sticking out of his ass and that'd be less gay than picking Kristen Stewart over Megan Fox.

Dakota Fanning outside the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York (2/2)

Is anybody else a little freaked out hearing that Dakota Fanning has a crush on somebody? Didn't she turn 6, like, last month? From Star:

Dakota Fanning has her eye on some fresh blood — Rob Pattinson! It was her crush on the Twilight cutie, and not career goals, that made her ask her managers to get her a part in the upcoming sequel, New Moon.

"Dakota is very determined, and she gets what she wants," a source tells Star. "Right now she has her laser focus on Rob."

Even though Dakota, 14, knows she's too young for anything serious with the 22-year-old, "She likes to flirt. She just wants to have some fun!" (Source)

Why is it when Dakota insists on spending a lot of time with someone it's called being "very determined" but when I do it it's called "violating a restraining order"? Seeing Dakota pull a stunt like this just to get a guy has to make one wonder if she's on her way to becoming the next Lindsay or Britney. Something else one might wonder: where were these horny 14-year-olds when I was a senior in college was in eight grade?