Robert Pattinson hates Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson really hates that bitch. Of course the bitch I'm talking about is his cheating ex Kristen Stewart. Robert was supposed to promote his new film The Childhood of a Leader
at the Venice Film Festival this week, but Kristen had to go and ruin everything with her existence. Screw you, existence! From the New York Post
Pattinson, who was scheduled to attend for "The Childhood of a Leader," which screened this past Saturday and Sunday, had backed out of the fest with the excuse that he's busy shooting "The Lost City of Z" in Ireland.
But sources tell us Pattinson never planned on coming. "He didn't want the story to be all about how he and Kristen were nearly bumping into each other," says a spy. "Venice is very small...and there are only so many parties and hotels."
Stewart was at the festival Saturday to promote "Equals" with Nicholas Hoult.
This reminds me a lot of the awkwardness with my ex. Just replace 'Venice" with "Olive Garden" and this story might as well be about me. I'm practically a movie star.
*20 pictures total in the gallery:
FKA Twigs bikini pics!
Here's Robert Pattinson and his girlfriend, the bikini-clad FKA Twigs, in Miami earlier this week (I'm not sure that's actually her given name). While in town, FKA Twigs actually smiled, bathed, and didn't publicly humiliate
him by making out with another man in a parking lot. Robert must be so happy -- it's everything he's ever wanted in a girlfriend, but has never been able to find.
*30 FKA Twigs bikini pictures total in the gallery:
Kristen Stewart departing on a flight at LAX airport
You gotta hand it to Robert Pattinson. It took months for him to start trash-talking his ex Kristen Stewart, but now that he's at it, he wants everyone to know that she's a stupid ugly bitch. From OK!
Robert Pattinson, 28, was overheard trash-talking his cheating ex Kristen Stewart, 24, at a recent party in L.A. "After a few beers, he started going on about Kristen's new haircut, saying she looks dreadful and that he never would've let her do that when they were together," says the source. He even started questioning her sexuality, the source adds, given the short cut and the fact that Kristen has really only been seen with girls since their split. While it's not Rob's style to be so nasty, the source claims his friends were encouraging it: "Even though he insists that he doesn't miss her, it's obvious that he's still in pain."
Claiming that you don't think about your ex while talking shit about them is a clear sign that you haven't moved on. It's why I'm always badmouthing Alessandra Ambrosio, Sofia Vergara, and Kate Beckinsale. Sure, after they left me each of them claimed they were just using me for my body, but that hurts -- I have feelings, too. For example, I have a feeling that that burning sensation I get when I pee came from that whore Megan Fox. See? There I go again. I guess I still can't get over all the great sex we used to have. What an amazing few years that was.*15 Kristen Stewart pictures total in the gallery:
Kristen Stewart filming Anesthesia in New York
*shakes head in disgust* . . . A source told omg!
"Rob [Pattinson] is still in love with Kristen [Stewart] and can't keep away from her. They've been meeting secretly at production studios and at [mutual friend Shannon Woodward's] flat. The three of them have been close friends for years and all look out for each other.
"He's tried flirting with other girls, partying and putting distance between them but there's no other woman for him. His sister Lizzie has told him to follow his deepest feelings and to not by swayed by pressure from Hollywood, because his management and publicists want him to move on and leave his 'troubled' relationship with Kristen behind."
It's a cryin' shame, I tells ya. Big Bobby P. could have been motorboating the hell out of Katy Perry's titties or nailing every slutty USC sorority girl that exists for the last few months if he wasn't so hung up on his ex. Hell, it seemed as if Robert was Hollywood's lost puppy dog for a few months there, judging by how many starlets shamelessly pined for his affection. It's just too bad for those chicks that Robert prefers to be some second-rate director's sloppy seconds. Robert, dude, Kristen fucked Rupert Sanders, not Martin Scorsese. Lose her number already.*10 Kristen Stewart pictures total in the gallery:
Dylan Penn at the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards in L.A.
Robert Pattinson has finally moved on from Kristen Stewart and is dating Sean Penn's hot daughter Dylan. That's right, Sean, you dick. Your daughter is getting cored by the Twilight
guy. And she is loving it. An eyewitness tells Life & Style
about the two partying at the Viper Room together earlier this month:
"They were touchy-feely and very flirtatious. There was a level of comfort there," the fellow partygoer explains. "You could tell they've hung out a few times."
But Rob better watch out! Dylan's dad keeps a close watch on his model daughter. "Sean has really high standards for his kids," says a friend. "Any guy who dates Dylan should watch his back and treat her right!"
After the show, Rob led Dylan to a waiting car, which whisked them to Chateau Marmont for drinks and french fries. From there, a group headed back to Rob's home in an exclusive gated community. One onlooker exclusively tells Life & Style, "They went into his kitchen, and he put his arms around her. Then he was kissing her neck and talking all lovey-dovey. It was clear they'd been out together before." When fellow guests left at 5 a.m., Dylan was still there.
So what if Bobby is putting the wood to Dylan Penn? Robert is a movie star; Dylan is an old movie star's kid who hasn't done anything to advance her career except lay down for Dracula over there. Unless her daddy wants to get on the train, Sean's opinion on who she takes the unclipped bologna from is about as valuable as Tara Reid headshots to an A-list casting director. Old man Penn is better served going to Venezuela and being the permanent keeper of murderous dictator Hugo Chavez's eternal flame, because he hasn't exactly been a champion for women's dignity the last few decades. Don't believe me? Fine. Go ahead and Google "Sean Penn abuse" and you'll only get a smidge over 2 million hits on the matter.*10 Dylan Penn pictures total in the gallery:
Robert Pattinson on the set of Maps To The Stars in L.A.
I'll tell you what, I'm beginning to really like this Robert Pattinson kid. If he ever calls Kristen Stewart a dirty cunt, I will officially have a full-blown man crush on him. He told Belfast Telegraph
earlier this week:
"The real odd thing about this Twilight target group is that they aren't really teenagers. Most of them are older. Twilight has its own parallel world, its own fan culture that has been forming on the net since day one. And in an intense way that has never existed before," he shared. "Sometimes I ask myself what these masses of people do the whole day. They sit in front of their computers and comment on anything having even remotely to do with Twilight. Day and night. So actually really exciting - at least up to the point when I became part of that phenomenon."
Man crush aside, I guess Robert is admitting that his career is over, because without the Twilight
creeps, he's finished in movies (and you'll have to trust me when I tell you that gay porn doesn't count . . . I heard). I totally agree that his fans are probably middle-aged basement masturbators who probably shouldn't be around teens anyway, but whose fault is that? Bob chose to play his character "that way." Let's just call those ridiculous pseudo-vampire films for what they are: Twinks vs. Bears, a Love Story
. If Bobby wanted young chicks to enjoy his films, then he shouldn't have had such intense stare downs with that well muscled wolfman-boy.*20 Robert Pattinson pictures total in the gallery:
Robert Pattinson leaving Kristen Stewart's house in Hollywood
After being publicly humiliated
by her cheating ass last year, Robert Pattinson may be back with Kristen Stewart. He was spotted leaving her house in Los Feliz on Sunday after being there for a few hours. According to the paparazzo, Rob "looked nervous" and was "trying to be discreet" as he left. Well yeah, I'd be nervous too if I was hiding the fact that I HAD NO TESTICLES WHATSOEVER. Rob, Kristen Stewart looks like Kristen Stewart, not Kate Upton. Unless she can blow bubbles and shoot ping pong balls out of her vagina like a seasoned Thai whore, you need to delete her number and never talk to her again.*5 Robert Pattinson pictures total in the gallery:
Katy Perry arriving for a flight at LAX airport
Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson: totally doing it
. Trust me, attending a wedding rehearsal with a woman isn't something you normally do unless you plan on motorboating her later. From the New York Daily News
On Sunday afternoon, [Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson] were spotted in the back of a courtyard at San Ysidro Ranch, taking in the wedding rehearsal of a pair of strangers, People magazine reports.
A witness told the magazine that Perry, 28, was dressed down in a hoodie and big sunglasses.
"Katy and Rob were just sitting next to each other watching the wedding rehearsal in the main courtyard area," a source told People. "There was no PDA between them and no body language that showed they were dating. They just sat together and watched."
Holy shit on a stick, Robert Pattinson got himself the mother-of-all-upgrades. Wow, just...wow. Bobby traded in Kristen "Catholic Altar Boy Body
" Stewart for Katy "Titties O' Plenty
" Perry. Do you kids appreciate the magnitude of this move? Imagine being fired from your job as the poor bastard in charge of washing the stink out of Nicki Minaj's wigs and hired as Kate Beckinsale's personal panty line inspector. Now THAT is how you get over being cuckholded
. Well played, Bobby. Well played indeed.*10 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson at Day 2 of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio, CA
After being apart for over two months while he was in Australia filming The Rover
, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson have reconnected and were spotted holding hands at Coachella over the weekend. Wow, two months? Rob, buddy, I hate to break it to you, but according to my estimate, taking into account time, distance apart, and Kristen's nature, she's fucked 87 guys since the last time you were with her. Here's the math if you want to check, but I think I'm right:
2 Months(7,500 Miles) + Cheating Slut = 87 Guys*10 Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson pictures total in the gallery:
Kristen Stewart leaving her hotel in New York
Kristen Stewart desperately wants boyfriend Robert Pattinson to knock her up . . . or, you know, maybe some other random guy she hooks up with. What does "boyfriend" really mean, anyways? Seems kinda restrictive. From Life & Style
"I can't wait to be a mom," Kristen, 22, gushed to Life & Style on Nov. 1 while promoting Breaking Dawn--Part 2 in LA. Even the typically tight-lipped Rob, 26, added that the infant who first played their on-screen daughter, Renesmee, was one of his favorite co-stars, and that "working with a baby is great."
What's more, the twosome's baby talk is far from idle chatter, confirms a pal of Rob's. "Now that Kristen is back together with Rob, she's obsessed with keeping him, and she knows he wants to be a young dad," says the insider. "So she's telling him, 'Let's do this; let's make a baby!' Before the cheating, he as the one pushing for marriage and children. Now it's her." (Print Edition - 11/19)
Am I out of the loop on this Robert Pattinson character? Why is Kristen so intent on keeping him? All of his movies are epic failures unless he's playing a pussyboy vampire, so I just don't understand why Kristen is working so hard to keep him hooked. It's not as if he's taking care of business in the bedroom -- Kristen was taking the pipe from whatshisname for weeks before she got busted, so what's with the baby talk all of the sudden? In Hollywood, adopted babies are props and bio-babies are burdens, so I need for someone to explain Kristen's rush to end her career. Oh, wait, now I see. Kristen is probably tired of having Macauley Culkin's body, but doesn't have the guts to go under the knife for a decent set of titties. No pain, no gain.*15 Kristen Stewart pictures total in the gallery: