Robert Ackroyd

Katy Perry outside Jimmy Kimmel Live! studios in West Hollywood (6/25)

A few months ago, it was rumored that Katy Perry was dating Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd. And then they broke up. And then they got back together again. And then they broke up. And then they got back together again. And now they're not just moving in together, but also buying a house. Seems like a wise decision for such a stable couple. A source told Star:

"Rob has been staying with Katy in L.A., but now he needs to be in England because he's playing all the summer festivals. He begged her to go with him," says the source. "At first Katy wasn't sure because he's got such a ladies' man reputation [sound familiar?] and only recently split from his ex."

But he insisted he'd put his bad-boy ways behind him to be with her. Rob, 29, even went so far as to take out his iPhone and delete the numbers of every single ex-girlfriend right in front of Katy.  "He told her he just really wanted to be with her all the time and that it would be all fun and no drama," say the source. "She was so taken with the gesture that she agreed to do it."

Very slick, Bobby. Look at you, pretending to delete your contacts even though your pics will be safely stored on whatever Mac or PC your iPhone syncs to. Hell, show Katy how much you care by throwing your Mac/PC into the Thames River -- luckily for you, all contacts, pics, and even notes are stored in your iCloud. Isn't that great? With all the technological advances we've made these days, it's nearly impossible to lose contact with your whores. Thanks Steve Jobs!

*11 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry at the 2012 Billboard Music Awards at the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas (5/20)

Katy Perry is really bad at this relationship thing. After dating Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd for about a month, the two have already split up. Probably shouldn't have left the toilet seat up. Asshole. From Us Weekly:

Katy Perry is back on the market -- again. The 27-year-old singer has split from Florence + the Machine guitarist, Robert Ackroyd. The pair started dating about a month ago when they were photographed kissing at Coachella Music Festival.

"It wasn't that serious," a source tells Us Weekly of Perry's relationship with Ackroyd. "It's not a nasty thing and they are still talking, but Katy told him to do his thing and they'll talk soon. No hard feelings. She's really busy and so is he."

So what? Katy Perry has a hole that needs filling. What's Katy supposed to do without Russell Brand's unclipped mutton loaf? Let the girl have her fun, that's what I say. I'm surprised it lasted this long with that dude with the lame band name, but whatever. Katy got a much needed deep drilling, and Robert got a few extra hundred thousand Twitter followers. It's a win/win on both sides . . . kinda. Let's be honest for a second, kids. Bobby Ackroyd will never, EVER, get to motorboat a set of tits like that ever again. Finding a rack like that in a town as fake as Hollywood is like finding the Arc of the Covenant in a New Jersey flea market. Trust me Robert, take up religion.

*23 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry boarding a private jet at LAX airport (4/19)

With friends like these, who needs enemies? From the Chicago Sun Times:

Katy Perry's personal posse are deeply concerned her rebound romance with Robert Ackroyd, the guitarist for Florence + The Machine, is coming way too soon after the collapse of her marriage to Russell Brand.

"She's in love with the idea of being in love," said a Perry pal Monday. "This won't last."

I love Katy Perry's friends, I really do. They're so holy that they can't bring themselves to state the obvious: Katy Perry has a hole that needs constant filling. I think it's pretty clear that she made sex-addict Russell Brand and his unclipped haggis roll run back to England, denying her her liver impalements. Katy Perry has seen more dicks than the lower keyhole in Anderson Cooper's back door, which oddly enough is still less than what Paris Hilton sees in a week. Girls, let Katy have her fun. She's only seeing Robert Ackroyd -- he's gonna discover a fondness for penis sooner rather than later.

*7 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery:

Katy Perry and Robert Ackroyd at Coachella (4/22)

Either Katy Perry has a new boyfriend (Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd), or Katy Perry needs to turn that guy in for sexual assault. Aw dammit, she has a new boyfriend. From Life & Style:

Love is in the air AGAIN for Katy Perry! Life & Style can exclusively reveal that the pop songstress is dating Florence + the Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd.

"Backstage at the Artist Lounge at Coachella last weekend, Katy kept saying her boyfriend was the guitar player for Florence + the Machine," a source tells Life & Style. "She and a bunch of friends were supposed to go see Dr. Dre together, but Katy said she was waiting to watch her boyfriend perform!"

Florence + the Machine? Allow me to be the first to congratulate The Mamas & the Papas on not having the least intimidating name in the history of music anymore. And congrats to Florence, too, for finally recording an entire set of elevator music. OK, back to business. How lucky is Robert Ackroyd? He went from being the lame Ghostbuster to nut-busting inside Katy Perry. Wait, he's not who I'm thinking of? Oh, so he's a complete zero then. What a score for Robert -- he probably gained a million followers on Twitter (something that would have never happened with that shitty band of his). Don't screw this up, Bob. Katy's annoying as shit, tends to break down a lot (emotionally), but she's a fun ride. She's basically like an old Pontiac Fiero, with tits.

*30 Katy Perry pictures total in the gallery: