Rob Kardashian might be on The Biggest Loser
Rob Kardashian has gotten so fat that only reality television can save him. Apparently he's set to join the latest season of The Biggest Loser
. Dignity? What's that? From Star
It's a slur Rob Kardashian is used to hearing from his catty sisters, but now the overweight reality star is prepared to become a loser for real! Star can reveal that he's joining season 16 of NBC's hit weight-loss show, The Biggest Loser, in a desperate attempt to lose the estimated 80lbs. he's packed on over the past two years.
"Kris Jenner worked with E! executives and NBC to arrange a deal for Rob to join the show," says a confidant, revealing that in true Kardashian fashion, Rob may have put his health on the line for the sake of fame and fortune. "He's stopped trying to lose weight on his own because he needs to stay big to do the show, which could be a huge payday." (Print Edition - 8/4)
If Rob really wants to improve his future, he should skip the weight loss and focus more on losing letters from his last name. Sorry Rob, no matter how much weight you lose or TV appearances you make, the only thing people are going to think when they see you is "Hey, isn't that the dude whose sister was patient zero in Africa's Ebola outbreak?" Just kidding Rob -- when people see you, they won't think that; they'll think: "Who the fuck is that guy and why isn't he at home feeding his reindeer?"*15 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian arriving on a flight at LAX airport
I don't want to write too much about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's wedding because fuck them (if you want to know how dignified the event was, Joe Francis was there), but I did want to give some props to Rob Kardashian for doing his best to ruin the affair. He bailed on the wedding and flew back to L.A. because he hates his family (hey, me too!). From x17
A source tells X17online, Kim and Rob had it out Friday before the lunch at friend/designer Valentino's chateau. Kim wanted the departure from Paris to look like a catwalk, with every member of the Kardashian clan wearing beautiful Valentino couture and looking like a million bucks. Obviously Rob didn't fit into that plan and that's when the war began ...
"Rob said he was sickened by Kim and Kanye's display of wealth and clothes and beauty and called it 'superficial bullshit' but Kim was pissed that Rob hadn't made an effort to drop any weight over the past few months. Rob basically thinks Kim cares about him only for his appearance and he said he'd 'make life easier' for her and just leave."
Rob Kardashian -- a confirmed Kardashian -- is sickened by ostentatious displays of wealth? Is 27 too old to give a child up for adoption? Because Kris Jenner will drop his ass faster than a handful of pennies. I kid, I kid . . . Kris Jenner would never drop a handful of pennies.
*15 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian is still fat
Cookies. Brownies. Pizza. Hot dogs. Ice cream. All reasons why a fat, depressed Rob Kardashian is skipping his sister Kim's wedding to Kanye West this summer in Paris. Paris? Doesn't Rob know they have delicious creme brulee there? A source tells Radar
"Rob is upset about his changing shape and truly feels like the black sheep of the family."
The family insider added that even though the 26-year-old is "very close" to father-of-one West, "he has no desire to go to France" for what is destined to be an over-the-top wedding.
"Of course, that could change. Kim is his sister. He loves her. But he knows this will be all about Kim and as usual, Rob feels he would be like the third wheel," revealed one Kardashian spy. "The reality of their situation is that Kim and Rob haven't been that close in years.
Meh. I wouldn't worry so much if I was Rob. This will be a Team KKK wedding, so obviously he won't be the only fat fuck in attendance -- although he'll probably have the biggest set of tits. Rob probably won't get as much as a mention on any website since he's so completely irrelevant in the world that he'll take the name "Jenner" soon. Now, if tubby really wants to hijack this event, then he'll have to hit the family below the belt and make sure that his "plus one" is a dignified Caucasian woman with an ounce of talent who never had O.J. Simpson inside of her . . . yeah, that'll throw them for a loop.*20 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian on his way to eat, probably In Touch Weekly
says Rob Kardashian is so embarrassed about getting fat that he moved to Florida so everyone will leave him alone. Wait a minute . . . do they have food in Florida? Oh shit, I think I see a problem in his plan. From the mag:
On Nov. 13, [Rob] accompanied his sister Kim -- who's also been trying to slim down -- to Epione in Beverly Hills. "He is exploring his options," an insider tells the mag. As In Touch reported last week, Kim has been going to the facility for a procedure to reduce stretch marks and sagging, from which Rob may also benefit.
But Rob admits he's not relying solely on doctors to drop the 60 pounds he gained. "Right now, my focus is being healthy and working out," says the reality star, who recently relocated to Florida to escape public scrutiny, according to a source. "I hit the reset button on my life."
Whatever, fatso. Why is this even in In Touch Weekly
? It's only fat Bobby we're talking about -- he doesn't bring mama the loot, so he could give himself a 9mm lap-band surgical procedure to the dome and it wouldn't elicit so much as a shrug from Kris. I recommend that, in this holiday season, Rob earn himself a little fame the right way -- the Kardashian way -- and make a hardcore interracial porno just like Kris always wanted him to do. All the pieces are in place, we just need to pull Ray J out of retirement one last time. But don't worry, he'll do it. Being Brandy's brother is only landing him so much work these days, and Dancing with the Stars
won't return his calls. It's brutal out there.*10 Fat Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Kanye West at the Dodgers vs. Mets game in L.A.
Kanye West got a rousing ovation Wednesday night when he was shown on the Jumbotron at Dodger Stadium. ESPN reporter Arash Markazi describes it:
Luckily for Kanye, the Jumbotron didn't show Rob Kardashian sitting two seats down from him, or batteries would have been thrown. Many many batteries. And Rob would have definitely been hit, because let's face it, he's not exactly a hard to target to miss
these days. Hell, he probably would have eaten them. "Mmmmm, Energizers."*10 Kanye West and Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian leaving Kris Jenner's office in L.A.
Sorry guys, the folks at E!
wanted me to pass along this press release: The role of "Rob Kardashian" in the upcoming 8th season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians
will now be played by a giant piece of cake.*10 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Rita Ora cheated on Rob Kardashian with 20 guys
A Kardashian calling someone out for their questionable moral behavior? Now I've seen everything. Via the San Francisco Chronicle
Reality TV star Rob Kardashian appears to have accused British singer Rita Ora of cheating on him during their romance in an angry Twitter.com rant hours after news of their break-up hit headlines.
The scorned TV personality tweeted, "She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together, I wonder how many she will sleep with now that we apart? But I mean 20?!!! How can a woman who is so busy trying to start her own career have time to be with so many dudes all while in a relationship?!
"I'm actually disgusted a woman could give up her body to more than 20 dudes in less than a year's time while trying to start a career."
The tweets have since been deleted, but not before his sister Khloe weighed in on the controversy, writing, "Cheaters never prosper @RobKardashian ill (I'll) be home today... Try and smile little brother."
Did you guys catch that little tidbit at the end? "Cheaters never prosper @whinyloser..." Right, because the Kardashians have been the model of elegance and civility over the years. There's nothing that says "royalty" like being a baby factory for drunks or being Ray J's urinal for a night. Hey, if you squint hard enough you can totally mistake any Kardashian for Kate Middleton . . . as long as you ignore the army of naked athletes standing in line waiting their turn. Now that we know that Robert has a problem with women who lack morality, gag reflexes, and sharp ears for music, I can only imagine how uncomfortable this year's Kardashian Kristmas gathering/Home Shopping Network Special will be. I'll bet a certain one of his sisters is getting a pistol-whipping in her stocking this year.*5 Rita Ora pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian has no shame
Reps from USC are denying Rob Kardashian's claim that he'll be attending law school there "very soon." Wow, that's gonna make class pretty awkward. From Newsday
"There's no substance to his tweets," a representative for the USC Gould School of Law told Newsday, adding that the head of the school's public relations department had tweeted four times to deny Kardashian's claims.
"News to us," read the first of four tweets from the school, with the final one noting that "Rob Kardashian hasn't even applied to USC Law."
Kardashian, 25, the brother of Kim, Khloe and Kourtney, tweeted this week that he was going to be attending USC law school ("Going to Law School very soon and so excited and can't wait! School just never ends for me! #UniversityofSouthernCal #Trojans #FightOn").
What's that? A Kardashian thinks he or she is entitled to claim something that is simply not true? The hell you say. Look, I don't blame the little scumbag for thinking that way -- he did crap out of Kris K's retirement taco, after all. What surprises me is that Rob isn't running around telling even bigger lies: "Hey, did you hear my sister Kim values personality over looks and is especially attracted to Jewish guys with no athletic ability?"*15 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery:
Khloe Kardashian really loves cake(s)
Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries, Kris Jenner, and Rob Kardashian went wedding cake-tasting at Hansen's Cakes in Beverly Hills on Friday. Oh, and Khloe Kardashian also partook in the tasting. She was actually already there eating cake (her 2 P.M. tradition) when Kim and everyone else walked in -- she didn't even know they were coming. What a lucky coincidence!*51 Kardashian family pictures total in the gallery:
Rob Kardashian to pose for Playgirl?
Aw dammit, I hate writing stories about naked weiners. From Life & Style
Another Kardashian is being offered big bucks to take it all off, but this time it’s not one of the sisters. That’s right: It’s time for little brother Rob’s naked moment of glory. “We’d offer Rob Kardashian $45,000 to pose for Playgirl,” a rep for the magazine, Daniel Nardicio, tells Life & Style’s Scene Queens. “Since he’s already a model, he’d be a perfect fit for Playgirl.”
In fact, Rob once took his modeling so seriously, he considered dropping out of college to pursue it full time. Another great reason to feature Rob? “He’s hot. Like real hot,” Nardicio tells the Scene Queens.
$45K? That's a bit much -- especially considering his last name is Kardashian
. Most Kardashians will get naked for you if you just show them a little attention . . . or cake. There's one Kardashian that will get naked for cake. I'll let you guess which one
.*10 Rob Kardashian pictures total in the gallery: