Recently in Rick Hilton Category

Paris Hilton was visited by her mom and dad, Kathy and Rick, Sunday night at the Century Regional Detention Facility (Paris has a little over a week to go before her release). On his way in, Rick told reporters that this Father's Day was "not ideally my best [but] I feel alright." After the couple left, Kathy gave a mini-update on Paris' condition:

"[Paris is] doing well, she's doing very well. She's doing much better. She made [Rick] a beautiful Father's Day card with his picture." Before they got into their car, Kathy was asked what her daughter was doing to pass the time. She quipped: "She looks at the four walls, and reads some nice fan mail." (Source)

And you thought that picture your four-year-old daughter made for you at school was bad! You know the one I'm talking about. You have it hanging on the fridge. Every glimpse of it convinces you your wife ate lead-based paint during her second trimester. Well at least you don't need a shot of penicilin after handling that picture.

Note: Amazing that with such dignified parents, Paris Hilton didn't grow up and become a scientist or college professor.

For those readers that have young children, listen to what Rick and Kathy Hilton told the New York Daily News about how they raised their infamous daughters Paris and Nicky. That way you know what not to do with your kids. First up Rick explains the difference between how he treated Paris and Nicky compared to their brothers (who, according to purely speculative reports, died six years ago of shame):

"I was stricter with the boys, I think. I probably spoil my girls more." So what's the best parental advice? Says Daddy Hilton, "Know who you're getting involved with."

And finally here's Kathy with another parenting technique that failed on such a massive scale that even a great mind such as my own can't comprehend it:

"You play good cop, bad cop, but usually we try to agree. And now [Paris and Nicky] are over 21. They're 26 and 23." (Source)

What a coincidence, Paris loves playing "good cop, bad cop" too! But her "good cop, bad cop" role-playing usually involves rough anal and light slapping--and that's considered the "good cop" part ... you don't even want to know about the "bad cop." I'll just say there's a certain Croatian mail-order bride who may never be able to love again. Or walk.