Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth at Soho House in New York (5/14)
In the wake of her and husband Jim Toth's arrest last month, you might think that Reese Witherspoon would try to avoid alcohol for the time being -- or at least avoid it in a public setting so as to not give dickheads like me any ammunition. Nope. That's Reese and Jim throwing back a few at Soho House in New York on Tuesday. Looks like Jim is drinking rose (his "driving wine") while Reese appears to be drinking straight moonshine with a twist of lime. "Puts hair on my knuckles! I ain't no fucking pussy!"
*20 Reese Witherspoon and husband pictures total in the gallery:
Reese Witherspoon arriving on a flight at LAX airport (5/4)
Reese Witherspoon was spotted wearing an Atlanta Police Department hat Saturday while catching a flight from Atlanta back to L.A. Atlanta of course is the city of her now infamous arrest two weeks ago. Wow, a souvenir hat is way better than what most people get after spending a night in jail: a torn asshole and a lifetime of nightmares.
*20 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Reese Witherspoon arriving for a flight at LAX airport (4/28)
After being busted for DUI a little over a week ago, Reese Witherspoon has kept a pretty low profile. She did show up to a screening of Mud in New York last Sunday, but canceled all of her talk show appearances to promote the film. Well it looks like she's out of hiding, because she was spotted catching a flight at LAX yesterday. "No no no, no bitch, no. I'll fly this fucking plane, man. Bitch, don't you know who I am, bitch," Reese told the pilot after her 6th mini bottle of apple schnapps.
*30 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Reese Witherspoon at a screening of Mud in New York (4/21)
Reese Witherspoon is real sorry for acting like an asshole and getting herself arrested last Friday, so much so that she mustered up the courage to release a half-assed apology through her rep:
"Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now."
"everything that is being reported" -- not what happened, but what's being reported. Subtle choice of wording, but it implies that things didn't actually happen the way they're being reported, even though they most certainly did. Hmmm, it's almost like someone, perhaps skilled in the art of public relations, wrote this for her.
"But I do want to say, I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said."
OK, but what about your husband driving drunk?
"It was definitely a scary situation"
You mean your drunk husband weaving into wrong lane of traffic?
"and I was frightened for my husband,"
Because he was driving in the wrong lane of traffic?
"but that is no excuse."
Then why are you making one?
"I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am."
Alcohol tends to bring out the true character of people, so yes, that is definitely who you are.
"I have nothing but respect for the police and I'm very sorry for my behavior."
But what about your husband driving drunk and putting innocent lives at risk? Did that part of the apology accidentally get deleted?
*25 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Turns out "America's Sweetheart" is actually "America's Total Drunken Bitch" -- Reese Witherspoon was arrested for disorderly conduct early Friday morning in Atlanta for being a drunken idiot to the cop who was arresting her husband for DUI. Bitch even pulled the "don't you know who I am?" card. Yeah, you're an actress. You read lines that other, more talented people, wrote for you. From Variety:
Once Toth was placed under arrest, Witherspoon exited the vehicle and was instructed to get back in the car. According to the report, she "stated that she was a 'US citizen' and that she was allowed to 'stand on American ground.'"
The officer then detailed how she resisted as he grabbed her arms to arrest as Toth attempted to calm her down.
As the report details, "Mrs. Witherspoon asked, "Do you know my name?" I answered, "No, I don't need to know your name." I then added, "right now." Mrs. Witherspoon stated, "You're about to find out who I am."
The report also specified, "Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, 'You are going to be on national news.' I advised Mrs. Witherspoon that was fine.
Reese Witherspoon has been arrested more recently than Lindsay Lohan. How fucked up does that sound? And this isn't one of those "I love the forest so much that I'm going to chain myself to this tree"-kind of Hollywood pussy arrests that Clooney's rap sheet is full of. This is a legit "I am a stupid fucking idiot" arrest. So now that Reese's carefully-crafted good girl image is shattered, she might as well embrace it. Start clubbing into the wee hours of the morning. Walk around smoking Swisher Sweets. Date Michael Vick. Go crazy, Reese. You've earned it.
*5 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Last month it was revealed that Reese Witherspoon was pregnant for the third time. I know, slut! But anyways, that's Reese jogging in Brentwood yesterday. Wait a minute, it's possible to exercise when you're pregnant? Jessica Simpson's head just exploded. And you know what? It had a delicious nougat center..
*10 Reese Witherspoon pictures total in the gallery:
Would You Rather...? Spend one night with: