R. Kelly is not guilty
After less than a day of deliberation, a Chicago jury just acquitted R. Kelly of all 14 counts of child pornography.
Breaking — more to come . . . especially if you’re under 18 and in the vicinity of Kelly’s bedroom.
UPDATE: To recap: R. Kelly fucks an underage girl, R. Kelly films it, R. Kelly taken to trial, R. Kelly found not guilty. I dare you to find a sentence that makes less sense than that.
Actual scene from the controversial sex tape
After years of delays, the R. Kelly trial finally started yesterday in Chicago. Just hours after opening statements, prosecutors played the sex tape featuring Kelly and an alleged underage girl. Sexy details courtesy of the AP:
In the courtroom, the lights were dimmed and blinds drawn across windows. There were several other monitors in the room, including one facing the crowded gallery. A grim, intent Kelly watched the whole video on a small monitor placed bon the defense table, only occasionally averting his eyes. The roughly 27-minute homemade video shows a man having sex with a young female, who is naked for most of the recording — except for a necklace with a cross dangling from it.
Wait for it . . . Wait for it . . .
At the start of the videotape, the man hands the female money and she mouths the words, “Thank you.” She is often blank-faced, impassive. The man speaks to the female in a hushed, monotone voice, and she calls him “Daddy.”
Wait for it . . . Wait for it . . .
Songs from the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys blare from a radio. The female dances — the man out of view. Back in view, he has sex with her. The man walks up to the camera to adjust it a few times, but his face is often obscured.
BAM!
As she dances, the female urinates on the floor. Near the end of the video, the man urinates on the female. (Source)
“The lights were dimmed and the blinds were drawn across the windows” as an explicit porn video was watched? Hell, add two fleshlights, some soft weeping, and a scented candle and that sounds exactly like Friday nights at my house!*
*parents’ basement
R. Kelly’s mugshot
Even though the alleged victim will testify that it wasn’t her, a woman is set to testify that she had a threesome with R. Kelly and “13 or 14-year-old” girl. The singer is on trial for allegedly videotaping himself having sex with an underage girl. Jury selection for Kelly’s trial begins this Friday. The Chicago Sun Times says:
As part of the case, prosecutors claim to have identified the girl in the videotape. This alleged victim is now in her 20s. Kelly’s lawyers plan to argue — and the alleged victim will reportedly testify — that she is not the girl in the tape. But the prosecution’s new witness could undermine that defense, since she will identify the girl, sources with knowledge of the matter told the Chicago Sun-Times. In addition, the witness is expected to say the girl was underage at the time of their encounter. (Source)
How many sexual fetishes does this guy have? Underage girls? Check. Group sex? Check. Videotaping? Check. Turning your lover into a human toilet? Check. You might say R Kelly is to sexual deviants what Lindsay Lohan is to venereal diseases: a super mutation. She’s a combination of the clap, gonorrhea, and herpes, while he’s a mixture of Ray J., Paris Hilton, and Chris Hansen. All she needs is syphilis to turn her vag into a weapon of mass destruction, and all he needs is skin bleach to turn himself into Charlie Sheen!
R. Kelly is just a tad bit full of himself. The R&B star tells the new issue of Hip-Hop Soul:
“My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I’m the Ali of today. I’m the Marvin Gaye of today. I’m the Bob Marley of today. I’m the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now.” (Source)
In other R Kelly News:
Kelly will appear in court again Friday for the latest hearing in a case that started nearly five years ago. Kelly is charged with 14 counts of child pornography for allegedly videotaping himself engaging in sex acts with an underage girl.
The Cook County state’s attorney’s office filed the charges in June 2002 after the Sun-Times turned over a videotape it received anonymously following an article about underage girls suing Kelly for allegedly engaging in sexual relationships with them. Those suits were all settled out of court. (Source)
Wow, the similarities between Kelly and King are striking. One a great civil rights leader whose trophy case holds a Nobel Peace Prize and Presidential Medal of Freedom, the other a dude who likes pissing on chicks who don’t have their driver’s license. It’s almost eerie! Somebody pinch me.
