A rose? For me? You shouldn't have! Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shocking nu-nu-nu-nu-news about R. Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Ku-Kelly. He can't read. Frow
Showbiz Spy:
R. Kelly has been harboring a secret all these years — he’s illiterate. The Ignition hitmaker says that despite his musical talents, he can’t read and barely made it through grade school.
"When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he said. "I don’t even read really and I’m not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me ‘you can’t even read right. How you think you’re going to come up?’ The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me ‘you will be one of the greatest writers of all time.’ I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can’t believe [anything] if you’re hating. You can’t achieve [anything] if you’re hating."
Describing yourself as "one of the greatest writers of all time" when you can't even read is pretty ballsy. That's like Rosie O'Donnell claiming to be Ms. Universe or
Fox News claiming they're "Fair and Balanced." Of course, Kelly's illiteracy may finally explain why he *cough*
allegedly*cough* had sex with an underage girl -- he couldn't read her driver's license. At least now I don't feel so bad about all the times I've bashed him on this blog (see
here here and
here): he's never read it.
R. Kelly is not guilty
After less than a day of deliberation, a Chicago jury just acquitted R. Kelly of all 14 counts of child pornography.
Breaking -- more to come . . . especially if you're under 18 and in the vicinity of Kelly's bedroom.
UPDATE: To recap: R. Kelly fucks an underage girl, R. Kelly films it, R. Kelly taken to trial, R. Kelly found not guilty. I dare you to find a sentence that makes less sense than that.
Actual scene from the controversial sex tape
After years of delays, the R. Kelly trial finally started yesterday in Chicago. Just hours after opening statements, prosecutors played the sex tape featuring Kelly and an alleged underage girl. Sexy details courtesy of the AP:
In the courtroom, the lights were dimmed and blinds drawn across windows. There were several other monitors in the room, including one facing the crowded gallery. A grim, intent Kelly watched the whole video on a small monitor placed bon the defense table, only occasionally averting his eyes. The roughly 27-minute homemade video shows a man having sex with a young female, who is naked for most of the recording — except for a necklace with a cross dangling from it.
Wait for it . . . Wait for it . . .
At the start of the videotape, the man hands the female money and she mouths the words, "Thank you." She is often blank-faced, impassive. The man speaks to the female in a hushed, monotone voice, and she calls him "Daddy."
Wait for it . . . Wait for it . . .
Songs from the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys blare from a radio. The female dances — the man out of view. Back in view, he has sex with her. The man walks up to the camera to adjust it a few times, but his face is often obscured.
BAM!
As she dances, the female urinates on the floor. Near the end of the video, the man urinates on the female. (Source)
"The lights were dimmed and the blinds were drawn across the windows" as an explicit porn video was watched? Hell, add two fleshlights, some soft weeping, and a scented candle and that sounds exactly like Friday nights at my house!*
*parents' basement
R. Kelly is just a tad bit full of himself. The R&B star tells the new issue of Hip-Hop Soul:
"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now." (Source)
In other R Kelly News:
Kelly will appear in court again Friday for the latest hearing in a case that started nearly five years ago. Kelly is charged with 14 counts of child pornography for allegedly videotaping himself engaging in sex acts with an underage girl.The Cook County state's attorney's office filed the charges in June 2002 after the Sun-Times turned over a videotape it received anonymously following an article about underage girls suing Kelly for allegedly engaging in sexual relationships with them. Those suits were all settled out of court. (Source)
Wow, the similarities between Kelly and King are striking. One a great civil rights leader whose trophy case holds a Nobel Peace Prize and Presidential Medal of Freedom, the other a dude who likes pissing on chicks who don't have their driver's license. It's almost eerie! Somebody pinch me.
