Prince Harry

Nana Meriwether at the Miss USA pageant last year

Note to Prince Harry: If you want to bang Miss USA Nana Meriwether, she's all yours. From the New York Daily News:

Miss USA wants to marry a prince. Nana Meriwether, otherwise known as Miss USA, has her eye on British royalty. The dark-haired beauty, who stands 6-foot-4 in her heels, reportedly dished at the fund-raiser held at New York's Four Seasons on Tuesday about Prince Harry, who was the guest of honor.

"He is single, right?" Meriwether said at the affair thrown by the American Friends of The Royal Foundation of The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and the Prince. "Well so am I. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we married. And he is very tall and good looking, I hear. Perfect. We are meant to be."

Nana Meriwether might want to pull back on the reins a little bit. Prince Harry has the pick of the litter when it comes to who gets the royal cornholing (and by "pick of the litter," I mean every vagina on Earth). As most women know, begging for the ginger scepter is considered extremely gauche and only kind of attractive. I can understand Nana's panties getting soaked over Harry since everyone now knows he's no stuffed shirt like his big brother Willy. Prince Harry is sort of a badass. He's an ass-kicking Royal Marine who likes to have a good time in Vegas. That being said, he might be classy enough to allow Nana to tickle his crown jewels, but I doubt he'll be into a chick who begs for his royal staff so openly. If there was ever a lady who needed a couple of semesters of charm school, it's Nana Meriwether.

*10 Nana Meriwether pictures total in the gallery:

Prince Harry at the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs (5/11)

I gotta say, whoever planned the activities for Prince Harry's visit to the Air Force Academy over the weekend deserves a huge raise. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved here.

*25 Prince Harry pictures total in the gallery:

Prince Harry at The Dark Knight Rises premiere afterparty in London (7/18)

More pictures of Prince Harry on his infamous Vegas trip last week are being shopped around, and he ain't standing in front of the Bellagio Fountains. Penis. I'm talking about penis. From the New York Daily News:

Brace yourself, Harry. A prominent British public relations guru said Friday he'd been approached by two women who claimed to have more material on Prince Harry, raising the possibility that the world may soon be seeing more compromising images of the British royal.

In a telephone interview, publicist Max Clifford said he had been called by two American women who claim they were in the prince's hotel room in the U.S. last week. Clifford, a savvy operator famous for negotiating kiss-and-tell interviews, said the women "said they had lots of interesting things: pictures, video, that kind of thing."

He said he turned them down.

Prince William might be the future King of England, but we all know that it's Prince Harry who fucking rules, bitch. What? You really didn't think that I'd trash the Prince, did you? He's doing what royalty is supposed to to -- which is to aim that unclipped custard gun at the faces of club sluts from around the world. It's just too bad the chicks in Vegas are such backstabbing bitches. Harry, next time you want to party and not have chicks take pictures of you with their cameraphones, stick to one of those uncivilized colonies you see in National Geographic. Preferably one that your family ran a hundred years ago. That's one helluva pick-up line.

*7 Prince Harry pictures total in the gallery:

Prince Harry has a real horse cock

Prince Harry had a really fun time in Las Vegas this weekend, playing strip pool with a bunch of sluts in his high rollers suite. Since he ended up with no clothes on, I think we can safely assume that Prince Harry is not very good at pool. TMZ says:

We're told Harry, along with a large entourage, went down to the hotel bar and met a bunch of hot chicks ... and invited them up to his VIP suite. Once in the room, things got WILD ... with the group playing a game of strip pool that quickly escalated into full-on royal nudity.

Some of the partiers snapped photos of the madness. In one photo, a fully nude Harry cups his genitals while a seemingly topless woman stands behind him. In another photo, a naked Harry is bear-hugging a woman who appears to be completely naked as well.

And of course the British press is going apeshit over this and there's even reports that Harry may face a military censure. Everyone needs to settle the hell down. Ending up naked after a few games of pool is the hardly the worst thing that can happen to you in Las Vegas. I woke up next to a dead hooker in clown makeup one time. Me in the makeup, not the hooker. That would have been just weird.

NOTE: See the pictures here

*5 Prince Harry pictures total in the gallery:

Prince Harry's new flavor of the month, Jessica Donaldson (L)

What, Prince Harry, it wasn't enough for you to slaughter 50,000 of us during the Revolutionary War? Now you have to steal our women, too? SHAME! From the New York Post:

Prince Harry has started dating a Californian cocktail waitress, while he is in the US undertaking military helicopter training, according to a source. The 27-year-old British royal met Jessica Donaldson, a waitress at Andaz Hotel, San Diego, two weeks ago during a night out with his army friends, The Sun reported.

That's Jessica on the left above. Wow that's a, um, cool tattoo. I bet she definitely won't regret it in 10 years.

The 26-year-old brunette, who has a large floral tattoo down one side, partied with the prince in a suite at the hotel and then met him for lunch at a beachside restaurant the next day.

The following weekend, the pair were spotted at the Belly Up Tavern in Solana Beach, about 22 miles north of San Diego, kissing and dancing while they drank tequila. "She is full of energy, a bit wild and goes out a lot," the source said. "But she's a funny and genuine girl. It's easy to see why Harry fell for her."

What's Prince Harry doing? He's a prince. He shouldn't be banging one girl -- he should be banging a harem. The reality is that when you're a prince, it's a lot like being a professional athlete. Even if you look like Dennis Rodman, there are still tons of women lining up to sleep with you. No, Harry needs to realize that Southern California bimbos are a lot like condoms at a free clinic: a dime a dozen.

*11 Jessica Donaldson pictures total in the gallery:

Paris Hilton leaving BBC Radio One studios in London (1/29)

Paris Hilton got stood up by Prince Harry last week. The two were set to meet up in London, but the Prince blew her off . . . weird, that's what Paris normally does to guys on first dates. A source told the Daily Mail:

"Paris had spoken directly with Harry to arrange their meeting. She was pretty annoyed that Harry blew her out but they may well meet on her next trip to London. She has been in touch with Harry since they met in London last year and has even had an invite back to Clarence House." (Source)

Newsflash: Prince Harry didn't blow off Paris . . . it was his bodyguards doing their job. They're required to protect Harry against all forms of harm -- whether by bullet, knife, or deadly infectious disease. If they had let the Prince get near Paris, he likely would have been exposed to some kind of virus that would have left him in pain, dead, or even worse for the monarchy: unable to reproduce. In my opinion, those bodyguards should be knighted.