Jennifer Lopez pregnant?
I hope for J-Lo's sake her kid doesn't inherit that ass or she'll have to deliver it via c-section! From today's New York Post:
Jenny from the Block wants to share the good news she's expecting - right here in her hometown. Bronx native Jennifer Lopez, 38, plans to "announce that she and (husband) Marc Anthony are expecting their first child on Saturday night at her Madison Square Garden concert," said an insider. A spy at her concert in Connecticut Wednesday night told us, "a fan blew the side of her top all the way up for a moment, and a definitive baby bump was there. She was very quick to push down her top. Then she talked about how this year is full of firsts for her . . . and every so often her dress would fly up and you would see her belly." (Source)
I learned from The History Channel that thousands of years ago--with an ass like that--J.Lo certainly would have been the most popular person in all of ancient Greece . . . if she had been a man. Which brings up an interesting (if not disturbing) question: If your girlfriend/wife/kid you baby-sat for had an ass like J.Lo's, would they EVER get pregnant? Of course not!
UPDATE: Yes that was an anal joke--now quit sending me emails . . . I mean you Grandma. That's just gross.
Angelina Jolie pregnant? I don't think so . . .
Despite what In Touch Weekly may tell you, Angelina Jolie is not pregnant. From the New York Post:
When Angelina Jolie stepped out in a midriff-baring tank top, her emaciated stomach nearly ruined In Touch's plans for this week's cover: "Is Angelina Jolie pregnant?" To protect its story, the glossy bought exclusive rights to the shots of her taut torso "so no other weeklies could run them," said an insider. In Touch claims Jolie gained 10 pounds in her chest, but conveniently cropped the photo above her flat stomach. "When Angelina showed up looking so skinny, they bought the photos," our source said. The mag says, "The most striking area of Angelina's weight gain is in her chest, which is why we focused on that area." (Source)
She gained ten pounds in her chest?!? Holy shit! Aside from "You are NOT the father," is is there any other phrase in the English language more pleasing to a man's ear? I thought this chick was pretty close to perfection before (minus the Holocaust survivor look)--now that she has boobs, she's finally up to my standards. My prediction for next week's headline: "Angelina gains ten more pounds . . . to double the size of her lips!"
Splash News
Jesus Christ fatty. Would it kill you to learn some portion control? I know your husband is whatever word is uglier than "ugly" but that doesn't mean you have to let yourself go, too.
People who didn't get the joke leaving comments in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .
