Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz in Hollywood (10/4)
If you're on pins and needles waiting to see the first pics of the baby with the dumb name, I hate to ruin your day but Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz aren't finding any takers. Oh noes! How will they buy a new Range Rover and extra-small jeans for Pete! From the New York Post:
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are trying to drum up some cash by selling photos of their baby, Bronx Mowgli - but so far, no takers. A celebrity weekly insider told Page Six, "Pete and Ashlee have approached every single celebrity magazine with offers to sell their first photos, but nobody wants them. Covers of them tend not to sell well." (Source)
According to experts, Ashlee and Pete haven't sold their baby pics due, in small part, to the troubled economy, and in large part, because no one cares.
Ashlee Simpson fell in love with Pete Wentz's penis first
Remember how your parents met after those nude cell phone pics of your dad were leaked to the Internet? The same thing happened with Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Awww, how romantic. From the New York post:
FALL Out Boy rocker Pete Wentz may have been embarrassed by the nude photos of him that surfaced back in 2006, but they ultimately landed him a nice consolation prize: wife Ashlee Simpson. "She just called me up and made me feel a lot better," he tells Details. (Source)
The worst part about this story is you KNOW after reading it you're going to think about Google Image Searching "Pete Wentz Naked." Let me save you some time, effort, and sleepless nights: Don't! Yes, I know it's tempting, and you're probably wondering what a semi-famous chick would find appealing about a dude that dresses like a sad Japanese bukkake actress, but just trust me when I say, "What's been seen, cannot be unseen."
Okay fine, here's the goddamn link (I'm NOT making it clickable; seriously, you really need to think about this): http://www.duuh.com/history/pete-wentz-nude-cellphone-4.jpg
Ashlee Simpson leaving Hamasaku restaurant in West Hollywood (10/17)
Ashlee Simpson had her baby last night at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. Bronx Mowgli Wentz weighed in at 7 pounds, 11 ounces. Yup, they named their kid after the kid from the Jungle Book. Gee, I don't see that kid developing any emotional problems at all. Thanks Mom and Dad! From their rep:
"Proud new parents Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz welcomed new son, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, late this evening. Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!" (Source)
You know what this means? Jessica Simpson is now an aunt. God I hope Ashlee and Pete don't leave her alone with the baby. "Momma always used to wash me in the sink so I figgered the dishwasher'd be twice as fast. Get off my back! I didn't mean to kill yer baby!"
Pete Wentz leaving his home in L.A. (9/9)
Pete Wentz is interviewed in next month's Playboy . . . and he's pretty much a lying bastard. Wentz told the magazine:
"I pulled a trigger on a gun aimed at myself. My friend and I did one pull each. We'd been drinking and had taken Ambien. I feel stupid even talking about it. It's one of the reasons I've never owned a gun - I'm too impulsive. I'd probably get mad and shoot someone over a part in a song or something." (Source)
How can a guy who spends four hours a day fixing his hair and another two applying his eyeliner consider himself "too impulsive"? Oh, and here's a newsflash Pete: It's not really called Russian Roulette when the gun's empty . . . and made out of plastic . . . with the words "Super Soaker 9000" printed on its side. And the fact that Pete's constantly hopped up on booze and Ambien explains a lot -- like why he married Ashlee Simpson.
[Flynet]
Pete Wentz again tries to be funny. Fails.
Wow, I didn't think Pete Wentz could top the knee-slapping plate over his face joke from Sunday. While leaving a Bel Air Starbucks yesterday, he used a bagel . . . AS A PHONE! Get it? Bagels are supposed to be eaten! Holy shit what will this kid think of next? Maybe he'll walk around Hollywood in a chicken suit or some fuzzy bunny slippers. Or maybe he'll wear a pair of pants on his head even though everyone knows that pants aren't supposed to be worn like that! Clearly Wentz is a rising star in the comedy world -- a sort of white Richard Pryor if you will. But is Hollywood ready for his brand of edgy "in your face" humor? I just don't know my friends.
NOTE: Carrot Top better watch the fuck out. The gauntlet has been thrown.
Pete Wentz tries to be funny. Fails.
Did you know Pete Wentz wanted to try out for NBC's Last Comic Standing but producers deemed him "too funny" and "unfair to the other competitors." True story.
NOTE: Make sure you check out the site tomorrow as I'll be posting exclusive pics of Pete walking around with a suitcase on his head while Ashlee looks on laughing hysterically. People aren't supposed to wear suitcases on their head!
Ashlee's parents house last Friday
Turns out those tents set up at Ashlee Simpson's parent's house late last week weren't for her wedding. They were for Papa Joe's annual neighborhood circus in which he dresses up as a creepier-than-usual clown and forces the mommies wearing white tank tops and no bra to sit in the dunk tank. OK I'm lying. Ashlee and Pete actually did get married on Saturday. According to my exclusive sources, the bride wore a beautiful ivory lace wedding gown while the groom wore "something from Hot Topic." The cake -- topped with a shotgun and broken condom -- was "delicious."
Pete Wentz arriving to Ashlee's parents' house for the wedding (5/17)
[INFDaily.com]
Ashlee Simpson marrying Pete Wentz tomorrow
Looks like those rumors about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz getting married this weekend were true. The weddings going down at her parent's house in Encino tomorrow afternoon. Us Weekly says:
On Thursday, crews erected a massive (Ed. Note: tee-he) white tent with bright red curtains in the backyard of Simpson's parents' Encino, California home. (Source)
Ashlee and Pete have asked their guests to dress in dark colors for the ceremony. How nonconforming! And since this wedding just wouldn't be a Simpson wedding without a little bit of creepiness, Papa Joe "begged" Jessica's now ex-boyfriend Tony Romo to show up to "support the family." He also asked the guy that took Ashlee's virginity in 1999, Troy Johnson, to give a little speech about the night his daughter officially became a woman . . . OK, he didn't actually ask Troy that but there's a good 36 hours until the ceremony so don't count that out.
[INFDaily.com]
Ashlee Simpson flashed Pete Wentz on their first date
Pete Wentz revealed to an L.A. radio station earlier this week that the first time he and fiancée Ashlee Simpson hung out, she flashed him. Via E!:
The betrothed couple blabbered about their beginnings on L.A. radio station STAR 98.7 FM this morning, with Wentz complaining that Ashlee kept him "in the friend zone" for a full year. Ashlee so completely didn't notice Pete that, after they had already met, he had to email her a photo of him to jog her memory.But things apparently took off quickly after that: "The first time we hung out she flashed me," Pete says.
"I lifted my dress over my head for him," Ashlee says. "So it was love at first sight." (Source)
How could Ashlee NOT notice Pete? The guy wears more make-up than a battered wife. And I don't think the term "love at first sight" is right choice of words when describing a first date that includes the chick "lifting her dress over her head" -- I'd use something more along the lines of "WHOREEEEEE" or "SLUTTTTTT." Either way, I just hope after Ashlee flashed Pete her vagina, he flashed his.
Pete Wentz in L.A. (4/29)
Ashlee Simpson's fiancé Pete Wentz is being sued by a guy who claims the rocker beat him up after a Fall Out Boy concert in Chicago. According to court papers, Andy Kallas claims that Wentz and several of his friends jumped him at "Schuba's Tavern" in June of last year without provocation:
"Wentz, along with several currently unidentified members of his security personnel and/or entourage, wrongfully and without authorization of provocation, by physical force did strike, kick, and beat Kallas for several minutes. Kallas suffered serious injuries to his head, mouth and face. he had suffered, and will continue to suffer pain, mental anguish, loss of normal life and disability to his mind and body. The conduct of Wentz was deliberate, willful, malicious and calculated to cause serious injury to Kallas." (Source)
Oops, noticed a typo. I think the lawsuit meant to say: "While Wentz stood cowering in the corner clutching his eyeliner, several of his bodyguards repeatedly punched and kicked Kallas. As Kallas was laying on the ground -- unable to move and bleeding out of several wounds -- Wentz walked up, kicked him in the ribs and yelled, "Yeaaah, I fucked you up!"
No way in hell Pete Wentz beat up a dude. Guy's like 5'4". He couldn't fight his way out of a Wiggles concert.
