God told me that it's my mission to find and post bikini candids of semi-attractive women. He also told me to burn things and shoplift. C'mon God, you're always trying to get me into trouble!
Recently in Penelope Cruz Category
Though she doesn't like talking about the American A-Listers whose hearts she easily broke, Penelope Cruz had some candid things to say about her new Almodóvar flick. We already know about her lesbian tendencies, and this just puts icing on the proverbial "obsessed with Penelope Cruz" cake:
"Volver" means to return, and it's about going back to one's roots, to one's home village, to a culture where women obsessively clean, dust and polish the gravestones of the departed.
Honestly, A culture where women obsessively clean, have juicy asses, and rrroll their R's? Is this the place that Nick is going on vacation? The last time I dealt with the obsessive cleaning of a hot Latina woman was back in '98, at the Hyatt ... bitch thought the $20 bucks on the desk was a tip.
Pretty much since the start of Penelope Cruz's career, there's been questions about her sexuality. According to Cruz, she hasn't exactly helped the situation. For example, she said her favorite on-screen kiss was with Charlize Theron, despite the fact she kissed then boyfriend Matthew McConaughey in the film Sahara. Another incident occured when Cruz was promoting the film Bandidas with Salma Hayek. In order to liven up the press conference, Cruz groped her friend's ass:
"I grabbed Salma's ass just to keep things moving, because everyone was a little slow," Cruz said while promoting her new film "Volver" reports Australia's Courier Mail. "And, of course, the energy changed when I did that."And then there's the bit about Cruz saying that her "Head in the Clouds" co-star Charlize Theron was her best-ever on-screen kiss - despite kissing then main-squeeze Matthew McConaughey in the flick "Sahara."
No fair! Last time I grabbed Salma Hayek's ass I got pepper-sprayed and punched in the kidneys. It was worth it though. Everyone at school forgot about the dolphin incident and no one's questioned my sexuality since. Now who's yearbook will have all the signatures?
I know you guys have probably been dying--JUST DYING--to get my opinion on Matthew McConaghuey getting back together* with Penelope Cruz. Well, actually, I couldn't give a shit either way--but I do have a theory why Matt's back with Penelope: purely for the entertainment factor of seeing her try to order food at a restaurant with her thick accent. Hilarity would ensue my friends. She'd try to order a hamburger and probably end up with a turkey sandwich and hot fudge sundae.
*Besides these pictures, I don't have any actual proof they're back together. It's just that anytime I see two celebrities together, I automatically assume they're having sex--you hear that Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal, you fucking perverts.
