Penelope Cruz

Penelope Cruz

Penelope Cruz leaving the Berkeley Hotel in London (1/17)

*25 Penelope Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz arriving in Miami (11/19)

There were some rumors earlier this month that Eva Longoria was banging NBA star role-player Matt Barnes. Which is weird because she's also currently dating Penelope Cruz's younger brother Eduardo . . . oh no ju di'int puta! From the Chicago Sun Times:

Friends of Eva Longoria say there just may be something going on with the actress and the Lakers' Matt Barnes — despite all the "we're just good friends" claims by spokesfolks for both the actress and the pro hoopster.

Penelope Cruz reportedly is a bit irked that Longoria may be two-timing her brother, Eduardo — whom Cruz fixed up with the "Desperate Housewives" star in the first place.

Jealousy, family in-fighting, and hot Latinas? This sounds like a good start to an exciting new telenovela. Now all these two need is some bigger tits cheesy music and bad 80's graphics and they'll be sure to get me to jerk off have a hit on their hands. I mean seriously, if this situation were anymore of a soap opera, we'd all be gaining a couple of hundred pounds just reading about it.

*20 Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Penelope Cruz

Penelope Cruz on the set of Bop Decameron in Rome, Italy (7/21)

*53 Penelope Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Paparazzi photos from Wednesday, July 13

Penelope Cruz on the set of Bop Decameron in Rome (pics start here)

Shemar Moore and A.J. Cook filming Criminal Minds in L.A. (pics start here)

Rosario Dawson on the set of Fire with Fire in New Orleans (pics start here)

Brooke Shields out and about in New York (pics start here)

Candice Swanepoel, Erin Heatherton, Alessandra Ambrosio, Lindsay Ellingson, and Lily Aldridge at the "Supermodel Cycle to Benefit Cancer" at SoulCycle in New York (pics start here)

Bar Refaeli shopping in Tel Aviv, Israel (pics start here)

Brooklyn Decker at the "Sephora Same Day Beauty Delivery Kick-Off" in New York (pics start here)

Paris Hilton at The Grove to do an interview with EXTRA's Mario Lopez (pics start here)

Sharon Stone arriving for a flight at LAX airport (pics start here)

Khloe Kardashian hosting the launch of HPNOTIQ Harmonie in New York (pics start here)

Amanda Seyfried leaving Joan's on Third restaurant in West Hollywood (pics start here)

Ashley Tisdale leaving a salon in Beverly Hills (pics start here)

Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes at ESPY's 2011 pre-party at Boulevard 3 nightclub in Hollywood (pics start here)

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick arriving at their hotel in Manhattan (pics start here)

*136 paparazzi pictures total in the gallery:

Penelope Cruz in Hollywood (3/24)

Penelope Cruz has given speeches in front of tens of millions of people (e.g. 2009 Oscars), but she still gets nervous opening presents in front of others on her birthday. Go figure. Oh yeah, and one time she set her hair on fire. The hottest chicks are always the craziest. Via the San Francisco Chronicle:

Actress Penelope Cruz suffered a real birthday nightmare last week when her hair caught on fire while she was trying to blow out the candles on her cake. The actress celebrated her 39th birthday over dinner with family and friends on Thursday, but nerves got the better, causing a potentially scary situation for the sexy Spanish actress.

She says, "I always get nervous celebrating the birthday. I get nnervous when people sing 'Happy Birthday.' I get nervous when I have nto open the presents in front of them. I get more nervous than even the Oscars or any event like that - because I don't know what to say or how to say it. If I like it or if I don't, I don't know how to express myself. The other day I got so nervous, that when I had to blow out the candles, my hair caught on fire."

All of these quotes by Penelope are great and everything, but that's not what she said. What she actually said was, "Jkjsglgk sksljgkl slkdfjjtk lwtkjfhg." I mean seriously, can you ever understand anything that comes out of this chick's mouth? It's like she's trying to act with a mouthful of ping pong balls . . . which means she should be working at a strip club in Tijuana, not Hollywood.

*10 Penelope Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

The 2011 Costume Institute Gala: Just the Attractive People

The Annual Costume Institute Gala was last night at the The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, and a ton of hot ass showed up. Pretty much anyone who's anyone was there. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but if you weren't invited to this thing, you're most definitely ugly. I'm looking at you, Cameron Diaz.

This took me all damn morning to edit (43 celebrities, 171 pictures), so click around:

• Salma Hayek (pics start here)
• Eva Mendes (pics start here)
• Kristen Bell (pics start here)
• Beyonce (pics start here)
• Miranda Kerr (pics start here)
• Freida Pinto (pics start here)
• Lara Stone (pics start here)
• Jessica Alba (pics start here)
• Gisele Bundchen (pics start here)
• Liv Tyler (pics start here)
• Lea Michele (pics start here)
• Christina Hendricks (pics start here)
• Blake Lively (pics start here)
• Rihanna (pics start here)
• Dianna Agron (pics start here)
• Alicia Keys (pics start here)
  
• Emma Stone (pics start here)
• Claire Danes (pics start here)
• Christine Teigen (pics start here)
• Isla Fisher (pics start here)
• Lucy Liu (pics start here)
• Rashida Jones (pics start here)
• Leighton Meester (pics start here)
• Taylor Swift (pics start here)
• Jessica Szohr (pics start here)
• Zoe Saldana (pics start here)
• Rosario Dawson (pics start here)
• Kerry Washington (pics start here)
• Hayley Atwell (pics start here)
• Emma Roberts (pics start here)
• Ashley Greene (pics start here)
• Elizabeth Banks (pics start here)
• Diane Kruger (pics start here)
• Michelle Williams (pics start here)
• Julianne Hough (pics start here)
• Karolina Kurkova (pics start here)
• Rosie Huntington-Whitely (pics start here)
• Doutzen Kroes (pics start here)
• Kate Hudson (pics start here)
• Kristen Stewart (pics start here)
• Brooklyn Decker (pics start here)
• Melania Trump (pics start here)
• Penelope Cruz (pics start here)
  

*171 Costume Institute Gala pictures total in the gallery:

Penelope Cruz at her Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony (4/1)

I'm not gonna lie: I've had dreams about Penelope where she ends up in that exact same position. It usually ends with me running away crying, knocking over all the candles, but it's pretty damn hot up until that point.

*23 Penelope Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

The 2011 Academy Awards: Just the Attractive People

By any reasonable standard, the Academy Awards blew donkey cock last night (at one point James Franco walked out a dress which wouldn't have been funny even if I was high as a motherfucker). The telecast peaked when Anne Hathaway said "Welcome to..." and it was all downhill from there. But at least some fairly attractive women showed up. Like Penelope Cruz ... *makes motorboat sound with my lips*

Gallery features 138 pictures so click around:

• Penelope Cruz (7 pics here)
• Mila Kunis (11 pics here)
• Jennifer Lawrence (15 pics here)
• Natalie Portman (11 pics here)
• Erin Andrews (5 pics here)
• Maria Menounos (2 pics here)
• Mandy Moore (7 pics here)
• Melania Trump (3 pics here)
• Sandra Bullock (13 pics here)
• Reese Witherspoon (9 pics here)
• Marisa Tomei (7 pics here)
• Nicole Kidman (10 pics here)
• Scarlett Johansson (10 pics here)
• Mallika Sherawat (2 pics here)
• Anne Hathaway (13 pics here)
• Halle Berry (13 pics here)

Penelope Cruz and Johnny Depp on the set of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides in Oahu (7/26)

Penelope Cruz's rep confirmed the actress' pregnancy today. We're still waiting on you, Jessica Simpson's rep. From People:

The question of whether it's a baby bump or a costume has been answered: "Penelope is 4½-months pregnant," reps for Penélope Cruz and husband Javier Bardem confirm.

Photos of Cruz, 36, on the set of her upcoming movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, had sparked buzz that the recently married actress was expecting.

Four-and-a-half months? Wait a minute . . . *does quick math in head* . . . I was on a business trip four-and-a-half months ago! Whew! That was a close one! Ever since the condom broke, I've been sweating bullets! Turns out I had nothing to worry about at all!

*11 Penelope Cruz pictures total in the gallery:

Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem in Brazil in 2008

Penelope Cruz pulled a Megan Fox. She was secretly married to boyfriend Javier Bardem earlier this month in the Bahamas. When asked about her fairytale wedding by a local reporter, Penelope said something that no one understood. Seriously, does anyone ever know what the hell she's saying? From Life & Style:

Life & Style can report exclusively that actress Penélope Cruz has married boyfriend Javier Bardem. The couple wed in the Bahamas at a friend's house in the beginning of
July, a rep confirms to Life & Style. Penélope wore a dress by John Galliano and the ceremony was attended only by family members.

Penélope, 36, and Javier, 41, first met while filming Jamon, Jamon in 1992 but turned their friendship into something more when they started dating in 2007. The two also starred together in 2008's Vicky Cristina Barcelona. This will be the first marriage for both of them.

Attended only by family members? So Penelope didn't even invite her best friend Salma Hayek? I bet she just didn't want to be upstaged by her fantastically large breasts. Uh oh, I smell an old-fashioned cat fight a brewing. *cancels appointments for the next month, removes pants, sits back, waits*

*10 photos total in the gallery: