Paula Abdul thinks very highly of herself . . . which tends to happen when you're high all the freaking time. From the National Enquirer:
Paula Abdul was in diva mode as she and a male friend dined at West Hollywood's Sushi Roku on April 14. Despite the fact that no fans approached her during her meal, Paula demanded a private dining room halfway through the dinner, leaving the wait staff shrugging their shoulders and rolling their eyes. (Print Edition - 5/4)
Paula's right. She does deserve her own room . . . as long as it's padded. Can you really blame her though for wanting her privacy? It can be pretty embarrassing emptying your entire medicine cabinet on the dinner table in front of people you don't even know. If Paula really wants her own space to ingest illegal substances at a restaurant, she should just use the celebrity VIP area (aka, the bathroom stall).
Nothing makes shallow celebs happier than a stiff injection of saline solution. But just like with Kevin Costner's acting career, things sometimes go horribly wrong.
NOTE: Make sure you click through the gallery for individual comments under each picture.
Paula Abdul wants to launch her own daytime talk show. Can you say female version of The Magic Hour? Please. Let. This. Happen. The American Idol cohost has already held talks with CBS and it's rumored the show could debut this year. A source close to the star told the National Enquirer.
"Paula's been dreaming about having her own talk show for three years, and she's ready to make it a reality . . . And if she does get her [American Idol] contract demands, Paula will attempt to negotiate a clause that states she can have other projects, including a talk show, and will juggle both. Paula is unpredictable and not afraid to speak her mind — but she also leads from the heart and really connects with people. Studio execs feel those are the kind of personal attributes that would make her perfect for a daytime talk show." (Source)
Paula thinks she deserves her own talk show? There's only one type of program she should take part in this year . . . and it involves 12 steps. Actually, Paula might be onto something. For all of you out there that think watching a drunk, drugged-out, incoherent Paula slurring her words for an hour on T.V would never be successful, I've got two words for you: Ozzie Osbourne.
After her number one fan/stalker Paula Goodspeed committed suicide in front of it last week, Paula Abdul is refusing to move back in to her Beverly Hills' home. Even though the American Idol judge hired "healers" to cleanse it (WTF?), she still thinks it haunted. A source told the New York Post:
"[Paula Goodspeed] was a deranged stalker who sent her death threats. Paula instructed guards to keep Goodspeed away from her at all costs. She refuses to stay at home because she fears that the spirit of Goodspeed is haunting her house. She feels like this is the absolute worst omen, a really bad curse . . . Paula is suffering. It is well known that she is emotionally fragile." (Source)
I've got news for you Paula. It isn't the ghost of one of your deceased fans that's making you hear ominous noises and see strange spirits. It's the bottle of Xanax you washed down with a fifth of Jim Beam for breakfast. If Paula really wants to "cleanse" something, I'd suggest she start with her medicine cabinet. My prediction: Paula will move out of her house . . . and into a Rite Aid.
A woman's body was found in a car outside Paula Abdul's home last night and police believe she may have been stalking the American Idol judge (she was; check out her license plate and the picture hanging from her rear view mirror). From TMZ:
Police sources tell us they think the victim is an alleged Abdul stalker and cops have been to the house "numerous times before" to deal with her. Paula's people tell us they know who the woman is. The victim was found dead in a car, yards from Paula's L.A. home. Cause of death may have been a drug overdose. The Ventura County Sheriff's Department tells TMZ the victims parents called them at 3:00 PM to tell them their daughter was missing and that she "had an unnatural obsession" with Paula Abdul and they might want to check Abdul's home. (Source)
Sounds like Paula's stalker committed suicide. And really, can you blame the poor girl? She was stalking Paul Abdul. Note to aspiring stalkers: If you're planning on stalking someone in Hollywood, make sure they're a little more famous/talented than Paula Abdul . . . like Billy Mays or the dude that always wears a question mark suit. Of course, I could be jumping to conclusions about the whole drug overdose/suicide angle. She probably just ate what Paula ate for lunch: A bottle of Percocet.
For those of you that had "gynecologist's office" in the Paula Abdul Breakdown Bingo game we've been playing for the last year, congratulations. Lemme check my board . . . dammit! C'mon Paula, I just need you to break down inside a 7-11 and I'll score a Bingo and win! From the New York Post:
Whatever she was feeling, Paula Abdul was sure making a racket outside her gynecologist's office Wednesday. Though her rep insists Abdul was "laughing and giggling" in a courtyard outside her doctor's office on Crescent Boulevard in LA after an exam, a witness said she was having some sort of meltdown. Our spy saw Abdul "sobbing on the phone to her friends and clutching papers from her doctor" for two hours. (Source)
For thousands of years holy men have tried to persuade the masses that there is such a thing as a higher power. From tyrants such as Torquemada to charlatans like Jim Bakker, religious nuts have always preached a divine faith in the almighty. But what none of them were ever able to prove, Paula Abdul's "sobbing" and crying outside of a gynecologist's office unequivocally did: there is a God . . . and he's been listening to my prayers about smiting "Crazy Paula's" baby-making parts.
You may have heard earlier this week about Paula Abdul breaking her nose after she supposedly "tripped" over her pet chihuahua, Tulip. Abdul told reporters: "It hurt so bad . . . I fractured my toe, as well." A source told the New York Post that Paula is basically lying her ass off:
"Paula did not break her nose. She had pitched a fit, threw something into a mirror or glass object, and a shard of glass struck her in the face, which explains why Paula's nose didn't seem swollen," said our spy. A rep for Abdul termed the account "absolutely, categorically untrue." (Source)
When they say Abdul's "fans" were perplexed, which fans are they referring to? A Paula Abdul fan is about as hard to find as a woman's g-spot ... for some guys that is. But certainly not me, he he he. No way. Nope ... What? Don't look at me like that ... fine, I'm lying. I'm a virgin. Happy now? Dick.
By the way, don't laugh about Paula's chihuahua excuse. Those little suckers can be EXTREMELY dangerous--especially this guy:
Or maybe she's just an alcoholic. But definitely one of those two. You can judge for yourself after you see this clip of Paula on QVC last Friday. Of course the ladies patrolling the QVC message boards are outraged about Paula's appearance:
I have never bashed anyone on this site but after a couple of minutes of watching Paula Abdul, I had to call CS and file a complaint. I cannot in my wildest imagination understand how a show like the Q who usually has very articulate and talented guests on have someone who always appears spaced-out on something not to mention the crap she sells. Now to each their own and I am sure some people like her line, which is as it should be but something is seriously wrong here. Is it just me or does anyone else notice that she is not right?
penelope3838
Yeah I admit it, I'm an active QVC forum member (screenname: BargainHunter69). I'm a sucker for a good value and frankly QVC delivers. Go ahead, bash me. It just shows your ignorance. And it leaves more of Today's Special Value for me. Score!
Star Magazine is reporting that Paula Abdul was a total bitch on a recent Southwest flight from San Jose to Burbank, California. According to an eyewitness:
“[Paula] asked to be let on the plane and seated first,” but after she was told that only young children, people with disabilities and the elderly were allowed to board early, she reportedly declared, “But I’m famous! I need to go on first!”
Once boarding began, Abdul pushed her way in front of the rest of the passengers so that she did get on first, and tried to keep the seat next to her empty, telling others it was taken. Finally, a flight attendant told her she had to give up the seat because the flight was full. Abdul kept her head bowed and reportedly was “twitchy” during much of the trip. (Source)
Paula Abdul's grievous treatment aboard this Southwest flight is a great example of why I quit flying commercial years ago. You know what happened the last time I asked a flight attendant for a foot rub? She laughed at me. And then she had the gall to pepper spray me because I "allegedly" spit on her. The team of butlers aboard my Lear Jet would never do that! They also make a killer ice cream sundae topped with the blood of my enemies. Well not really but it's still damn tasty.
Like me, you probably missed Paula Abdul's Monday appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman (sexily posted above). Fear not faithful readers, you didn't miss much--except when Paula made fun of nemesis Simon Cowell's penis:
Letterman asked Abdul, "You honestly hate Simon, don't you? He's smug and he's arrogant. And he thinks you want to have sexual activities with him,"
Abdul responded, "You are right about that. But that will never happen - because his nickname is 'Small Ben.'" (Source)
y nickname used to be 'Small Ben' ... when I was seven! But then puberty took over and I've been splittin' pelvises ever since. Incidentally, that last sentence was taken word for word off one of my campaign flyers from back in '98 when I ran for mayor of Sexyville. Population: me.
