Paula Abdul


Paula Abdul arriving on a flight at LAX airport (10/22)

This month's "Paula Abdul is fucking nuts" story is brought to us by the National Enquirer:
Okay, we told you exclusively that the "X-Factor" star just moved into a condo near her CBS job, and desperately wants to sell her San Fernando Valley house -- but she's so convinced it's "haunted" that she hired a rabbi, a priest, a minister, and even a witch doctor to drive out its "evil spirits."

Said a pal: "Paula claims she's witnessed strange happenings, like lights mysteriously turning on and off, for years. So her rabbi came over and blessed the house, the priest and the minister performed cleansing ceremonies - and the witch doctor walked through every room waving a frond of burning sage, sending ghost-busting smoke into every nook and cranny." (Print Edition - November 21)
Listen Paula, your house isn't haunted just because you woke up covered in ectoplasm. That was from Saturday's gangbang. Besides, the way Paula's been acting the past few years, she doesn't need to have a rabbi, priest, and witch doctor over to her house -- she needs an exorcist. That chick's got more devil spawn crawling around in her than Michelle Duggar.

*10 Paula Abdul pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paula Abdul House Cleansing 1
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Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell at the FOX upfront presentation in New York (5/16)

Paula Abdul reuniting with Simon Cowell on The X Factor is going about as well as Jessica Simpson trying to calculate a the tip at a restaurant. "Numbers are dang hard!" A set insider told the National Enquirer:
"They seemed to be fighting over the direction the show is supposed to take. Paula shouted at Simon, 'This isn't "Idol" - you can't make the kids go home hating themselves!' It got so heated that they moved it into the dressing room and it lasted for almost an hour. After Paula finally emerged, her eyes were red and teary like she'd been crying and Simon was sweating profusely. Their makeup was running. They both had to have it redone."
Either the producers of this show are complete idiots that are shocked by all this over-the-top drama, or they're actually cunning geniuses that knew this would happen and are milking Paula's predictable break-downs for as much publicity as possible. Considering Simon Cowell is involved, I'll go with the latter. If that guy was able to convince the American public that man-boobs were acceptable for nine seasons, he can do anything.

*15 Simon and Paula pictures total in the gallery:

  • Simon Paula Fight 1
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Paula Abdul and her boyfriend arriving at BOA Steakhouse in West Hollywood (3/1)

Since being fired from American Idol, I think the world has sorta forgotten just how crazy Paula Abdul is. Luckily she provided a friendly reminder by accusing her boyfriend of kidnapping her on Valentine's Day (audio of her phone call to 911 on PAGE 2). From TMZ:
During the call -- placed at 4:35 PM on Valentine's Day [from their car] -- Paula cries and sobs hysterically and says, "I wanna go, and he won't let me!" Seconds later Paula says, "Are you gonna drop me off 'cause I have emergency on the phone" -- and shortly after that she says, "He's dropping me off."

Officers got in touch with Paula about an hour later and she said it was just a verbal dispute. We're told Paula and the guy were driving near Santa Barbara when the epic argument erupted. Cops went to her house that night and found she was fine. Paula did not want to file a police report.
Paula Abdul has a boyfriend? What guy in his right mind would go out with that nutcase? Dating Paula is a lot like Charlie Sheen's porcelain teeth: you know it's only a matter of time before they both come unglued.

*11 Paula Abdul pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paula Abdul 911 Call 1
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Paula Abdul arriving at CBS studios in New York (1/4)

She's still a batshit crazy diva. I know, so shocking right? Did not see that one coming. From the National Enquirer:
"Paula has been out of control on the set [of her new show "Live to Dance"]," disclosed a show insider. "Her favorite phrase is ‘I’m not happy’ -- and she’s not happy a lot. She started with the food in her dressing room. When she didn’t see her favorite Jolly Rancher candies -- she hit the roof. And when she had to go searching for Vitaminwater, she complained bitterly, saying she wasn’t getting the respect she deserved."

According to the insider, at a recent promo shoot, Paula kept everyone waiting while she changed her clothes several times because she thought they didn’t fit right. "Finally, after six or seven changes, she gave her approval to be photographed, but she still wasn’t thrilled," said the insider. "She’s been driving everyone else on the show crazy!"
Paula's not happy? That's easy to fix -- just send her a 40 of Mickeys and a bottle of Vicodin and she'll forget all about her Vitaminwater and Jolly Ranchers. By the way Paula, it's not that the clothes you were given for your photoshoot "didn't fit right," it's that you're 48. At that age, the only thing you will ever think looks good on you is a guy in his 20s.

*7 Paula Abdul pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paula Abdul Crazy Diva 1
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Paula Abdul "obsessed" with beating Jennifer Lopez

Paula Abdul is acting delusional and obsessive again. Uh oh, she must be low on meds and black market horse tranquilizer again. From the Chicago Sun Times:
"I want to kick their butts," Paula Abdul told a friend and longtime fellow "American Idol" associate the other day. The ex-"Idol" judge was showcasing her rarely revealed, very strong competitive nature -- talking up her new CBS series, "Live to Dance."

"Paula loves the fact she's going to go head-to-head with 'Idol' on Wednesday and Thursday nights, when both shows kick off in January," said the source.

"I never knew she had this thing about Jennifer Lopez," added the BZ spy. "Apparently, it really bugs her that people are comparing her to J. Lo. It's like she's obsessed about it, which is weird," added the former Abdul associate.

According to the source, Abdul's strong desire to "bury" her former show was one of the reasons the top prize on "Live to Dance" has been boosted to $500,000.
Sorry Paula. The only way your show will ever beat American Idol is if your contestants are extremely gifted dancers in the vein of The Royal Ballet School of the UK or The Vaganova Academy of Russian Ballet. Or they're strippers. Here in the US, the formula to getting the best ratings is really quite simple: tits, ass, and more tits. Don't believe me? Just look at this site.

*10 Paula Abdul pictures total in the gallery:

  • Paula Abdul JLo Fight 1
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Paula Abdul leaving Mastro's Steakhouse in Beverly Hills (5/3)

When Paula Abdul was essentially fired from American Idol last year, she left with the reputation of being a complete diva who took the art of making unrealistic demands on producers to an entirely new level. Since then, absolutely nothing has changed at all in the slightest bit. From the Chicago Sun Times:
According to people close to negotiations between the ex-"American Idol" judge and those producing Simon Cowell's upcoming "The X-Factor," as well as those planning the relaunch of a new version of "Star Search," it's Abdul's tough contract requirements that have caused delays.

Seems Abdul's reputation as quite the diva continues. Among her "needs" are very specific -- and pricey -- demands regarding office and dressing-room decoration and an insistence on a large entourage of publicists, hair stylists and makeup artists (available 24/7, even when not taping), plus a slew of other assistants.

"The added costs are scaring producers," said a source involved with the new "Star Search" concept.

Insiders at both shows also tell me Abdul had made "unrealistic" demands regarding a piece of ownership of the programs. On top of that, a source working on "The X-Factor" -- launching in fall 2011 on Fox -- claims Abdul's wardrobe allowance demands "would cost more than what most shows provide an entire cast, 'like on 'Desperate Housewives.' "
Uh oh, Paula's actually talking to producers herself instead of using her agent? You know what that means. Someone has a case of "Oxycontin Courage" . . . which isn't without its side effects, however. "Paula, why are you drooling on the conference table?"

*10 pics total in the gallery:

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Paula Abdul will take your handicapped spot

Paula Abdul parked her Range Rover in a handicapped spot last week while shopping at Sunset Plaza in West Hollywood. Since she took the only handicapped spot left, 67-year-old Frank Pometti of Riverside had to park all the way in the back of the lot -- nearly 300 yards from the shopping center's entrance. Because of debilitating arthritis, Frank's reaction speed isn't what it used to be. In other words, he had almost no chance of jumping out of the way of the Ford Excursion that hit and killed him. So. Sad. OK, that didn't actually happen, but imagine if it did? What a heartless bitch! He had a family you fucking monster!

*5 pics total in the gallery:

  • Thumbnail: Paula Abdul Handicapped Space 1
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Paula Abdul leaving BOA Steakhouse in Santa Monica (4/27)

Note to Paula Abdul: You're not Jason Bourne. Settle the fuck down. From E!:
As a handful of photographers stood outside the Ole Henriksen salon in West Hollywood yesterday waiting for Paula Abdul to exit, an eyewitness tells E! News that one of them dropped his phone by Abdul's parked Range Rover and had to crawl underneath the SUV to retrieve it.

Shortly after, three deputies from the West Hollywood branch of the L.A. County Sheriff's Department  arrived on the scene. Illegal oil change? Nope. Our source says the boys in blue asked the paps if one of them had put a tracking device under Abdul's car, explaining that the former American Idol judge was concerned for her safety. While the eyewitness says no one was cited in the incident, Abdul was a bit shaken up...

"Everything was cool, but the people in the salon made a big deal," says the source. "Paula did not want to ride in her own car."

Sure enough, a little while later, a man and a woman—possibly Abdul's assistants—showed up at the salon, and the man drove off in Abdul's SUV. The woman, in another vehicle, pulled in front of the salon and Abdul quickly walked out, got in the backseat and ducked down.
Putting a tracking device on Paula Abdul's car is like putting a tracking device on Bill from Accounting's car. I don't really care what he's doing or where he is. Besides, if you want to know where Paula's going, you don't need to follow her around -- just wait out in front of a Walgreens or CVS.

*10 pics total in the gallery:

  • Thumbnail: Paula Abdul Paranoid Freak 1
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Paula Abdul out and about in Beverly Hills (4/22)

+ It's Dolly Parton's tits! [Drunken Stepfather]

+ Celebritweets Theater, featuring a naked Dina Lohan [Wonderwall]
+ Britney Spears looks . . . skinnier [Just Jared]
+ Playmate Karissa Shannon upskirt pic (site NSFW) [TaxiDriverMovie]
+ Justin Bieber is HUUUUGE in Australia [Dlisted]

+ 19-year-old Kick-Ass star married 43-year-old mom. Huh? [PopEater]
+ Top 10 Best Comic Book Movies [Bam! Kapow!]
+ In anal sex news . . . [Zelda Lily]
+ A gallery of Adrianne Curry playing Sci-Fi dress up [Attuworld]

LIST OF THE DAY: 25 Cats vs. Invisibility. Funny.

  • Thumbnail: Paula Abdul Beverly Hills Butt 1
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Paula Abdul is insane

You don't fuck with Paula Abdul . . . says the voice in Paula Abdul's head. She's gonna teach those no-good American Idol producers a lesson! From the National Enquirer:
Paula's plan for revenge! Still fuming after her unceremonious exit from American Idol in early August, Abdul, 47, is banking on her upcoming one-woman Las Vegas show becoming a mega-hit.

"Paula believes she's got the draw of a Cher or Bette Midler and she's determined to rub the noses of the 'Idol' bosses in her success," a Sin City insider told The ENQUIRER. "She's funneling her anger and resentment into making this project a hit. She wants to strike back. It's not just about the money. Her new mantra is success is the best revenge."

Even before ankling Idol, the eccentric entertainer and choreographer was working on a music-and-dance extravaganza, similar to the wildly successful Cirque du Soleil.

"If this thing takes off, Paula wants to spin off a TV version," added the friend. "Her fantasy is to go up in the same time slot as American Idol - and to DESTROY THEM."
With her various addictions, is Las Vegas really the best place for Paula? Paula Abdul living in Vegas is akin to R. Kelly living at a middle school. It just seems like statutory rape --- errrrrr, I mean "trouble" waiting to happen. Besides, the only types of celebrities that make it big in Vegas are magicians, prop comics, and gay dudes that play with animals . . . and all of those markets are already dominated by Criss Angel.

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